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Dating; looking for and being with someone who really popped your cork. Gradually getting to know more about them, when to simply be with them made one feel truly alive. When was the last time I counted the hours down before I would be with someone? Whispered phone calls from either of us in even the early hours of the morning, when at times we couldn't be together. Or looking ahead to another laughter filled weekend, when even if offered the choice, there was nowhere I'd rather be and nobody else I'd rather be with?
It all used to be such great fun, and now it isn't. The American phrase "the juice isn't worth the squeeze" encapsulates it for me. The latter day mind games, the deceit, the sh1t tests; it simply isn't worth it any more. I find the dwindling rewards to be completely unequal to the enormous effort one has to put in.
I like women, always have, and still do. This mgtow or incel stuff is not for me at all, though I refuse to criticise or condemn anyone, man or woman, for simply walking away from it all and seeking pleasure in other areas of their life. The modern dating scene, such as it is, is just awful. Yes, I'd go back in a heartbeat if it were possible. But it isn't.
Dating; looking for and being with someone who really popped your cork. Gradually getting to know more about them, when to simply be with them made one feel truly alive. When was the last time I counted the hours down before I would be with someone? Whispered phone calls from either of us in even the early hours of the morning, when at times we couldn't be together. Or looking ahead to another laughter filled weekend, when even if offered the choice, there was nowhere I'd rather be and nobody else I'd rather be with?
It all used to be such great fun, and now it isn't. The American phrase "the juice isn't worth the squeeze" encapsulates it for me. The latter day mind games, the deceit, the sh1t tests; it simply isn't worth it any more. I find the dwindling rewards to be completely unequal to the enormous effort one has to put in.
I like women, always have, and still do. This mgtow or incel stuff is not for me at all, though I refuse to criticise or condemn anyone, man or woman, for simply walking away from it all and seeking pleasure in other areas of their life. The modern dating scene, such as it is, is just awful. Yes, I'd go back in a heartbeat if it were possible. But it isn't.
Just my 2 cents as you good people say.
Why are you running into more of the downside now, that you did before? Could it be the switch to OLD from IRL? There's always been mind games, deceit, etc. You were lucky if you didn't run into it before. Why did that change for you?
Yes. Also, the OP has admitted in earlier threads that he has Asparger’s, and also some mild balance/gait/coordination issues caused by a genetic problem. So he’s facing some tough challenges in the dating arena. He may be a wonderful guy, but he has to figure out how to keep others from writing him off as a potential partner too quickly.
But would his chances have been better back in “the good old days� No. Heck, his family might have had him involuntarily committed to the state mental hospital! The world is a LOT more understanding of the physically disabled and the non-neurotypical than it used to be (which doesn’t mean we still don’t have considerable room for improvement).
In many ways yes, but still I will dare argue that non-neurotypical people have it actually a little tougher in some ways.
In many ways yes, but still I will dare argue that non-neurotypical people have it actually a little tougher in some ways.
Of course they do. But that's my point: at least today they have a chance. Frankly in the "good old days" you woudn't have been in the dating pool at all, as you fail the #1 test for male dating success in the "good old days": you don't qualify as a "good provider" (and perhaps may never qualify as such). No young woman from a decent family would have been permitted to date you. So why are you looking back nostalgically at that time? You wouldn't have been one of the dating winners back in the "good old days," you would have been one of the losers.
Work hard on improving on your social skills, so women don't automatically write you off before you have a chance to show them what a great person you are inside. But don't pine nostalgically for a bygone time you never experienced firsthand. The "good old days" were only good for some people, and you would not have been one of them.
No. It's that women have better economic prospects, more cultural freedom, and a wider selection of potential mates than at any other point in history. This has led to new options that most women haven't had before. They don't have to get married right out of school in order to secure their economic future and "proper" place in society and culture. They can raise their bar and wait for someone to top it, engage in less serious or less permanent relationships, focus on their careers or lives and not date (or date for casual sex). They're able to be more selective about their romantic choices than at any other time. Increased selectivity means more instances of guys not being selected, which means some guys get rejected more, and for longer portions of their lives.
That's their nugget of truth.
The decline in marriage is likely the result of the social changes you cite. However I do not see it as a good thing for society at all. In fact it moves us closer to the world of animals in regards to social structure and mating habits. In the animal world only the strongest males mate, most males are rejected or drive off by these strong males. The rejected males are constantly making violent challenges to these dominant males in order to usurp and replace them. Monogamy goes out the window here if the same small group of males are mating with all the females. In the animal world the males rarely take interest in their offspring, that burden falls upon the female. The difference between humans and animals is we have developed complicated societies and moral structures to prevent this sort of animalistic behavior.
All those in our society who seek to “end the patriarchy†or “stop they misogynists†don’t think about what may replace our social order if they upend everything our social and family structures have been for thousands of years. Marriage and family structures provide us with a stability that only humans have. Marriage is an important institution and any trend that weakens or defiles it is a great harm to civilization.
of course they do. But that's my point: At least today they have a chance. Frankly in the "good old days" you woudn't have been in the dating pool at all, as you fail the #1 test for male dating success in the "good old days": You don't qualify as a "good provider" (and perhaps may never qualify as such). No young woman from a decent family would have been permitted to date you. So why are you looking back nostalgically at that time? You wouldn't have been one of the dating winners back in the "good old days," you would have been one of the losers.
Work hard on improving on your social skills, so women don't automatically write you off before you have a chance to show them what a great person you are inside. But don't pine nostalgically for a bygone time you never experienced firsthand. The "good old days" were only good for some people, and you would not have been one of them.
I always find it fascinating that those longing for the good old days are almost universally male. As has been noted before, the good old days were only good for a very select male portion of the population.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowan123
I always find it fascinating that those longing for the good old days are almost universally male. As has been noted before, the good old days were only good for a very select male portion of the population.
Yup, and mostly its the introverted males that somehow think that just by existing and having a job they would have been a catch since they could have been a "provider".
I always find it fascinating that those longing for the good old days are almost universally male. As has been noted before, the good old days were only good for a very select male portion of the population.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Yup, and mostly its the introverted males that somehow think that just by existing and having a job they would have been a catch since they could have been a "provider".
Too much Leave it to Beaver. Not enough history.
Exactly!
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