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I always said no way would I ever date a guy with kids. But the older I get the more open I am to the idea of dating a guy who has 1 kid, is open to more kids, and doesn't have any drama with the kid's mother. I want to have at least 1 child of my own (not saying I wouldn't love his kid too), even if I end up adopting. And I've seen friends go through drama dating men with kids and dealing with crazy ex girlfriends and wives. I don't think any man would be worth all that drama.
I love kids, especially young kids, so they are a plus from that angle. But I have never had a partner with kids, and am leery of not being the first priority in his life. I never even thought about the baby mamma drama aspect.
One thing that bugs me is how many parents have a rule that they do not introduce the gf to the kids until after 6 months. That's a long time to be locked out of a huge part of someone's life.
I love kids, especially young kids, so they are a plus from that angle. But I have never had a partner with kids, and am leery of not being the first priority in his life. I never even thought about the baby mamma drama aspect.
One thing that bugs me is how many parents have a rule that they do not introduce the gf to the kids until after 6 months. That's a long time to be locked out of a huge part of someone's life.
A 6 month wait is better than the alternative. If I had kids I wouldn't want people running in and out of their lives either.
I personally think more parents need to take that approach.
I don't have any kids and tend to date men without kids, however, it's not a rule set in stone for me. Tht being said I just went through a huge experience trying to date a man with 3 biological and 1 adopted kid from a previous marriage. Even though 3 were 16,18, and 20 it was extremely hard to schedule any time with him. I'm not talking "clingy" time. I mean I legitimately would get very few hrs and days with him and since he got the youngest every weekend, It was rare for me to see him on the weekend as well. Even when he wanted to see me he couldn't depend on his crazy ex wife to pick up her kid on time or even on the day she said she would. additionally, even though he made decent money, it alllll went to his kids, which is how it should be of course but it makes dating him difficult because I'm young single educated and make a good salary And he coul never just say "hey lets go away for the weekend" "hey lets take a road trip to a sporting event" ect, whenever I got frustrate with the situation he would call me selfish an accuser of not appreciating that he's a great father, he is a great father and takes care of a child that is not even his by choice, however, he just didn't have time for a single never wed 27 year old, so any man who calls a woman selfish because she doesn't want to go through a situation like this or worse is being selfish themselves and not putting themselves in their shoes...
Many people don't realize that people with kids no matter how much they make are probably spending most on the kids. Yes it should be that way, but if you have one person who makes good money very often that person would be spending more for the date than the person with kids. I dated a man with kids and by the time he spent on child support, alimony (his wife was a stay at home)and mortgage there was no money for us to go out. Either I spent the majority of the events or we went dirt cheap (budget movies and McDonald's). He ended up getting married and his new wife ended up paying for him as well because his lazy ex took him to court for more support and won. Many don't realize that they do take in consideration the new spouse's salary and that person could be forced to pay some of their salary to a family they had no role in starting. Another guy I dated with kids and he didn't have money but part of it was because he didn't make that much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
I always said no way would I ever date a guy with kids. But the older I get the more open I am to the idea of dating a guy who has 1 kid, is open to more kids, and doesn't have any drama with the kid's mother. I want to have at least 1 child of my own (not saying I wouldn't love his kid too), even if I end up adopting. And I've seen friends go through drama dating men with kids and dealing with crazy ex girlfriends and wives. I don't think any man would be worth all that drama.
I dated two men with kids, and both had extreme drama. One kept going to court because his lazy ex kept asking for more and more. He married a woman who made great money and the ex took them back to court and got even more money. The idea of supporting a guy's ex wife horrifies me. The other guy had severe drama like the other guy and was bitter because of it. Both guys were always dealing with the exes.
People underestimate both the financial and drama with dating parents if one is single but they really shouldn't. It is terrible in most cases and I have no interest.
A man with kids is actually a deal breaker for me. I prefer men without kids because I want to enter a relationship without being an addition to already created family.
I dislike youngsters, and my personality is such that I'm the last person to be parenting anyone-so I seek those guys who've zero offspring (or at least said offspring is of adult age). A man with a vasectomy gets a gold star in my book.
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