Are women who post on relationship and dating forums just exceptions to the rule? (wives, girlfriend)
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When reading the text of an internet thread, most of us can consider a topic with logic and discuss it with a degree of rational thought.
But in real life, you see someone that you are attracted to and you catch their eye. Now your adrenaline starts pumping and all rational thought leaves.
I ask this because I have been looking at poll's on various subjects plus a few I have posted on my own.
one being would a woman prefer a guy who hates his job but makes good money or a guy who loved his job but did not earn much, surprisingly most women answered the guy who liked his job but did not earn much, but sadly in real life such women seem hard to find.
if I am to believe the responses to many of the threads I've started most women would be happy with an average joe who was almost homeless but had a heart of gold.
But we all know the lot in life those guys receive, women on these forums say money does not matter to them, but in the real world we all see the guy with outward signs of wealth with the hottest girl in the club(no matter what he looks like).
women on these and other forums complain about guys who take them for granted, but in real life the guys that put them first get written off as needy or clingy.
Women say they value faithfulness but we see in real life they seem attracted to the guys least likely to be faithful (those super charming, flirty, charismatic guys who ooze confidence, players can't be players if they have nobody to play with) .
I am so confused.
I dont think anything on these forums is statistically significant. It is mostly subjective information. That does not mean it is not helpful, but these topics in general are very subjective. When someone asks a yes or no question the information they get is going to be a lot different then when you give a person a chance to try to explain what they mean regarding the topic.
I dunno, I think that this site is going to provide more realistic information than
polls
surveys
nightclubs/bars
Just because those seem like the places one would see the most superficial of possible results.
I guess maybe some people tell lies here, but I don't understand why. I mean, it's more or less anonymous, what reason to misrepresent yourself? It's not like there is some need to impress complete strangers you'll probably never meet... ??
I think his point was he thinks he's doing good enough financially and that a lot of women on here say they don't need a man for their money or housing, but the women he's seeing in RL makes him think otherwise. So he's saying the women on here are different than the ones he sees in RL. I think that's the overall summary of the story but I guess I might be wrong on that I don't remember everyone's situation.
That could still be the result of his own selection bias, though, see? Still a barking-up-the-wrong-trees issue. The question then would be, what kind of choices in dating partners is he making, that they all turn out to have this one characteristic in common? Or is that only his perception of their position? Maybe the real issue is that they're concerned that someone well into middle age doesn't have a retirement plan? That's a perfectly valid concern.
IOW, both perspectives the OP raises can be true, without them contradicting each other.
Women here (and elsewhere) say they're not looking for guys with enough money to support them or spend lavishly on them, they're looking for heart-of-gold guys. Women he encounters in the world may give lip service to that (?), but ultimately, he finds they do care about his financial status. What we're saying is, that at his age (which he didn't disclose at first), financial status would be a concern, not because anyone needs to be supported or showered with gifts/lavish entertainment, but because anyone at that age should have a growing retirement account at the least, and perhaps also be making mortgage payments. That says something about the person. It means they can at least take care of themselves. It has nothing to do with expectations or requirements that a guy throw money at his dates.
At a younger age, that wouldn't matter, because a guy would have most of his working life still ahead of him. So few women at 25 or 30 would expect their date to own a home, have an investment account, or be concerned that he was in an entry-level position or just above. At that age, you're in the early stages of getting established in a career.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-06-2017 at 03:13 PM..
That could still be the result of his own selection bias, though, see? Still a barking-up-the-wrong-trees issue. The question then would be, what kind of choices in dating partners is he making, that they all turn out to have this one characteristic in common? Or is that only his perception of their position? Maybe the real issue is that they're concerned that someone well into middle age doesn't have a retirement plan? That's a perfectly valid concern.
IOW, both perspectives the OP raises can be true, without them contradicting each other.
Women here (and elsewhere) say they're not looking for guys with enough money to support them or spend lavishly on them, they're looking for heart-of-gold guys. Women he encounters in the world may give lip service to that (?), but ultimately, he finds they do care about his financial status. What we're saying is, that at his age (which he didn't disclose at first), financial status would be a concern, not because anyone needs to be supported or showered with gifts/lavish entertainment, but because anyone at that age should have a growing retirement account at the least, and perhaps also be making mortgage payments. That says something about the person. It means they can at least take care of themselves. It has nothing to do with expectations or requirements that a guy throw money at his dates.
At a younger age, that wouldn't matter, because a guy would have most of his working life still ahead of him. So few women at 25 or 30 would expect their date to own a home, have an investment account, or be concerned that he was in an entry-level position or just above. At that age, you're in the early stages of getting established in a career.
I had this concern while dating. Like you said, I wasn’t looking for a man to support me or spend lavish amounts of money on me... but conversely, I also didn’t want a guy who wanted to find someone to support him. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve had men who weren’t interested in me at first change their minds when they found out my parents have a little money. I know the perception a lot of people have is that only women can be gold diggers, but that’s not true. Ever hear of the term, “nurse with a purse?” It’s older men who are not well off financially who are looking for women with some means who can take care of him and support him financially.
I’m not saying this is the OP’s plan or anything. He doesn’t sound like that kind of guy. But these women don’t know him very well it sounds like, so it can be a red flag.
I had this concern while dating. Like you said, I wasn’t looking for a man to support me or spend lavish amounts of money on me... but conversely, I also didn’t want a guy who wanted to find someone to support him. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve had men who weren’t interested in me at first change their minds when they found out my parents have money. I know the perception a lot of people have is that only women can be gold diggers, but that’s not true. Ever hear of the term, “nurse with a purse?†It’s older men looking for a woman with some means who can take care of him and support him financially.
I’m not saying this is the OP’s plan or anything. He doesn’t sound like that kind of guy. But these women don’t know him very well it sounds like, so it can be a red flag.
For sure. I also read something that described a guy I once knew very well. "Hobosexual." He was young and cute, but basically kind of a bum. It was easy for him to attract female attention, and he'd wind up living with woman after woman and mooching until he wore out his welcome, then off he went to find the next.
Really I don't think that anybody likes to be taken advantage of. You don't get far in this world, without learning how to avoid people who are likely to do so.
I don't seek wealth in a partner, merely the ability to live within one's means. Boyfriend doesn't make as much as me, but then I bring in decent money...it's not like he earns minimum wage. More importantly he is frugal, responsible, and stable. I respect him. He's worked in the same job for a very long time.
During several long stretches of the marriage to the ex, he would be quitting or getting fired again and again, and continuously starting over. Even though he tended to earn more than I did when he was working...he was often not working. And each time it was really stressful. Both of us were guilty of some bad financial habits (even though I do know better, I didn't always practice what I preached.) Financial stress is hard on relationships. It's hard on quality of life in general.
Ya know, at the car dealership, whether you're getting a loan for an old Ford or a new Lexus, they are still going to run your credit. Serious relationships often wind up involving financial entanglements, so it's only good sense to be concerned with the finances of a potential partner. I even make mental note of such things with mere friends, because I have known people try to cozy up to a friendly person who is reasonably well off, just to see what they could get out of it. Before ya know it, they're asking to borrow money. Nah, I'll pass.
I had this concern while dating. Like you said, I wasn’t looking for a man to support me or spend lavish amounts of money on me... but conversely, I also didn’t want a guy who wanted to find someone to support him. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve had men who weren’t interested in me at first change their minds when they found out my parents have a little money. I know the perception a lot of people have is that only women can be gold diggers, but that’s not true. Ever hear of the term, “nurse with a purse?” It’s older men who are not well off financially who are looking for women with some means who can take care of him and support him financially.
I’m not saying this is the OP’s plan or anything. He doesn’t sound like that kind of guy. But these women don’t know him very well it sounds like, so it can be a red flag.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
For sure. I also read something that described a guy I once knew very well. "Hobosexual." He was young and cute, but basically kind of a bum. It was easy for him to attract female attention, and he'd wind up living with woman after woman and mooching until he wore out his welcome, then off he went to find the next.
Really I don't think that anybody likes to be taken advantage of. You don't get far in this world, without learning how to avoid people who are likely to do so.
If they're having fun and it's a fair trade off I'm not really sure it qualifies as being taken advantage of. Really some women are probably open to that situation, just like some men are. If the woman is fun and cute a lot of guys will take her in for the companionship. My one older friend dated a total loser for a few years, but damn did they have a lot of fun. He said it was some of the best years of his life.
If they're having fun and it's a fair trade off I'm not really sure it qualifies as being taken advantage of. Really some women are probably open to that situation, just like some men are. If the woman is fun and cute a lot of guys will take her in for the companionship. My one older friend dated a total loser for a few years, but damn did they have a lot of fun. He said it was some of the best years of his life.
You have a very good point. To each their own! I mainly look for a lover who is also a close friend and partner in life... fun too of course. But if someone is just having fun and that’s what they like primary, who am I to judge. I just know for me, I like something more substantial.
Although it sounds like the OP wants a more low key kind of relationship, not “go out and have a lot of fun” one. So he maybe be aiming for the wrong demographic in dating.
If they're having fun and it's a fair trade off I'm not really sure it qualifies as being taken advantage of. Really some women are probably open to that situation, just like some men are. If the woman is fun and cute a lot of guys will take her in for the companionship. My one older friend dated a total loser for a few years, but damn did they have a lot of fun. He said it was some of the best years of his life.
I think the reason this guy always wore out his welcome eventually, is that he also wasn't much fun. He was kind of a jerk, really. But that's not the point.
So you are saying some women are open to housing and supporting a homeless guy if he's fun and good company. Does not quite line up with your assertion that it's a "rule" that women are going for the rich men, does it?
Just like the thinking that it's a "rule" that women want commitment and will only give sex if they think they're going to get it. There are women who will put up with all sorts of things for whatever reasons, and sometimes want different things in different stages of their lives.
Same as men, really.
(EDIT: I'm sorry, mental goof, thought I was addressing the OP. It's not your assertion, it's his. Or something. Nevermind. lol)
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