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Definitely a place for both logic and "magic" as others are saying. It can be pretty painful- I most likely will never see this lady again since she will now occupy most of her time finding someone to have kids with. That's a real shame as we had a pretty good connection and is a good reason she spent quite a while sobbing about it. But life must go on, I hope she finds somebody because she deserves it.
I'm glad you came to this conclusion. And you also said that you never saw yourself marrying her, remember.
It's a balance between logic and emotion; approaching romance as an algorithm is just as fruitless as abandoning rational thinking. Just going by my own past experiences, I didn't click with some of the men I "should" have. Instead I ended up with the one who is the complete opposite, and there is no logical explanation for our compatibility; we stopped trying to figure it years ago, lol.
I got screamed at yesterday for stating I would consider it a major lack of logic for someone who has a stance to get involved with someone who had a staunchly different take of the stance. The stance was having children, not exactly a what's for dinner question that can be negotiated? Sorry, not sorry, I would definitely say getting involved with someone who might want children when you DEFINITELY don't want children shows a lack of critical thinking and logic. People tried to come at me with you'll logic yourself to the singles ward of the nursing home, call me when you selected a partner on logic,etc.
My point is logic should not be cast aside when choosing who to date and more importantly who NOT to date. If you as a childfree person want to get involved with someone who wants kids? Fine, but you have no right to complain when you get dumped or are forced to make a tough decision of whether to have kids to keep them or not when you could have avoided that noise by not getting involved with someone who had a different take than you on such a crucial issue.
Alright CD, commence on telling me I'm nothing because I've never been in a substantial romantic relationship. Ain't nothing I've never heard before.
There is nothing wrong with having set rules for dating. Saying that you do not want to date someone with children, or someone outsied a certai age range, is all perfectly acceptable. Some people will only date others who have a certain height or build. Its all up to you. I think one may miss out on happiness with someone who does not fall into your criteria if yo apply them to all potential partners, but its not wrong to do so.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by dr.strangelove
There is nothing wrong with having set rules for dating. Saying that you do not want to date someone with children, or someone outsied a certai age range, is all perfectly acceptable. Some people will only date others who have a certain height or build. Its all up to you. I think one may miss out on happiness with someone who does not fall into your criteria if yo apply them to all potential partners, but its not wrong to do so.
Miss out on happiness? There would be nothing that'd make me more miserable than having a kid to raise. Kids aren't a bad haircut you can just wait for the hair to grow back or a suit you can take back if you decide you don't want it. Once they are there, they are there. That is the reason why I won't even entertain dating someone who wants kids.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Miss out on happiness? There would be nothing that'd make me more miserable than having a kid to raise. Kids aren't a bad haircut you can just wait for the hair to grow back or a suit you can take back if you decide you don't want it. Once they are there, they are there. That is the reason why I won't even entertain dating someone who wants kids.
That isn't what Dr. Strangelove was saying or implying. I hope you know that.
But on another point. It's one thing to not want to be a parent. There are lots of people like that. It's another thing entirely to have scorn for the concept of parenting (it would ruin my life!!!) or disliking children. Even among the people that do not want to have children such an attitude is a turn off.
That isn't what Dr. Strangelove was saying or implying. I hope you know that.
But on another point. It's one thing to not want to be a parent. There are lots of people like that. It's another thing entirely to have scorn for the concept of parenting (it would ruin my life!!!) or disliking children. Even among the people that do not want to have children such an attitude is a turn off.
Agreed. I think OP would find life much more pleasant if he adopted a less hostile attitude towards the parenting/kids thing. I mean, its no skin off my back, really, but I find such an attitude to be a likely symptom of other unpleasant personality issues.
It's a balance between logic and emotion; approaching romance as an algorithm is just as fruitless as abandoning rational thinking. Just going by my own past experiences, I didn't click with some of the men I "should" have. Instead I ended up with the one who is the complete opposite, and there is no logical explanation for our compatibility; we stopped trying to figure it years ago, lol.
Yeah, the saying "the heart wants what it wants" exists for a reason.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Yeah, the saying "the heart wants what it wants" exists for a reason.
I look at the heart like a kid, yeah you may want it but is it good and/or right for you?
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