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This is exactly what I mean. This odd view. It's not normal to think this way. But if you're willing to accept the consequences of your choices, and explain to potential love interests that you prefer to not to treat your vision issue, and prefer to live in somewhat cave-like conditions, and live somewhat as a night owl, and that you're looking for a woman who's ok with that, well---good luck to you. That's your choice. But don't come to us telling us that your challenge in the dating realm relates to difficulties finding women who are ok with a low-key guy who doesn't have a lot of money to spend. That is not remotely your main issue, no matter how you choose to dress it.
This OP. At age 49, surely you have more self-awareness than you are demonstrating here.
This was a really interesting thread. I enjoyed all the POV!
My personal reaction to the interior of the house was...it made me feel a little depressed and unattracted. Because I imagined I was on a date with someone I liked and then I came into the house, and it was a downer. So I explored why I felt this reaction; maybe it will be of help in some way. In and of itself it means nothing, it's just based on my own pyschological makeup.
What is it about my place that makes you sad?
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When first dating someone, there is a somewhat unconscious drive to see/evaluate how I would fit into this person's existing world. Your home is different from my aesthetic of how I want my home to look, but it looks like your home, like you are happy there and fulfilled, it's "You" and that there would not be any room for "me" and what I want and how I want my home to look, unless I 'changed' you. Which I do not want to do! Your home tells me about "You".
You would not have to change me, I like most guys I know when a woman moves in I let then decorate the house like they want to, I only wish to keep my office as I wish, the rest of the house she can brighten up as much as she wants, and because my aesthetic is so basic it's easy to do, usually what happens is her decorations from her previous residence end up in the living room and bedroom, and the few things I had there go to my storage shed out back(which as you see is not much), and since I don't have much hanging on my walls there is always room for any paintings or pictures she has on my almost bare walls.
Yes my house may seem sparse but that also means it's basically a blank canvass for what ever home environment a future wife or girlfriend wants to create.
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So if we were on a date and I came to your house, I would start to feel uneasy and maybe not even realize the reason at the time. It's not because of being a 'gold digger' (although I do not object to anyone liking money!), or you not being worthy of me, nothing like that...it's just a sudden disconnect between what I want and what I see as my options with you. Probably the exact same reason that men sometimes don't further pursue a woman they had been enthusiastically chasing and just had sex with. The information about the other person has produced something the other is resistant to in some way (which is always about them and what they really are seeking).
Where as I look solely at the person I could care less about how she decorates her home because to me it's about her company not our surroundings, but as far as the way my house looks, of course I am not going to decorate it like you would, I'm a straight male, bright colors, floral prints and the like are not going to enter my mind when getting curtains and sheets, they are there to provide privacy through my windows and so I am not sleeping directly on my mattress.
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Originally Posted by zentropa
Exactly this. Although my aversion to the house is more visceral than yours. It really looks like a hermit, criminal or disordered person lives there, in the dark, behind bars.
How so? what screams hermit? disorder? I try to keep my place clean, I keep my movies and games in shelves organized by genre and sub-genre. in fact those floors are pretty new, I did the living room last year and the bedroom a few months ago(will never do carpet again). Even in my office my computer towers are in little slots I built under the desk and I built shelves in the closet for my spare computer parts, cables, studio,ham/CB radio and video equipment I don't use all the time.
How does that seem disordered? And how is protecting what I have a bad thing? I need my computer for work, all my electronics aren't cheap and I usually have to save up for them, so if I was burglarized I could not replace that stuff quickly, also people get burglarized no matter where they live, bars simply tell a burglar that my place is harder to and will take longer to get into and they may make a lot of noise in the attempt increasing the chances of getting caught, so go to the next house that's easier and faster to penetrate so you're in and out before the police had time to respond to the alarm service call.
You know, I was beginning to think you might be a logical, intelligent guy by your responses here. You don't get defensive and haven't resorted to personal attacks -like some posters asking for advice, who end up getting insulted. So I thought I'd check your profile pic out. I was surprised to see a guy with an aggressive stance holding some kind of sword or machete, dark goggles/glasses on, no smile, not welcoming. Your 3 memes are of homeless guys who have found women to stand by them and be homeless, because this is what real love is(?).
This is really messed up. I'm not materialistic and status oriented, but I still cannot relate to a women standing by a homeless guy. Id tell him to get an effing job, collect cans, live with me, whatever, the women portrayed in your memes -that you admire, are mentally ill. You help someone you love rise above, not live under a bridge with them.
If this pic of you is the one you would put in an OLD profile, you could only hope to attract a "sub", and a brave, or crazy one at that. Very limited audience for this look and this house. When you find a girl, she will definitely be one-in-a-million.
You would not have to change me, I like most guys I know when a woman moves in I let then decorate the house like they want to, I only wish to keep my office as I wish, the rest of the house she can brighten up as much as she wants, and because my aesthetic is so basic it's easy to do, usually what happens is her decorations from her previous residence end up in the living room and bedroom, and the few things I had there go to my storage shed out back(which as you see is not much), and since I don't have much hanging on my walls there is always room for any paintings or pictures she has on my almost bare walls.
Yes my house may seem sparse but that also means it's basically a blank canvass for what ever home environment a future wife or girlfriend wants to create.
Where as I look solely at the person I could care less about how she decorates her home because to me it's about her company not our surroundings, but as far as the way my house looks, of course I am not going to decorate it like you would, I'm a straight male, bright colors, floral prints and the like are not going to enter my mind when getting curtains and sheets, they are there to provide privacy through my windows and so I am not sleeping directly on my mattress.
How so? what screams hermit? disorder? I try to keep my place clean, I keep my movies and games in shelves organized by genre and sub-genre. in fact those floors are pretty new, I did the living room last year and the bedroom a few months ago(will never do carpet again). Even in my office my computer towers are in little slots I built under the desk and I built shelves in the closet for my spare computer parts, cables, studio,ham/CB radio and video equipment I don't use all the time.
How does that seem disordered? And how is protecting what I have a bad thing? I need my computer for work, all my electronics aren't cheap and I usually have to save up for them, so if I was burglarized I could not replace that stuff quickly, also people get burglarized no matter where they live, bars simply tell a burglar that my place is harder to and will take longer to get into and they may make a lot of noise in the attempt increasing the chances of getting caught, so go to the next house that's easier and faster to penetrate so you're in and out before the police had time to respond to the alarm service call.
Most people have insurance, OP. You remind me of the gun nut on one of the Current Events threads awhile ago, defending his right to blow an intruder away (even an unarmed one), to snuff a life, instead of quietly exiting safely from the opposite side of the house from the intruder. "I'm not going to let some delinquent take my stuff that I worked hard for!" he blustered. Have this many people really never heard of, or can't afford, insurance?
Most people have insurance, OP. You remind me of the gun nut on one of the Current Events threads awhile ago, defending his right to blow an intruder away (even an unarmed one), to snuff a life, instead of quietly exiting safely from the opposite side of the house from the intruder. "I'm not going to let some delinquent take my stuff that I worked hard for!" he blustered. Have this many people really never heard of, or can't afford, insurance?
I'm not a gun nut by any stretch(I feel guns are the weapons of cowards), but I do believe that anyone breaking into someones home deserves what ever happens to them. people work hard for what they have and insurance does not always replace everything and even if they did they don't cut a check that day.
Also when you do file a claim your payments go up when its time to renew. I would rather only have to file a claim if I get hail damage or something.
And why go through that hassle if it can be deterred? BTW here in Texas it's legal to shoot someone breaking into your car at night.
This is exactly what I mean. This odd view. It's not normal to think this way. But if you're willing to accept the consequences of your choices, and explain to potential love interests that you prefer to not to treat your vision issue, and prefer to live in somewhat cave-like conditions, and live somewhat as a night owl, and that you're looking for a woman who's ok with that, well---good luck to you. That's your choice. But don't come to us telling us that your challenge in the dating realm relates to difficulties finding women who are ok with a low-key guy who doesn't have a lot of money to spend. That is not remotely you main issue, no matter how you choose to dress it.
You call it a vision issue, what you call correcting it would mean I could not see as well.
I mention the finance thing because those stick out and are mentioned.
Many people are nite owls, do you sit back and watch TV with all your lights on?
Most outdoor events I go to are at night, in downtown there are usually live shows going on at night, most of the restaurants, cafes, coffee shops and bars have patios. Also I do go on group rides because I enjoy cycling, but that does not help meet people because most of the rides I have tried tend to be guy heavy and the only women there are usually already paired up.
The video below is the tail end of one of those rides taken with a pair of shades with a built in camera(and I could still see just fine). https://youtu.be/1Ik9P-mQr-c
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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A small population are really night owls. Just like a small population goes out to night clubs. And your place, to me, just looks devoid of joy. No art, no plants, no books, closed up, barred up. I'm a dude and wouldn't want to spend any time there. You're looking for a population so small that would be ok with this that the odds are dramatically against you ever finding someone. Money isn't your issue, it's lifestyle. It just doesn't appeal to many people. If it makes you happy, fine, but be prepared to do it solo.
Most people have insurance, OP. You remind me of the gun nut on one of the Current Events threads awhile ago, defending his right to blow an intruder away (even an unarmed one), to snuff a life, instead of quietly exiting safely from the opposite side of the house from the intruder. "I'm not going to let some delinquent take my stuff that I worked hard for!" he blustered. Have this many people really never heard of, or can't afford, insurance?
Its not so much the material things most people are worried about. Not for me anyway, and I have some really outrageously expensive items in my home. I'm more worried about the safety of my family, and myself. Money and material things can be replaced, with or without insurance, a life can not. My home is fully automated with one of the best security systems around, and all this was put in place with one thing in mind; to protect any intruders life's. I have no idea whats going on in an intruders mind when they're attempting to break into my home, especially when I'm home. I can only assume one thing: that person is there to physically hurt me and or my family.
My worst fear is having to shoot someone, but when push comes to shove......
I'm not a gun nut by any stretch(I feel guns are the weapons of cowards), but I do believe that anyone breaking into someones home deserves what ever happens to them. people work hard for what they have and insurance does not always replace everything and even if they did they don't cut a check that day.
Also when you do file a claim your payments go up when its time to renew. I would rather only have to file a claim if I get hail damage or something.
And why go through that hassle if it can be deterred? BTW here in Texas it's legal to shoot someone breaking into your car at night.
Life is cheap. Stalin felt the same way. But we're digressing. So you feel that insurance is too much of a bureaucratic hassle? I guess it would leave you without a computer for whatever--a few weeks. (There are libraries for people without computers.) Well, I'm not saying you shouldn't have some kind of security system, which you obviously do have. It just sounded as though you felt you'd have to save up all over again, to replace any stolen items. Maybe I misunderstood you. If so, my bad.
I do watch TV with the lights on, because they say it's bad for your eyes to watch it in a darkened room. Bad for normal eyes, anyway. I don't understand your position, that you wouldn't be able to see as well, if you got your vision issue corrected. Would your vision end up blurred, or would it only be the difference between good night vision (currently), vs. normal day vision, with a slight loss in night vision? There may be aspects of your situation that are outside of our understanding, here.
OK, so it sounds like what you're looking for in a partner is another night owl. A night owl who's ok with living a modest life with a cool, loving, fiscally disciplined guy. I think all of that would be doable, without the night owl part, but that makes it all the more challenging. Well, and that's not to mention the fact that your place doesn't exactly look cozy and welcoming, but other posters have covered that topic.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-09-2017 at 10:48 AM..
[quote=Ruth4Truth;49768347]Life is cheap. Stalin felt the same way. But we're digressing. So you feel that insurance is too much of a bureaucratic hassle? I guess it would leave you without a computer for whatever--a few weeks. (There are libraries for people without computers.) Well, I'm not saying you shouldn't have some kind of security system, which you obviously do have. It just sounded as though you felt you'd have to save up all over again, to replace any stolen items. Maybe I misunderstood you. If so, my bad.[quote]
yep a few weeks without pay, as the library would not let me download my work software, and I do have a security system(not a service but alarms) plus small cameras in and out of the house that feed to a cloud service I can go back about a week viewing the vids(because i use the free clouds), the bars are more of a deterrent to would be thieves, think about it, if a thief see's 2 houses and one looks like it would be harder to get into he/she will pick the easier target. The bars were on the house when I bought it, half of the other houses have bars(mostly the elderly people), from what I learned from neighbors, at one time all the houses had bars because back in the 70's there was a huge spike in crime in the area but some time in the 90's the crime rate went down and some people who moved in the neighborhood had the bars removed from their houses. about five years ago 2 houses were broken into, and guess what... they were houses without bars though one had a security system.
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I do watch TV with the lights on, because they say it's bad for your eyes to watch it in a darkened room. Bad for normal eyes, anyway. I don't understand your position, that you wouldn't be able to see as well, if you got your vision issue corrected. Would your vision end up blurred, or would it only be the difference between good night vision (currently), vs. normal day vision, with a slight loss in night vision? There may be aspects of your situation that are outside of our understanding, here.
It would be more than a slight loss of night vision, the best way I can describe it, is how the doctor explained it to my parents when I was like 6 or 7, he dimmed the lights in his office to a comfortable level(to me), and he asked my mother how does the office look to you, and she said "it's dark" (it was not really that dark) and he turned the light all the way up and told her that's what it looks like to your son. this was back in the 70's and there was nothing that could be done for my type back then(and a good thing because they would have had it done),
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OK, so it sounds like what you're looking for in a partner is another night owl. A night owl who's ok with living a modest life with a cool, loving, fiscally disciplined guy. I think all of that would be doable, without the night owl part, but that makes it all the more challenging. Well, and that's not to mention the fact that your place doesn't exactly look cozy and welcoming, but other posters have covered that topic.
Yep I would most likely have to mostly deal with women with night jobs as they will already have a similar sleep schedule. unfortunately The older I get the fewer people in my age range work the graveyard shift lol. which is funny because when I worked outside the house I always viewed the night shift as the lesser of 2 evils, less traffic on the way to work, fewer bosses around to deal with, the work tends to be more laid back than the same job in the day shift.
And maybe I view my home as welcoming and cozy because I have a lot of entertaining things in my house.
And like I said my home is like a blank slate for whatever future girlfriend/wife I end up with, not much on my walls so she could put her pictures and artwork up, my cinder-block/2x4 shelves can easily be taken apart and put in the garage(and take up almost no space when stacked.), not as easy if I had a lot of furniture. so with me she would not have to deal with that talk about whose stuff gets kept and what gets sold or thrown out , she can decorate the whole house, I just want my office.
that space between my porch and garage perfect for a garden if she wants one. basically my whole house would be a blank slate for her.
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