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Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 674,115 times
Reputation: 1525
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
Well then you're one of the women that the OP doesn't believe who posts on here.
You are attractive and so you can pick a guy who has a lot of money, and he won't believe that you weren't looking for that.
Well then, the OP needs to open up his field of vision and his mindset to include all sorts of possibilities out there in the world of dating. He has to realize that different people want (and look for) different things in a person. Women who post on this forum (or on any other message board) aren't pod-people from Mars lol; they are human beings who are probably very similar to the women who are in his locality - however, since he has yet to meet one that has a similar mindset of the women on here, it is easy to see why he has created this thread in the first place.
The OP shows us the exterior and interior of his home to give us a feel for what the environment is within his every day life that he lives. I mean seriously, this is the guy's HOME, and everyone here is dissing it without fail. I realize that he opened his house up to being criticized when he posted his pics, but no one is mentioning the good things about it:
* His house is CLEAN. There were times I've been to a few guys houses/apts/studios and there was chit laying on the floor, garbage piling up in the bin and lumps of clutter scattered throughout. I'm especially impressed with how tidy and clean his bedroom is and how his bed is made; some guys NEVER make their beds and for me, that would be a HUGE turn off. Every woman is different and I can't speak for them, but for me personally, I'm not that superficial or picky to expect a single guy's house to look like it crawled out of the pages of Homes & Gardens.
Most guys I've ever known keep their house/apt very simple-looking, clean lines, usually lots of electronics/monitors/puter stuff, basic-looking furniture and dark grey/brown/black decor. Having plants can be dicey if they're not properly taken care of, watered, sunned and pruned regularly. Most guys don't have time for that, nor do they care to have to add that to their To Do list. As far as wall art is concerned, everyone has their own definition of style for the interior of their home. Some people hang posters, some hang boring framed art on their walls and some don't put anything on their walls. There's no reason for him to have a 'woman's touch' with regard to his decor since there isn't a woman living there and, he's NOT a woman, he's a GUY...and guys have different styles of decorating than we do.
* His house is PAID FOR. I think it says a lot for the OP that he has a home that is paid for and he's NOT renting, which everyone knows is the same thing as throwing your money into a fireplace. So what if it has bars on the windows and on the front door? Those probably came with the house and is a lot cheaper than him having to go and get a fancy-shmancy alarm system just to impress a woman who'd rather not have to 'see' the bars within her field of vision.
As far as his lawn is concerned, who cares if it isn't layered with St. Augustine sod? He's content with the way his lawn looks currently. Maybe once he's in a LTR and the woman wants the grass outside to 'look pretty', he'll invest in having some green fluffy sod installed.
* He works FROM home. He has the type of career where he is at home a lot, which could translate into him spending more time at home with his future GF instead of always being 'at the office working late' or working OT on the weekends and hardly ever being at home with her. Not only that, but his work station is lit asf.
If I dated a guy and he was gracious enough to invite me to his home and the OP's house is what it looked like inside and out, it wouldn't make a difference to me either way. I date guys to see how their personality is and what's inside their heart - I DON'T date guys to try and find one with a beautifully decorated house specifically designed to MY liking or to womens' liking in general. Things like what colour the curtains are, wall hangings, plants, exterior fixtures, etc. are all things that CAN BE CHANGED whenever the mood strikes the owner; it's not etched in stone.
As long as the guy is a sweet person, is respectful and kind, is faithful (in EVERY way) to the woman he's with and is a responsible person which means that he is working, is paying his bills, owns a car and he's NOT a druggie, an abuser, a narcissist or doesn't have some other type of character disturbance - that is what's most important to me.....not how his house is (or isn't) decorated.
That's all true. Good points. I appreciate that the OP was open enough to post images of his house. I wasn't "dissing" him, my comments were meant as honest, constructive criticism.
Now, I'm starting to recall from previous posts that the OP is a large, intimidating man who doesn't like to smile, and has some sort of condition (maybe with his eyes?) that can't tolerate sunlight, hence the black curtains and why he doesn't go out during the day. That is a huge obstacle for a LTR in my opinion.
Maybe he can find a support group where he can meet women with the same condition.
From my experience the harder you look for a girl or look for love you are just making yourself change who you really are so when you do talk to a girl you may like you are so worried about things that you shouldn't even be thinking about yet because you have no clue about this woman that you tend to come off like a stalker or a sad puppy which woman HATE. They want a confident man who acts like they could give 2 ****s weather the girl like him or not and that only makes them want you even more and it becomes a contest with themselves a test u can say to see if they can get you if they wanted to or not. Then when they start to flirt and open up to you then you can just be yourself and see if she likes you for you because if u pretend to be someone else and not yourself sooner or later she will realize your a lying scumbag and just break it off if it even gets that far!
Not much for aesthetics are you? If it works for you, cool, but huh, looks so techno urban nihilist... screens. No art. No beauty. Well, huh. It's not a decor people are generally going to be comfortable with. Making your place a place that is appealing to or comforting to other's is kind of important in relationships.
But really, I hate the "well famous people" bit. They're not the norm, by definition, they're relationships aren't the norm, and they're habits are far from the norm. Don't use them as any sort of benchmark.
Actually I plan on getting my own art framed and put up, and yes the super famous examples are exaggerations that everyone would recognize, here in Ft.worth replace with the Dallas lawyer, or doctor or club owner, or the guy that owns a car lot etc etc etc...... Those are the guys I was seeing in the clubs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
His options were plentiful because he behaved differently.
No I did not, I did the same things, behaved the same way, went to the same places, I just had nicer things. the vehicles I drove were nicer, the zipcode I lived in was viewed as more appealing.
Quote:
This is the perspective of a bouncer. I'm sure other bouncers would agree. I don't recall any high-rollers in my everyday life, and the average female in his favored age range doesn't deal with high rollers and bouncers that would determine whether or not she's attractive. Attractive women aren't, as a rule, flocking to high-rollers, life isn't an advertisement.
Yes there are exceptions and maybe what I call a high roller you call normal who knows....
Quote:
Your opinions reflect one who isn't in tune with the average woman, just what the media wants you to think.
No the media just shows an exaggeration of what I actually see. I do enjoy the few times I see exceptions, it gives me hope but sadly those exceptions are few and far between.
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Your opinion that women found you more attractive when you were well off, is probably correct. Money and status are very important to you. They are what you think women are most attracted to. Its reasonable that when you had money you were happier, friendlier, more confident, this making you more attractive! I doubt that you walked around with all your wealth liquidated to show for a good first impression, there's no way to know how much money one has unless they're proving it.
Wealth and status have never been important to me, the few high paying jobs I have had kinda fell into my lap. I was not happier or friendlier or more confident. but you are right I did have nicer things that women could see. But if I viewed having money beyond the basics as so important I would still be killing myself out in the rat race slaving away.
No I did not, I did the same things, behaved the same way, went to the same places, I just had nicer things. the vehicles I drove were nicer, the zipcode I lived in was viewed as more appealing.
I really don't know why people would not believe you on this. Hasn't anyone ever experienced different treatment when you dress like a slob vs being dressed up? Most people get treated differently. Go to the car dealership in sweat pants and ratty runners and get ignored. Show up clean cut and respectable you should notice a difference. Same with dating.
Women don't need to ask you about your finances sometimes. Just the mention of your job industry, the car you drive, the way you wear your clothes, if you live alone or with roommates, the district, the places you travel gives an insight whether you are doing okay financially or struggling. Of course there's always an exception but women don't have to ask you how much money you make to get an idea.
Well, as always my analysis and observations of CD are kicking in. A lot of the women do seem to agree with each other on here on a regular basis. I don't too often see women debating each other they usually seem to collectively agree with each other, and when they disagree with men, they collectively disagree. I'd like to see a wider variety of opinions from women on here honestly and some more diversity. I don't know if I'd call it a hive mind but probably just more of a lack of diversity of opinions than anything.
I think it's possible that you are simply paying attention to the instances where people agree, and ignoring/discounting/not even noticing the instances where they don't, because two women NOT coming to consensus doesn't fit your predetermined narrative. I, on the other hand, happen to notice, because I'm frequently one whose experiences and opinions run counter to those voiced by various other female posters.
Confirmation bias, you see what you expect to see.
I really don't know why people would not believe you on this. Hasn't anyone ever experienced different treatment when you dress like a slob vs being dressed up? Most people get treated differently. Go to the car dealership in sweat pants and ratty runners and get ignored. Show up clean cut and respectable you should notice a difference. Same with dating.
Women don't need to ask you about your finances sometimes. Just the mention of your job industry, the car you drive, the way you wear your clothes, if you live alone or with roommates, the district, the places you travel gives an insight whether you are doing okay financially or struggling. Of course there's always an exception but women don't have to ask you how much money you make to get an idea.
Bought versus financed, who asks? Also to say you weren't in a better mood when you had more than enough money versus having to worry about your electricity being turned off are not logical beliefs either. People become mentally ill and homeless from being poor, bankrupt, evicted. If a person is close to this, they aren't a fun date. It's all in your presence, how you carry yourself, and attitude, not Gucci versus Target.
I'm saying the OP's premise of making this thread is that women responding here aren't truthful in their stated opinions of money not being important, because he assumes all the women he's met are dissuaded by his lack of money. And yet insists he doesn't act any different when he doesn't have any money, all the while thinking women wont want him? Hard to believe. Only the OP can be the exception to the rule in not being materialistic, the women posting here surely must be pretending.
Bought versus financed, who asks? Also to say you weren't in a better mood when you had more than enough money versus having to worry about your electricity being turned off are not logical beliefs either. People become mentally ill and homeless from being poor, bankrupt, evicted. If a person is close to this, they aren't a fun date. It's all in your presence, how you carry yourself, and attitude, not Gucci versus Target.
maybe not logical but they are a good representation of who I am. some of the happiest times in my life were also the brokest times in my life, because I had someone who cared about me. the rest of my life can be going to chit but if I have a loving woman in my corner(who is not nagging and criticizing me about it) it does not seem so bad and I'm all smiles. And some of the most miserable times in my life I had money and nice things but even though I was attracting women, and had girlfriends I did not get enough time to enjoy the relationship cause I was always working.
Quote:
I'm saying the OP's premise of making this thread is that women responding here aren't truthful in their stated opinions of money not being important, because he assumes all the women he's met are dissuaded by his lack of money. And yet insists he doesn't act any different when he doesn't have any money, all the while thinking women wont want him? Hard to believe. Only the OP can be the exception to the rule in not being materialistic, the women posting here surely must be pretending.
I don't act differently when i have money, I do act differently when i have a woman showing interest and usually more positive and happy.
That's all true. Good points. I appreciate that the OP was open enough to post images of his house. I wasn't "dissing" him, my comments were meant as honest, constructive criticism.
Now, I'm starting to recall from previous posts that the OP is a large, intimidating man who doesn't like to smile, and has some sort of condition (maybe with his eyes?) that can't tolerate sunlight, hence the black curtains and why he doesn't go out during the day. That is a huge obstacle for a LTR in my opinion.
Maybe he can find a support group where he can meet women with the same condition.
I don't mind smiling I just have to have reason to, as far as my photophobia it's not really a problem in fact its a benefit, when the lights are out I can still see(not complete darkness mind you), lol other people stumble around and bang there toes. it's just basically the receptors in my eyes don't turn down all the way. so the 25 W bulbs in my house look to me like a 100 W bulb looks to you.
Someone here said I should see if I could correct it, I found that strange because to me it sounded like he was suggesting voluntary partial blindness. some people do have it corrected(bad term), but I feel my vision would be worse not better because I would be one of those stumbling in the dim/dark people.
some of the happiest times in my life were also the brokest times in my life, because I had someone who cared about me.
I don't act differently when i have money, I do act differently when i have a woman showing interest and usually more positive and happy.
So women ARE interested in you when you don't have money?! I guess you just eliminated the need to start a thread about women posting here who say they don't care about money. Sheesh you're confusing.
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I realize that he opened his house up to being criticized when he posted his pics, but no one is mentioning the good things about it:
So women ARE interested in you when you don't have money?! I guess you just eliminated the need to start a thread about women posting here who say they don't care about money. Sheesh you're confusing.
