Just Because You're a Nurturer Does That Mean You Have To Breed?

[TabulaRasa]

And your social circle. Most of ours married later, had kids later.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by 2mares

Yes, Im not saying he will never change his mind but I dont see it happening. As you said the thing is by 32 chances are the women you will be dating will not be wanting kids at that stage or already have kids and dont want more, unless you date much younger. All of the women my son has dated seriously already had kids.

Oh, I didn't say that the women I dated didn't want kids at that stage, they didn't want kids at all ever. And none (save one I dated late 30s) had kids at all. I only have two female friends that had kids pre mid 30s (edit: maybe only one come to think of it, a woman from Wisconsin that moved to the SW, being a mom was huge to her).. Most women I know with kids had them late 30s, but lots didn't have any at all. People want to finish their education, get established in their careers, live and travel a bit before doing the family thing, and its generally (I've found) people finished their education around their early 30s (though sometimes later).

[2mares]

Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76

I think that depends on where you live. Most of my friends got married in their 30's and had kids in their mid-late 30's.

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

And your social circle. Most of ours married later, had kids later.

True. Even now in my sons generation its the norm for people in my region to generally be married and usually have kids by 30. Most I know marry soon before or right after graduation (college) when they are 24ish and have kids by 30. I think most knew they wanted kids though by the this time.

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by torontocheeka

He likes nightly massages, BJ's, lots of cuddles... we are both equally affectionate people and even a little clingy as long as we're in the same room, yeah. Although we give each other space to do things apart.

I don't know that he minds the intrusion into our privacy as much I mean I know he doesn't mind pets but pets and a kid are not the same thing.

Ugh. TMI.

Being a parent doesn't stop you from doing ANY of the above, OP.

[Katiethegreat]

I am very nuturing and cutesy too calling bfs only cutesy names bon Bon,snookie Lala,bunny etc I never use to want babies at all,but I changed I think baby boys are the cutest thing in the world,I collect pictures of babies on my Pinterest.

But still that's just babies, I've looked after my friends grown kids it exhausts me so much and allows me no time to create,read or do anything so I don't want children either.

Originally Posted by torontocheeka

So, I'm turning 30 this week. The past decade has been a whirlwind, but I came out the other side stronger, smarter, and much happier overall with my life than I started it. I was very fortunate to be able to set aside some money, get a cute little place of my own, and find the love of my life all within the last year alone.

The thing is, rather than "starting to think seriously about having a kid" like so many claim that all women uniformly will get into the mindframe of around the age of 30, I have only become more certain that having kids is not for me.

And it's not that I'm not nurturing. Actually, I'm VERY nurturing. It's just that I don't want to nurture a baby, or a kid. I want to nurture my boyfriend.

I want to dote on my boyfriend every night. I want to feed... my boyfriend. I want every evening when I come home to be centred around him and us and giving him massages and doing stuff together and not a third party which feels very intrusive and which I would most likely resent for cutting into our time together.

When I set goals for myself and look at sort of "the 5-year-plan," I'm gradually working towards goals like retirement fund, getting and decorating a nice place for the two of us, etc. but there is never any thought of a kid.

I guess I just wonder why the assumption is that if you are an affectionate person who likes to care for others that means that you're definitely going to want a kid?

I also plan to give plenty of love and nightly affection to my boyfriend as we build our lives together so why do I feel guilty like I am potentially denying him something when I'll be giving him lots? Have I swallowed the Kool-Aid to think that all men secretly want to be fathers?

[JerZ]

No, obviously not. Surely you already knew that. BTW, would you mind having a little respect and not call it "breeding"? I have three children and for none of them was I restrained in a stall backward and inseminated while I lowed in anger. Thanks, much appreciated.