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Meaning say you come across a dating profile that draws you in, they seem to have many things in common with you, same likes, interests, political views, taste in music/movies, similar hobbies etc etc..
There photos seem up to date and you find them attractive etc etc
Every thing seems perfect until you run across one thing that ruins it in your eyes,
something mentioned in their about me: (usually mentioned somewhere towards the end).
Or something in their stats that is a deal breaker for you.
Or something in the settings of some or most of their photos gives you pause.
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It seems to me that this whole conversation as gotten far away from the original concept.
It's easy to rule out someone who is obviously a bad match in every way, or whose profile gives almost no sense of who they are as a person. If someone is a religious fanatic, a sexist, a racist, too liberal, too conservative, too self-centered, etc., that doesn't count, in terms of the OP.
The question was not, "what profiles do you find so horrible/poorly written/incomplete that you would never consider the person," but "what would make you sadly pass by someone who seemed absolutely ideal in many other ways.
Key word: sadly. As in, "well, damn."
I have a few:
Unwillingness or inability to live with pets. You could be the best person on earth, but I am not getting rid of my animals for you, not now, not ever. Better that we never get started.
Contempt for people who believe in God. I'm politically liberal, so I have not included religious extremism, for the reasons mentioned above. However, it's very disheartening to find a profile that sounds lovely in every way, until they start mocking any and all religious beliefs. I'm a very liberal Christian, but I'm still a Christian, so if you go off on the stupidity of people who believe in a "Sky Daddy," we might be friends, but we won't be dating.
Hatred of smokers. Not smoking - smokers. I smoke. I know it's a bad habit, and I will happily refrain in your presence as we get to know each other. I might even quit one day. I know I should - your encouragement might help. But if you write me off as pond scum over a habit before we even meet, well...I don't want you any more than you want me.
It seems to me that this whole conversation as gotten far away from the original concept.
It's easy to rule out someone who is obviously a bad match in every way, or whose profile gives almost no sense of who they are as a person. If someone is a religious fanatic, a sexist, a racist, too liberal, too conservative, too self-centered, etc., that doesn't count, in terms of the OP.
The question was not, "what profiles do you find so horrible/poorly written/incomplete that you would never consider the person," but "what would make you sadly pass by someone who seemed absolutely ideal in many other ways.
Key word: sadly. As in, "well, damn."
I have a few:
Unwillingness or inability to live with pets. You could be the best person on earth, but I am not getting rid of my animals for you, not now, not ever. Better that we never get started.
Contempt for people who believe in God. I'm politically liberal, so I have not included religious extremism, for the reasons mentioned above. However, it's very disheartening to find a profile that sounds lovely in every way, until they start mocking any and all religious beliefs. I'm a very liberal Christian, but I'm still a Christian, so if you go off on the stupidity of people who believe in a "Sky Daddy," we might be friends, but we won't be dating.
Hatred of smokers. Not smoking - smokers. I smoke. I know it's a bad habit, and I will happily refrain in your presence as we get to know each other. I might even quit one day. I know I should - your encouragement might help. But if you write me off as pond scum over a habit before we even meet, well...I don't want you any more than you want me.
True.
OK, I'll bite. For me, if I find a profile that is looking good, if I come across language that triggers memories of my ex, I'll "sadly" take a pass. (Not that I'm looking right now, but hypothetically.) I know that's a "me" thing...there is nothing WRONG with some of this stuff, but I don't want to deal with having to stow my baggage over sentiments that upset me all the time. I don't want to be reminded of him.
One of them, which in fact I start feeling a bit tetchy here sometimes when someone talks about this, is being untrusting, having trust issues, needing to constantly snoop and watch and do this whole private detective routine because they can't just trust their partner, and especially if it's not warranted by something that has happened, they just ASSUME that this person shouldn't be taken on trust.
Nah. So dating profiles where they go on and on about loyalty and faithfulness put me off. Not because I have a problem DOING that, but I can't deal with a partner who has trust issues and treats me like a bad person. Who acts like they are the morally upstanding one, and for whatever reason they have authority to treat me like a misbehaving teenager. If a guy sounds bitter about women lying or cheating in his past, or emphasizes that in certain ways, I feel like he might act that way.
Last edited by Sonic_Spork; 04-23-2018 at 01:48 PM..
OK, I'll bite. For me, if I find a profile that is looking good, if I come across language that triggers memories of my ex, I'll "sadly" take a pass. (Not that I'm looking right now, but hypothetically.) I know that's a "me" thing...there is nothing WRONG with some of this stuff, but I don't want to deal with having to stow my baggage over sentiments that upset me all the time. I don't want to be reminded of him.
One of them, which in fact I start feeling a bit tetchy here sometimes when someone talks about this, is being untrusting, having trust issues, needing to constantly snoop and watch and do this would private detective routine because they can't just trust their partner, and especially if it's not warranted by something that has happened, they just ASSUME that this person shouldn't be taken on trust.
Nah. So dating profiles where they go on and on about loyalty and faithfulness put me off. Not because I have a problem DOING that, but I can't deal with a partner who has trust issues and treats me like a bad person. Who acts like they are the morally upstanding one, and for whatever reason they have authority to treat me like a misbehaving teenager. If a guy sounds bitter about women lying or cheating in his past, or emphasizes that in certain ways, I feel like he might act that way.
Yeah, that would be a big, fat "no" for me, too, but back when I was doing the OLD thing, that was the kind of attitude that usually colored the entire tone of the profile. That's why I didn't include it in my short list. It's not that "one sad thing."
FWIW, I have, or had, a feeling quite similar to what you have described about men who go on and on about how women don't like "nice guys." I LOVE nice guys. Most women I know love nice guys. What isn't so loveable is a guy who pretends to be nice, thinking it will get him laid, and then gets angry and resentful when the woman accepts his offer of friendship at face value instead of putting out for him because he was "nice."
Yeah, that would be a big, fat "no" for me, too, but back when I was doing the OLD thing, that was the kind of attitude that usually colored the entire tone of the profile. That's why I didn't include it in my short list. It's not that "one sad thing."
FWIW, I have, or had, a feeling quite similar to what you have described about men who go on and on about how women don't like "nice guys." I LOVE nice guys. Most women I know love nice guys. What isn't so loveable is a guy who pretends to be nice, thinking it will get him laid, and then gets angry and resentful when the woman accepts his offer of friendship at face value instead of putting out for him because he was "nice."
in my experience, guys who say they are "nice guys" are NOT nice guys.
Yeah, that would be a big, fat "no" for me, too, but back when I was doing the OLD thing, that was the kind of attitude that usually colored the entire tone of the profile. That's why I didn't include it in my short list. It's not that "one sad thing."
FWIW, I have, or had, a feeling quite similar to what you have described about men who go on and on about how women don't like "nice guys." I LOVE nice guys. Most women I know love nice guys. What isn't so loveable is a guy who pretends to be nice, thinking it will get him laid, and then gets angry and resentful when the woman accepts his offer of friendship at face value instead of putting out for him because he was "nice."
Yeah, that was just an example. But a guy could have an otherwise good profile, and if he says some particular thing that gives me that feeling then I would pass on it. And I am willing to admit, that I might overreact to something that is innocent, it's not wrong, and in fact might be just the right thing to say to some women (who don't have my life history.) You just can't be all things to all people, though.
Likewise the guys who said they wanted a wife. I might eventually decide to marry someone, but I can't have that expectation going on from the very first date, or before we've even talked. There is a starting point, where we get to know one another, and then gradually decide if we enjoy one another's company in various ways, and it can take years for me to know if I might want to make a lifelong commitment. A guy who is on a mission to find a wife...I won't even mess with that.
I find height restrictions a turn off, even being 6'2 and meeting all the ones I've seen. They strike me as being rude, insensitive, and shallow, especially since it's something you can't change.
"Looking for partner in crime." Grow up.
"Love to travel, windsurf, kite surf, mountain bike, blah blah blah." I get it, you're super cool and rad. But I already have friends to do this stuff with. I'm looking for a wife, not a totally rad dude to hit the surf with.
"Yoga." Barf. Trendy. No one cares.
"Divorced." No thanks
"Single mother." Nope.
"Waiting for my knight in shining armor." Barf. Reality is that way.
Basically any woman who has a laundry list of requirements while having nothing to offer is no go territory.
Damn well I'm not sure who's left for you to date.
Well, for the time being, I don't have to worry about it as I have a girlfriend. When that ends, yeah, I'll be thrust back out into the nightmarish landscape known as modern dating.
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