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At least this is clear - he lives with his "ex" and spent New Year with her. Therefore she should not be called an ex. She is very much present - his current significant other. He is not going to end this relationship. Perhaps she is a better match, socially more appropriate and approved by his parents.
OR maybe the whole "parents will not approve" was just a lie.
So whatever he was telling about his psycho ex was a lie. I suspect that most everything he told OP was just a lie, including that he loves and cares for her.
It's still very unclear why he married OP. Perhaps his current GF is married to someone else? Or doesn't want to be married to him?
I wonder if she knows that he is married now. While I was actually trying to believe that OP got married, now I have a hard time with that, although if they really went to the City Hall I don't see how he could manage to pull a fake stunt. I don't know. I was never married in the US, so I don't know the procedures.
I am not sure what to think. I feel really sorry for OP, especially because now she realized that this is not a marriage she was hoping for. The only way to get out of it would be to get the marriage annulled and ask to compensate for emotional damage. She needs to involve a lawyer.
The marriage never existed and is easily voidable. He should be liable for legal costs and other compensations.
This is not gold-digging and the OP has every right to get compensated. It is 100% his fault. He married her without the proper intent.
OP, this marriage has no future. Nothing will change, ever. He is a cheater and a liar. He disrespected you. He is ashamed of you and you are already annoyed and frustrated with the situation.
You should go to a lawyer (any lawyer) to get a free consultation and directions.
Enough is enough and you owe it to yourself.
Belle is not a gold digger or a troll or a scammer. She just doesn’t have it in her to be those things.. she’s immature, naive and delayed, but most of all she’s a victim of this douche bag. She needs to get a complete physical done with a full STD panel. This guy is dirty.
I agree she should annul the marriage.... won’t be hard to do. Finding and paying for a lawyer on tbt other hand might pose a problem for her. However, she does have friends and church family that can help her if she’s willing to se help.
If he’s still with the ex, living and sleeping, why marry this girl?? How can a young minded, naive, immature wife be of any benefit to him unless he plans on living a double life. What a screwed up story.
I just hope Belle comes to her senses and gets the hell out. This guys does not love her. He does not want to create a family with her. He’s using her.
Belle..: get someone to help you find a lawyer, annul this sham and sue the hell out of him. Head to the courthouse today and get a copy of your marriage license and certificate and ask about annulment.
You poor kid.. glad you kept your job and your apartment.
Belle is not a gold digger or a troll or a scammer.
I never said that she is anything you posted above. I said that she should seek compensation for false promises and marriage without intent. This is NOT gold-digging. This is her right.
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I agree she should annul the marriage.... won’t be hard to do. Finding and paying for a lawyer on tbt other hand might pose a problem for her.
She should seek a FREE consultation and see if the cost of the divorce could be covered by the husband. He IS the reason for divorce.
Also most lawyers donate free time for pro bono work, maybe someone would take her case. If not, she could be referred to another lawyer that could take her case.
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If he’s still with the ex, living and sleeping, why marry this girl?? How can a young minded, naive, immature wife be of any benefit to him unless he plans on living a double life. What a screwed up story.
Married people pay less taxes. Maybe he is making good money and being single he is paying high taxes. There could be other reasons unknown to us.
Or maybe he is a deviant that married her to have open marriage or practice "weird" sex possibly involving other people and she was the most suitable girl for such marriage. Remember, he already has a history of requesting sexual acts she was not comfortable to perform. Who knows his reasons and plans.
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glad you kept your job and your apartment.
I agree, for now, until she knows more about all this mess, she should definitely keep her apartment and her job, and make sure she doesn't get pregnant.
Some girls think that they can make a man love them and stay with them when they get pregnant. I am skeptical of her case. I think, under present circumstances, if she gets pregnant her life will turn to hell and she will end being struggling single mother or married woman to a character who will lie, disrespect her and have affairs with other women. Once a cheater and a liar - always a cheater and liar.
Her life will not any better...
The bizarreness of this man's behavior goes way beyond cheating, lying and using a naive girl for sexual acts she was uncomfortable with but did anyway...it is SO incredible he has to have some nefarious agenda beyond the obvious (sex with someone additional to his GF). Has to.
He could've gotten Belle to resume their old arrangement I am sure, could've just dated and slept with her, yet he married her...there must be a reason and none of the ones that come to mind are to Belle's benefit. All point to her being victimized in one way or another.
I wonder what the GF is being told.
BELLE:
I strongly suggest you have a visit with a counselor ASAP, asap! If your community college has that resource, use it! Even a crisis center, women's shelter, anything. NOT for long term therapy (though I think you need that badly) BUT just to GET SOME ADVICE and insight into this nightmare situation, from someone other than INTERNET strangers. You need someone to guide you out of this. Someone IRL. If you had trusted adults to go to I wouldn't suggest this but you have no one from what you've stated (which is likely another reason he picked you). A church, even. Anyone who can hear the ENTIRE story and then try to help you.
Telling bits and pieces to internet strangers won't help you. SOMEone needs to hear it all and a counselor is a perfect choice for that, especially a crisis type counselor.
What do your girlfriends say to you about the situation? (if you've told them all details)
Last edited by VexedAndSolitary; 01-06-2020 at 05:34 AM..
I'm so sorry, Belle. You didn't deserve to be treated this way--please know that.
Reach out to your friends and church family for support and comfort at this time. If they judge you for being naive (and true friends wouldn't do so), to heck with them. It's not wrong to want to be loved, have stability, and to start a family of one's own. The fact that your husband would take advantage of those natural desires and is beyond wrong. The fact that he continually made you feel bad about yourself and your family background was disgusting as you could not help being born to your family of origin. You are continually trying to lift yourself up, which should have been both commended, admired,and supported by him.
Not all men are like this; most would find his behavior to be appalling. Kick him to the curb and do your best to continue to move forward to a better future for yourself.
I can’t go into a lot of detail which I know may be annoying or frustrating but basically old behavior that was a problem last time around is not over and it’s still going on and worse than I thought. I still don’t know all the details (I don’t think I have anyway) and a lot of it is just gross. Basically I’ll say he’s keeping his ex around and has been apparently. Now he did tell me this. If someone really wants to know I’ll tell you in private message but it’s a crazy story and I’d rather not have people make fun of me or bring it up constantly or accuse me of lying or being a troll. Basically it’s not a good situation. But I don’t want it all out there either.
We are still together but I don’t really know what’s going to happen.
Thank you to everyone for the advice. I’m sorry if I didn’t answer everything but I try to read what I can and answer when I can, I work and go to school.
Why? Just why?
You don't know what's going to happen? Why not???? Stop letting life just "happen" to you. Get your backside to the courthouse and file already. Waiting around isn't going to resolve anything. He's shown himself more than once now.
You know the saying "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...."
What do the three friends who witnessed your marriage have to say about these revelations? Have they been supportive at all or do they think you should stay with him?
Belle, you know this is what most of us suspected. And to be frank, it's probably even worst than what you know. He's not going to admit everything to you.
You state you don't know what's going to happen. That should be up to you. You can take control of your life starting right now by seeking a lawyer. No more chances for this guy - he doesn't have your best interests at heart and never did.
You'll be fine leaving him. You'll never be fine staying with him. Do yourself a favor and listen to the advice you're getting here. People care.
I have a feeling he is caught up in something illegal. Probably drugs.
If its something like that Belle, please run. He may seem to have money now but there is no chance at stability with someone like that. You are walking into the wolf's den.
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