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Physical: Tattooed Boobs
Social: Young Children, but not living with them.
Interests: Church and god mentioned several times in profile.
General: Student: Probably too young for me.
You know, I think it is one thing to know that you don't want a shiftless moocher in your life, and another to put it in your dating profile.
I think that people have to be careful how they structure their dating profiles because in saying, "No shiftless moochers!" you're kind of saying "I'm cynical because I've been burned." Which indicates possible defensiveness and trust issues, which is unappealing. Just like for a man to say, "No cheaters, game players, or party girls" or something means he's pre-judging women, or he's been burned before and his overall opinion of women in the dating pool has dropped...and women don't feel good when we see such things either.
It's perfectly fine to HAVE those standards, and to tease out those dealbreakers and, if found, break the deal. But maybe putting all of your disqualifying factors right out there on display, showing that you've been in bad connections before and you're kind of jaded about the whole love thing...that's just not the best approach. I don't think I'd want visitors to my profile engaging in uncomfortable self examination to determine if they are good enough to talk to me.
You know, I think it is one thing to know that you don't want a shiftless moocher in your life, and another to put it in your dating profile.
I think that people have to be careful how they structure their dating profiles because in saying, "No shiftless moochers!" you're kind of saying "I'm cynical because I've been burned." Which indicates possible defensiveness and trust issues, which is unappealing. Just like for a man to say, "No cheaters, game players, or party girls" or something means he's pre-judging women, or he's been burned before and his overall opinion of women in the dating pool has dropped...and women don't feel good when we see such things either.
It's perfectly fine to HAVE those standards, and to tease out those dealbreakers and, if found, break the deal. But maybe putting all of your disqualifying factors right out there on display, showing that you've been in bad connections before and you're kind of jaded about the whole love thing...that's just not the best approach. I don't think I'd want visitors to my profile engaging in uncomfortable self examination to determine if they are good enough to talk to me.
As usual, SS is right on track.
It's easy to infer that someone who puts this in their profile has more than a little history with these kinds of people and aren't able to sniff them out. That's not attractive to me.
It's easy to infer that someone who puts this in their profile has more than a little history with these kinds of people and aren't able to sniff them out. That's not attractive to me.
Well, the other thing too...is that if they have a lot of recent history with lowlifes, my concern would also be if they have present-day friendships with lots of scummy people who stand to then bring THEIR drama into MY life...
Or, like my ex, he keeps going after women who are in majorly challenging life situations, and from the outside it's clear to me, he's looking to "save" someone... He believes himself to be of low value objectively (he thinks he's ugly. He's actually pretty average looking. I've tried to tell him, this, but he doesn't believe me, because he thinks I'd only leave because he's not sexy enough...nevermind that whole "holding at gunpoint" business. ANYHOW) and because of this he feels this need to find a vulnerable person he can rescue, that he can prove his worth to, and then she would be dependent upon him, and bound by gratitude, to put up with whatever and to stay with him and love him. Kind of a "come with me if you want to live" situation.
Everything about it is unhealthy, it's a mess.
Really unless someone takes the time to stow their baggage and heal their stuff, which is totally possible, if they keep having bad relationships with bad people, it does indicate there's something worrisome going on with them. Something they need to dig out and process. Of course no one is perfect and everybody's got issues of some kind, we just need to decide if a partner has issues we can handle being with, or not.
But that first impression of the dating profile and the first date, just isn't the right time to let it ALL hang out. Of course, thinking back, I did talk about my ex and my troubled home life when I was dating, but I think I also made it clear that I "picked" this person, when I was 18...and since then, I'd dated better people. It seemed at the time, just a bit too big and still being dealt with, for me to NOT talk about it.
I was, however, rather surprised how many guys were still willing to date me. I sort of expected it to scare them off, it was just a chance I was willing to take.
I think that if I were looking -- I've been married for 31 years and so I'm not -- the only thing I would "sadly" pass on would be someone who was very much into physical fitness and/or who made it clear that they wanted sex a LOT. I just knew that I would not be able to keep up with either one, and that would make me sad. Everything else I can think of that would be turn-offs to me -- such as smoking, many tattoos and/or piercings, etc. -- I would be very happy to skip with a silent "ugh, no thanks!"
Last edited by katharsis; 03-16-2018 at 11:40 AM..
Way too extreme, imo. I can understand not dating someone that loves Trump, but there are plenty of conservative/republicans that are normal people and don't like Trump.
Not extreme at all. I recognize there are plenty of decent people who are Republicans. I grew up in a family of hardcore Republicans, and I am generally opposed to that worldview as an adult. As I developed my values, I kind of realized they were diametrically opposed to the ones held by my family. The fear of others "getting away with something" seems to be particularly prevalent. Amusingly, I've watched many in my generation in my family have abortions and commit crimes for which they were fortunately not prosecuted, and then turn into full-blown Republicans. I love my relatives, but holy crap they make me laugh. I have friends on both sides of the spectrum, but if I ever decide to have a relationship again it will be with someone who mostly aligns with me politically. I don't even belong to a party - I just have certain things I see as extremely important concerns, and those have never been opinions shared by any Republican I've met. And yes, I know a TON.
Further, I've read recent studies that indicate that conservatives and liberals have brains that work very differently. Conservatives have more a of a fearful response to novelty while liberals tend to embrace it - again, I've lived my life surrounded by Republicans (I used to think Democrats were some kind of deviant species as a child), so I have seen the truth in this.
Republicans are out as possible romantic interests (and yes, I've given it a try), and Trump voters are only tolerated in my social circle on a provisional basis until they prove that they're not morons.
My point being even if she did not expect me to pay for stuff if someone likes to travel that is not going to change just because she met me, so either I would be spending alot of time alone or I would have to travel with her, and no woman is gonna want to pay her boyfriends way so I would be going broke trying to keep up.
And I have trouble spending large sums of money on things I have nothing to show for after the money is spent.
Experiences are much better to spend $$ on than things, IMO.
Travel is always worth it, IMO.
10 years from now, what will you cherish more, the memories you made traveling or a pair of shoes, video game, computer... some material item you bought.
it's also a very common misconception that it's expensive to travel. It isn't.
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ANYHOW) and because of this he feels this need to find a vulnerable person he can rescue, that he can prove his worth to, and then she would be dependent upon him, and bound by gratitude, to put up with whatever and to stay with him and love him. Kind of a "come with me if you want to live" situation. 
