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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx
No i'm saying if she already had her own place she could just move her stuff in, assuming she was renting or in an apartment. now if she does not wanna go through the hassle of moving her stuff there(some people are not attached to their things and just get all new stuff when they move anyway), then we could decorate together and the the place would look like a mashup of her taste and mine. .
No, you're missing the point. You're still assuming you're going to find someone. It's like your home is on hold waiting for someone. Make it into a home for you now. It can always be changed. You may meet someone next week, in 10 years, or never. No reason to keep it a shell until you do in case someone someday may want to move in.
No, you're missing the point. You're still assuming you're going to find someone. It's like your home is on hold waiting for someone. Make it into a home for you now. It can always be changed. You may meet someone next week, in 10 years, or never. No reason to keep it a shell until you do in case someone someday may want to move in.
I think, he considers it "home" just the way it is.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
I think, he considers it "home" just the way it is.
Earlier on he specifically said he did not, that he considered it a house, not a home, which is why I said what I said.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx
I view my computers and other tech as decorations, this is a house, it will be a home when I find someone to share it with, and like I said before she would be free to decorate it with all her stuff, because my place is sparse I would not have to get rid of stuff I became attached to to make room for her things. The only room I would want to keep is my office/studio, (the room with all the screens).
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx
Yes my house may seem sparse but that also means it's basically a blank canvass for what ever home environment a future wife or girlfriend wants to create. .
I think we're getting closer to the crux of the matter.
Most women don't want a man who seems incomplete without a woman in his life. One who has a ton of self on hold, waiting for a hole in his spirit and self to be filled by another person. Someone mentioned the divorced man who seems a bit lost in his empty home and waiting for a mommy figure to come in and manage stuff for him and show him how to live. That's it right there. That's the thing.
A woman wants to be a complete human, meeting another complete human, and joining in partnership with them. That's healthy. Not two incomplete halves making a whole, but two fully realized humans coming together to make something even better. You do not want to present a picture that you're lost or lonely or incomplete without a woman in your life, even if it's true.
Now when it comes to home decorating, and how this translates, some people are kind of minimalist. You don't have to go nuts. But "that rug really tied the room together" lol...even a few things that make the place look comfortable rather than simply utilitarian, is what you should probably shoot for.
...
Someone responded to my last post about my boyfriend and I moving in together, with a comment not understanding the whole man cave thing. Well...my dude is an introvert who's been alone a long time. And I have 2 teenage sons, and um...bf and I are not always quiet, yanno. So I wanted everyone to have their own space, and plenty of space between kids and boyfriend's room. So we got a townhome with a main level, 3 bedrooms for me and my sons upstairs, and a full finished basement which my boyfriend occupies. So I have decorated my room "all me" (GWAR, horror, and other weirdness) and he has decorated his space "all him" (erotic art mostly) and our main level is a meld of his appropriate things (dragons and ladies actually wearing clothes) and my things (like Vigo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters 2, skulls, and more GWAR stuff.) Maybe odd that the prettier art actually belongs to the man in the house, but whatever. He did let me mostly dictate how the main common areas were decorated, with requests to use some of his things with my own.
But where he lived before, the upstairs bedrooms were his own living space, the living room was just a storage area, and the kitchen a cluttered, and strictly utilitarian space. He would never have invited normal friends over to just hang out. Now he can. His old place did not feel incomplete exactly, but like he was very much accustomed to living on his own terms, alone. But he had some of the roadblocks the OP has, like assuming women wouldn't be interested in him for <reason, reason, reason> and living in such a way that it looks like he's not expecting to have anyone in the space but himself...he got lucky, in me, but it took him so very long to find someone willing to give him a chance. The biggest difference between success and failure in finding love, for him, was attitude.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
I think we're getting closer to the crux of the matter.
Most women don't want a man who seems incomplete without a woman in his life. One who has a ton of self on hold, waiting for a hole in his spirit and self to be filled by another person. Someone mentioned the divorced man who seems a bit lost in his empty home and waiting for a mommy figure to come in and manage stuff for him and show him how to live. That's it right there. That's the thing.
A woman wants to be a complete human, meeting another complete human, and joining in partnership with them. That's healthy. Not two incomplete halves making a whole, but two fully realized humans coming together to make something even better. You do not want to present a picture that you're lost or lonely or incomplete without a woman in your life, even if it's true.
Now when it comes to home decorating, and how this translates, some people are kind of minimalist. You don't have to go nuts. But "that rug really tied the room together" lol...even a few things that make the place look comfortable rather than simply utilitarian, is what you should probably shoot for.
.
I don't think most men want this from a woman either. We're adults, we want to meet other adults with fulfilling, happy lives, and if we click and make it even better, that's awesome.
I don't think most men want this from a woman either. We're adults, we want to meet other adults with fulfilling, happy lives, and if we click and make it even better, that's awesome.
Yeah, that whole "I need you to complete me" thing...seems like a lot of pressure.
Yeah, that whole "I need you to complete me" thing...seems like a lot of pressure.
And impersonal.
"I am Man With Slate, I am waiting for Woman With Chalk."
Just any woman? Just a state of mind where there's a gaping hole to fill? (no pun intended).
That's what the problem is when one is not just living and enjoying their own life, not filling up their own empty spaces, but waiting for someone...
That shouldnt define a lifestyle.
Get busy living and someone may see a more attractive picture.
But he had some of the roadblocks the OP has, like assuming women wouldn't be interested in him for <reason, reason, reason> and living in such a way that it looks like he's not expecting to have anyone in the space but himself...he got lucky, in me, but it took him so very long to find someone willing to give him a chance. The biggest difference between success and failure in finding love, for him, was attitude.
This was really interesting to think about. For me, what makes people attractive is openness, or what might be called "vulnerability", but I like openness better. Emotional openness! The willingness to just be open about who one is. This is why I posted about the anima and the animus. The way I (and Carl Jung, haha!) see this, the men who are waiting for the woman, or the women who are waiting for the man, to fulfill their dreams, they are very closed off to their own full self. Like men can be creative with their own homes without needing a woman (my man's home was what I call Rent-A-Center chic...lots of faux black lacquer and faux brass), and woman can be...well, whatever it is that woman want a man to be for them. It's individual specific, of course. Then when the person feels whole, people who are matches in their fullness just show up in the best way. In your man's case, it seems he had to be open enough to himself to just accept who he was and then he found he was acceptable to another. Very beautiful!
Very fascinating thread, thank you OP for the chance for so many people to express their views!
Yeah, that whole "I need you to complete me" thing...seems like a lot of pressure.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
And impersonal.
"I am Man With Slate, I am waiting for Woman With Chalk."
Just any woman? Just a state of mind where there's a gaping hole to fill? (no pun intended).
That's what the problem is when one is not just living and enjoying their own life, not filling up their own empty spaces, but waiting for someone...
That shouldnt define a lifestyle.
Get busy living and someone may see a more attractive picture.
I dunno this sort of comes across as somewhat of an unromantic notion in a way. I like a lot of activities but after doing them alone for so long you start to think it would be nice to have a nice lady to enjoy them with together.
It's sort of like the tandem bikes on the bike trail. I get sick of riding a bike alone and then you see a smiling, giggling happy couple go by on one of those and it's like great, you start to feel like you're missing something. It's not that you don't enjoy the activities, or hobbies, it's that they could be better and more enjoyable. Hiking is another good example, much for fun with a lady than the dudes sometimes, lol.
If you're talking about boring guys that have no interests or hobbies in general then I think I agree mostly.
Last edited by wanderlust76; 10-12-2017 at 03:37 PM..
I dunno this sort of comes across as somewhat of an unromantic notion in a way. I like a lot of activities but after doing them alone for so long you start to think it would be nice to have a nice lady to enjoy them with together.
It's sort of like the tandem bikes on the bike trail. I get sick of riding a bike alone and then you see a smiling, giggling happy couple go by on one of those and it's like great, you start to feel like you're missing something. It's not that you don't enjoy the activities, or hobbies, it's that they could be better and more enjoyable. Hiking is another good example, much for fun with a lady than the dudes sometimes, lol.
If you're talking about boring guys that have no interests or hobbies in general then I think I agree mostly.
You're right, but I do think there's a difference between wistfully longing for someone in your life, and actively putting aspects of your life on hold until some unknown future date when you'll have an SO and everything will be great. If you wanted to go biking and hiking and never did it because having a special someone with you would be better, that's kind of sad.
It's the same kind of magical thinking that people who want to lose weight have--"when I'm thin I'll travel and have lots of relationships and go back to school and yadda yadda", meanwhile they're not trying to do anything now, and there's no guarantee that if and when they reach their goals they will be a different kind of person.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 10-12-2017 at 04:06 PM..
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