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basically, yes I have thought about these questions. Daycare will be provided-free, the program is for 9 months, with vacation times and I will only go if i will be approved for scholarships, financial aid to cover costs, i will also have a bit saved up as well. Also there is an opportunity to apply for a teaching position there as well. The location is France.
basically, yes I have thought about these questions. Daycare will be provided-free, the program is for 9 months, with vacation times and I will only go if i will be approved for scholarships, financial aid to cover costs, i will also have a bit saved up as well. Also there is an opportunity to apply for a teaching position there as well. The location is France.
I say go for it. Be aware that Paris is a very expensive place to live; most other places in France are not ruinously expensive. Good luck!
basically, yes I have thought about these questions. Daycare will be provided-free, the program is for 9 months, with vacation times and I will only go if i will be approved for scholarships, financial aid to cover costs, i will also have a bit saved up as well. Also there is an opportunity to apply for a teaching position there as well. The location is France.
Well now I see why the father doesn't want you to go since you actually might take the kid out of the country, and away from him, permanently. Well, do as you please since you will anyways. Good luck.
basically, yes I have thought about these questions. Daycare will be provided-free, the program is for 9 months, with vacation times and I will only go if i will be approved for scholarships, financial aid to cover costs, i will also have a bit saved up as well. Also there is an opportunity to apply for a teaching position there as well. The location is France.
Funny how you're tricklling these tidbits to us.
So let's recapitulate, now that you have come clean and given us all the facts.
"I am 25. I have a son with my boyfriend who remains an involved father in the life of our child. We have a household together. I can rely on him for support, and my son can rely on him for love.
I have an opportunity to study in France for a year, if I can get financial aid. Beyond that there is a possibility that I can stay there even longer with a teaching position.
My boyfriend, the father of my child, cannot leave the country due to immigration regulations. Therefore it means, aside from short trips home, I might be gone for years with my son. That also means that I will be effectively cutting off my son from his father, a man who has done his part in raising our son.
Somehow or another, he is upset that I will not only leave, but will take our son with me. I mean, hey, what's the big deal?"
When it is phrased in that manner, it's suddenly not all that palatable, is it? Now that you've snuck in the reference to a possible permanent position, this is not about some kind of temporary separation, but rather the permanent severing of ties between a son and his father.
In short, in pursuit of this opportunity, you will end your relationship and strip your child away from a father who apparently loves him. To me, that's nothing short of cruel and self-centered. Oh, there might be the token week once a year for them to see one another, but truly it will be end of his interaction with his own son. To justify matters, you've kind of said that, golly, he's not helping you out as much as you'd like. But that doesn't give you an automatic out to your responsibility to him.
And for the rest of you who are counseling her to go, are you bananas? Are you ethically challenged? I mean, this forum is littered with posts by women complaining about men uninvolved in the lives of their families, men acting selfishly, men doing this that and the other thing, blah blah blahbity blah. Yet, when faced with an actual situation of a man being a standup guy and participating in the life of his child, you all blithely counsel her to kick him and his feelings to the curb. So what if this is in France? She made a choice to have a child with this man, she chose to have him involved in her child's life. That means, she can't simply disregard him the moment it becomes inconvenient to her career aspirations. Surely there is an equivalent program in the United States that allows her to pursue her ambitions without shredding the family she has started. I cannot believe you are so collectively shallow as to agree with this.
I tell you what. If I were the father in this situation, I would get a family attorney so fast it would make her head swim. He has absolute, indisputable parental rights in this situation, and it's pretty much a slam-dunk that the courts would agree. And that would resolve this argument once and for all.
cpg - I agree, but I took your advice about not wasting my breath. When I read it might be permanent, I gave up! As you implied, it only gets worse.
Well, now, it's not even about the OP. It's about this group of people cheering her on with vapid "follow your dreams" claptrap, never considering for a moment that this will prove a wrenching blow to the poor father, who seems to be wanting to be a part of his son's life.
OP: Just so you know, foreign teachers in France are paid abysmally low salaries. As a former French major, I've known a lot of people who took up teaching jobs in France, and every one of them (even the most "positive" ones) remarked on how tight the money was and how much they had to pinch. It's hard enough for one person to survive on that kind of money, you simply won't have enough to support your son.
As to other issues, I just want to point out that the only reason someone may be "ineligible" to leave the United States due to immigration issues is that he is an illegal immigrant. Legal immigrants can always leave and come back. I've worked in immigration for several years, so I know what I'm talking about. With that in mind, I'm curious what the posters who said that the OP absolutely should not go under any circumstances would say about this hypothetical: If OP's boyfriend got caught by the immigration services and deported back to his native country, should the OP up and move to be with him? And if not, why not?
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