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I overheard a lady in a starbucks say that they would never date a musician but I didn't hear why so now I'm curious to see if anyone else wouldn't date one, because I am one. What makes musicians unappealing to you? Also I've met several women in the past 5 months since I started playing and doing shows again that once they find out or I mention my side hustle seem to view it as a strike against me..... WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN????
I mean prior to leaving music on the back burner to raise my family, being a musician attracted women like bears to honey, these days even the women who still want to date me view it as atleast a yellow flag.
Don't get me wrong, if I wanted to get laid after a show I have my pick just like the old days, but that was not my thing even in my 20's, but in my 20's it was a point in my favor even in forming real relationships, these days not so much. And I understand that playing music won't bring um in once past 30, but why does it push them away?
I have dated musicians and the problem is usually "time". Most gigs are on the weekend, and you're away from your partner or your family while playing music. An every weekend gig on every single Saturday is a little neglectful to some women. Some are used to it, but I would will willing to bet it's the being out in bars thing, the time thing and maybe aren't very secure with themselves. There are emotionally healthy women that wouldn't have a problem with it.
Your work and something you enjoy so much is important to you, so make sure it's going to be ok with them too.
Yes, totally my point why mature women don't want to get seriously involved with "men" who think like this. Or at least find the concept mildly amusing.
Right- if you are a “mature” woman who wants to have a family, you likely don’t want to be with a guy who is going to be out touring or doing gigs. There’s something to say for having a stable home life with parents who have fairly regular jobs and can pitch in with all the things associated with that. I worked at one place where there were a lot of weekend/evening musicians (the department head was one of them and he liked having people who appreciated music), but they also had stable careers and benefits that were able to help the family.
Did anyone catch the OP's subtle, understated message that he's a highly successful "Rock Star" in his spare time? You might have missed it if you weren't reading closely or were expecting content about relationships.
OP, I am not sure how one person's overheard conversation can lead you to make such sweeping generalizations about women.
Nope not successful at all extra money yes, but you won't be seeing me at the grammy's in this lifetime lol, and if you read the post you would know that my opinion was based more off people I had dates with, though it was not a deal breaker it was not the extra points I got in the past, but now it's points subtracted
A couple more possible reasons, not directed at anyone in particular.
Many musicians have a chit ton of instruments littering the house. Not everyone wants to be stepping around guitars in a living room that identifies as a studio.
Many musicians have made music their universe. Not everyone wants to have music playing all the time.
Many musicians like to entertain themselves with an instrument even in the presence of company.
I have a drummer friend who I've labeled as The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Tapping.
Yes, but surely it's adolescent males who think that's cool, never potential female partners.
Reminds me of that line from Spinal Tap about why their fan base is almost entirely 14-year-old boys.
Actually I did not think it was cool, I thought it was horrifying he is very lucky all but one of those kids were adults, plus it's not like his number of unknown kids was in the double digits just the high single digits(atleast the ones he knows of from DNA sites) but still way more than I would want to be paying child support on. But considering he was on the road for 30+ years I'm surprised it was not more.
And again me personally have never done the groupie thing.
1. I'm a hopeless romantic.
2. Why would I want to sleep with someone who has banged every other musician who's played in that bar?
Sad thing is the last gig I played before I got my ex wife pregnant and got out of the scene was in September of 1991 I got back into the scene in December 2022 AND SOME OF THE SAME DIVEBAR GROUPIES ARE STILL AROUND!!!! a former bandmate who stayed at it all these years was pointing out the ones he thought I would remember.
A couple more possible reasons, not directed at anyone in particular.
Many musicians have a chit ton of instruments littering the house. Not everyone wants to be stepping around guitars in a living room that identifies as a studio.
Many musicians have made music their universe. Not everyone wants to have music playing all the time.
Many musicians like to entertain themselves with an instrument even in the presence of company.
I have a drummer friend who I've labeled as The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Tapping.
My Babies
My studio
These days you don't need a ton of Studio equipment and 6 pretuned guitars lying around I can change the sound of my guitar with a mouse click, these days a laptop, mixer+ "a few" instruments does what a whole room full of very expensive equipment and boxes of reel to reels did 30 years ago.
So a future GF or wife no longer has to worry about me burning the house down because of having 5 large appliances plugged into one outlet
These days you don't need a ton of Studio equipment and 6 pretuned guitars lying around I can change the sound of my guitar with a mouse click, these days a laptop, mixer+ "a few" instruments does what a whole room full of very expensive equipment and boxes of reel to reels did 30 years ago.
So a future GF or wife no longer has to worry about me burning the house down because of having 5 large appliances plugged into one outlet
You may not need that but a lot of musicians have that and this isn't about just you. Women you meet aren't going to know everything about you, just the impressions they have of musicians in general. Not saying you can't climb that hill but that's where you will be starting.
And how is a woman to know that? (or, know you're not lying when you say you're not into it.)
If the "musician" lifestyle has a high probability of coming with undesirable baggage, it's probably easier to just avoid the musicians and save trouble... not like there aren't a lot of nice non-musician guys out there.
Sure, plenty of us love artistic guys... but if we don't love what comes with that, then we're not going to ignore everything else just because a guy's got musical talent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChileSauceCritic
But they are impressed by investment banking?
They're impressed by a guy who's stable and financially-independent, yup. And what if a guy's really good at investment banking? Why is that "talent" less valuable than music?
And how is a woman to know that? (or, know you're not lying when you say you're not into it.)
Lol So guilty until proven innocent?
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
If the "musician" lifestyle has a high probability of coming with undesirable baggage, it's probably easier to just avoid the musicians and save trouble... not like there aren't a lot of nice non-musician guys out there.
I don't know, for me a woman with artistic talent or higher than average intellect(In things like science, genetic biology, history, engineering, programing etc etc) while not a requirement defiantly gives them extra points with me partially because of it's relative rarity(not meaning rare in women but meaning rare in humans in general). But 90% of jobs and careers would be boring to watch even if the people in those careers enjoy them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
Sure, plenty of us love artistic guys... but if we don't love what comes with that, then we're not going to ignore everything else just because a guy's got musical talent.
Sadly I kinda get that I was talking to a platonic friend today and brought up this subject, and she is from LA she said every 5th guy she met was a musician or actor and she also brought up the crappy day jobs they usually had(as they had to have the type of jobs they could call off of at a moments notice incase they got a gig or audition out of the blue, and those tend to be jobs that pay crap. And said she has 3 friends that got traded in once their starving artist boyfriends got "discovered" which is funny because neither of those guys made it big to the point of being a household name.
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
They're impressed by a guy who's stable and financially-independent, yup. And what if a guy's really good at investment banking? Why is that "talent" less valuable than music?
would you pay a cover to watch an investment banker work?
Which is funny over the road truck drivers are away a lot and have a similar stereotype, and many white collar jobs will have you spending most of your life on a plane, then there is the military....
and many women or men won't date or marry those types either, but there does not seem to be the same level of stigma.
That's funny, the women I know who used to date musicians ended up marrying military types. The opposite of creatives at least in their professions.
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