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Is this another case of an inexperienced guy trying to use binary logic to understand women and relationships?
Why is this so common on this forum? I never see guys act like this in real life.
It feels exactly like that...that it's a scientific or mathematical equation and if they can just solve it, it will unlock the code of how relationships work, leaving out feeling, emotion and interpersonal connections.
1. Most complaints about women are directed at attractive women. Average joes complaining about how it's so unfair they can't land the hot chick. Well dude, you're average and you're not really doing anything to better yourself. There's lots of regular women available, but you don't want them.
2. OLD does tend to skew in women's favor in regards to the who is chasing who dynamic, number of options, etc. The point above is exacerbated by the OLD rejection average Joe's receive from women they would normally think are in their league.
In general people try to play up their good side. This has been amplified in the last decade. Saying you just want a happy go lucky guy, money and status aside, sounds great. But in reality if you had the choice between the exact same guy but one had a higher level of status and resources, it's human nature to pick the more successful one. Words are just words.
I think this is a rational enough observation. I don't think it's unique to women, though. What man wouldn't be happy to find out the women he's already interested in has a trust fund? Who, man or women, straight or gay, would object if their partner was more in some positive way, especially if that more didn't change them in any other way. That's human nature, and not women's nature.
No, you're missing the point. You're still assuming you're going to find someone. It's like your home is on hold waiting for someone. Make it into a home for you now. It can always be changed. You may meet someone next week, in 10 years, or never. No reason to keep it a shell until you do in case someone someday may want to move in.
I always thought it was more of the case the OP is basically a Spartan/minimalist. The guy has hobbies but doesn't need to buy things to clutter up his house. He's fine with what he has and couldn't care less about wasting money with stuff he doesn't need. OP is not a hoarder nor does he care about being flashy or trendy. Why fill up a house or design it when he doesn't care about his environment or expects to change when he meets someone else? Just my opinion.
I always thought it was more of the case the OP is basically a Spartan/minimalist. The guy has hobbies but doesn't need to buy things to clutter up his house. He's fine with what he has and couldn't care less about wasting money with stuff he doesn't need. OP is not a hoarder nor does he care about being flashy or trendy. Why fill up a house or design it when he doesn't care about his environment or expects to change when he meets someone else? Just my opinion.
I think it's been established that his house is not the problem. Something happened to him and it changed his ability to get into relationships like he used to. We just don't know what that is.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stockyman
I always thought it was more of the case the OP is basically a Spartan/minimalist. The guy has hobbies but doesn't need to buy things to clutter up his house. He's fine with what he has and couldn't care less about wasting money with stuff he doesn't need. OP is not a hoarder nor does he care about being flashy or trendy. Why fill up a house or design it when he doesn't care about his environment or expects to change when he meets someone else? Just my opinion.
Fair enough, but even if someone isn't dating (and I take breaks all the time), I personally would want a place to be more welcoming and homelike because I'm still going to be entertaining. I assume most people have friends over sometimes? Maybe not?
And I never said anything about being flashy or trendy or hoarding anything. I don't need plants in some windows, no one does, but they certainly add to a place.
You’re getting a very biased point of view when you come to the forums.
It’s impossible to draw any conclusion from what people have to say in here since you are only getting what people want others to hear or what they want to tell other people.
Most people here just want an argument, This leads to all sorts of messy points and untethered thoughts.
TLDR: do not take these forums seriously. Base your reality on you own experiences.
Last edited by rego00123; 10-13-2017 at 10:42 AM..
In general people try to play up their good side. This has been amplified in the last decade. Saying you just want a happy go lucky guy, money and status aside, sounds great. But in reality if you had the choice between the exact same guy but one had a higher level of status and resources, it's human nature to pick the more successful one. Words are just words.
Timberline is right, on this. The blogosphere says "it's human nature" (code: women's nature) to choose the most successful candidate, all other things (ostensibly) being equal. But reality is not so simple and formulaic. Sure, a coldly calculating woman would choose the one who was most capable of maintaining her in high style. But first of all, the days in which women thought that way died with those SAHM sit-coms. Women make their own money now. Secondly--who would want a coldly calculating woman? Those marriages tend to not work out. Thirdly, that just isn't how a lot of women think. Individual chemistry, how personalities mesh together, plays a major role for most people.
Timberline is right, on this. The blogosphere says "it's human nature" (code: women's nature) to choose the most successful candidate, all other things (ostensibly) being equal. But reality is not so simple and formulaic. Sure, a coldly calculating woman would choose the one who was most capable of maintaining her in high style. But first of all, the days in which women thought that way died with those SAHM sit-coms. Women make their own money now. Secondly--who would want a coldly calculating woman? Those marriages tend to not work out. Thirdly, that just isn't how a lot of women think. Individual chemistry, how personalities mesh together, plays a major role for most people.
I would love to believe that, in fact this is exactly what I posted this thread for, the opinion you posted in the above quote runs contrary to what I am seeing out in the real world. yes many woman have their own money but I am finding that those women tend to be even MORE materialistic and have even greater expectations of how a man should be doing. as in "he should be doing as well as me or better".
Even in some of the suggestions women put into how I can make my house more welcoming terms like "for under 1K you can make a difference" as if I have an extra thousand bucks laying around in disposable funds at one time(I actually have way more than that saved in an emergence fund but that's for emergencies like hail damage, flood damage and the like and it took a very long time to save it).
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I think it's been established that his house is not the problem. Something happened to him and it changed his ability to get into relationships like he used to. We just don't know what that is.
I wish I knew, when I first got divorced I was loaded with confidence because dating was so easy for me before I was married(at 21), all I had to do was show up and be tall(6ft5 since I was 15). also the dark brooding thing was viewed as sexy by women in the late 80's early 90's. and back then I had the opposite problem, every woman I dated seemed to want to move in or exchange keys after 4 or 5 dates.
Below is me at that age.
it did not take my long to realize that the dating world had changed(and not for the better), at first I thought it was because I got fat in the years I was married(345-LBS) so I started working out like a fiend and lost 115-LBS in less than 5 months, but that did not help. In fact all it did was attract bored housewives with successful but Pillsbury doe-boy husbands or husbands that are never home because they are always workin !!! to provide that "keepin up with the joneses" lifestyle . And I don't do married women!!! Because I don't wanna be that guy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
You’re getting a very biased point of view when you come to the forums.
It’s impossible to draw any conclusion from what people have to say in here since you are only getting what people want others to hear or what they want to tell other people.
Most people here just want an argument, This leads to all sorts of messy points and untethered thoughts.
TLDR: do not take these forums seriously. Base your reality on you own experiences.
right, women often complain about the same things in men(despite claims that not all women think alike).
But according to the most common complaints I should be what most women are looking for as I am the opposite of those complaints. and in threads where women are asked what they are looking for, I tend to have those things. when guys come on here complaining there are always women saying"I'm not like that!!!" and will give examples of why she is not.
But lets look at what we hear from women online based on what they say they want and what many of us guys face in real life(sometimes based on what they posted on their dating profiles I have read)
they say that they don't care if a man makes a lot of money as long as he can take care of himself, you meet said woman and you do take care of yourself, pay your bill's on time and have your own place,You think you met her requirements, but she points out your house is in a shady side of town or it's a shotgun house, or a trailer and you are broke because you never have any money to blow on going out and stuff etc etc.. Which contradicts the whole not expecting a man to make a lot of money because houses/apartments/condos in nicer neighborhoods, takes a lot of money, going out and doing the things most women I meet want to do takes a lot of money, at least way beyond what it takes to "take care of yourself" IE food ,shelter and basic necessities of life and not be a burden to sociaty.
(She did not put that shallow stuff in her profile....) At least shallow men tend to be super specific in the crap they look for with, lines like "no fatties" or listing specific ages they are seeking, That's a very crude way of putting things but at least you know REALLY what they are looking for.
Or women complain about men that don't spend enough time with them, because they are workaholics, like to hang with their buds all the time, etc etc.... then they meet a guy who has tons of free time in real life, and he soon get's dismissed as clingy or needy.
Women on these forums and in their dating profiles say they want a faithful man, in real life most of the time when a woman shows romantic interest in me(when I did not instigate) are during times I already have a girlfriend!!!!
And often this happens when the woman knows I have one or my GF is actually with me she just went to the restroom or something. and sometimes it was a woman I approached when I was single and she showed no interest then.
Women online complain about guys who are not dependable, who cancel dates because "something came up" they meet a dependable guy who is so happy to have her he would only cancel a date if blood , dismemberment and a hit&run driver was evolved in the reason and they call him ridged or inflexible.
That's the frustrating part, many of us guys on paper are everything women SAY they want, but when you get out there there real life contradicts what is said.
at least when shallow men say what they want, they mean it. I know plenty of shallow guys that stated what they want, and when they found it they stuck with it no matter what, in other words a few of them found the hottie they were looking for and she treats him like crap but he stays because she is hotter than what he can normally attract(stupid reason) and knows his chances of finding another is slim to none.
I think this is a rational enough observation. I don't think it's unique to women, though. What man wouldn't be happy to find out the women he's already interested in has a trust fund? Who, man or women, straight or gay, would object if their partner was more in some positive way, especially if that more didn't change them in any other way. That's human nature, and not women's nature.
I agree. That's why my post said people play up their good side. The example happened to be guy girl, but I finish with human nature.
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