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Alot of single girls that i know, have told me that they hesitate to date guys w kids, because their kinda selfish and dont like sharing the guys w his kids. They get upset that on the weekends that the guys have their kids, they cant go out or do anything w them, do you single ladies, hesitate to date guys w kids?
Depends on how many kids the guy has and how old/mature they are
I did. Scares the heck out of me for quite a few reasons. Some are logical and real, some probably aren't. I don't have any children so I don't know for sure, most of it is fear of the unknown. I've met his son and he is a good likeable kid. My concerns may not be real but I do think about them.
So far, I've escaped most of it because the child lives in another state and usually spends his Christmas holiday with relatives here. My interaction with him so far has been taking him out to dinner a couple times. The SO loves having him here and misses him when he's gone. I encourage him to spend as much time as possible with him while he's here. The young man is a typical teen and everything is about him. Me, me, me. I don't think it's even hit his radar yet that his Dad and I are more than friends.
1) What happens when he wants to move in with us? Will it destroy our relationship? The SO will have to morph from lover into full-time Dad. In this economy, I think this is a likely problem I will have to face. Maybe not today but at some point.
2) Financial priorities. Kids are important, I know that. But so is our new little family. Can I count on him financially or will everything extra go to the child even though we have needs as well? I'm talking above and beyond child support here. I may agree to help support this child but I don't want to feel forced to do so.
3) I have no kids by choice. I don't know if I am capable of parenting a child. I know I don't know how to do it. I don't want to be distant and appear unfriendly, nor do I want it to look like I am trying to be his Mom. He already has a perfectly good Mom.
4) People with children can never truly be divorced. They still have ongoing relationships with their EX's because of the kids. And that's the way it has to be. But do *I* want to have a relationship with his EX and kids? Seems like a lot of drama to me.
5) On a completely selfish level, I want to be important to my SO. I don't know for sure but I think I would be resentful if the SO rushes off on his white horse whenever the EX is in need. Because she is the mother of his child. Can I cope with coming in 4th all the time? I still don't know the answer to this one either.
6) I am not sure but I think I may be very unpopular as a parent figure. There are times when I would like to throttle that kid...or at least ground him and take away his allowance. He needs very badly to be taught respect towards his Dad. Most likely, his Mom too. My SO sends money and calls his son every single day. Most of the time, his son can't be bothered to answer the phone or clean out his mailbox so his Dad can at least leave a message. Sometimes this goes on for weeks at a time and eventually the SO has to email his EX about the problem. The SO has had 3 birthday's and three Father's Days since we have been together....the child managed to call on Father's Day once but that's it. Never a card either, nothing. Maybe I grew up differently but that's not acceptable to me.
The hardest part is that it's none of my business and I keep my big mouth shut.
Seeeee, it would be much easier without the kid issue!
Oh yeah, that's another reason... The "it's none of my business" thing.... What am there for if I can't be a part of the child's life and have at least some kind of say so? Bump that. People talk about dating people is a "package deal" but want you to back off when it comes to the kids... Yeah, still not gone be able to do it.
Why would I? I have no interest in kids, any of them.
Wow, you're judging people because they want to live the life that they want?
It's not selfish at all to take care of yourself first.
For me, kids are definitely a deal breaker. I don't want my own; I certainly don't want anyone else's.
I agree with your statement. I never wanted kids. Frankly, they are a hindrance.
secondly, Its not a dealbreaker, but if in a good relationship, a man should be devoted to his new partner, kids are second in line, esp. as time goes on.....jmo
Speaking from experience as a male, I would never date or marry a woman who has (or wants) kids.
So now you're a single woman?
If you don't want kid, I hope you got sterilized, since you have used very negative words for women who choose to abort, etc.
So now you're a single woman?
If you don't want kid, I hope you got sterilized, since you have used very negative words for women who choose to abort, etc.
I'm a man. Why would I ever want to be a woman?
I actually support women who have abortions and never want kids, as long as she's not a feminist. You feminists are always putting words in people's mouths and tend to stir up confusion!
Dating guys with kids brings daddy mamma drama. I had a boyfriend who was divorced with a kid. He could not be in the same room with ex without WW III breaking out. Any time she called our house to speak to him he would hand me the phone and say, "It is for you." He would walk away and leave me to make arrangements for the child exchange pick and delivery of his kid for the upcoming weekend. I ended up in charge of all the arrangements to pickup and return his kid because he could NOT speak to his ex-wife. I liked her well enough, but it was not cool to put me in the middle.
Then he would go to work 7 days a week to watch over his cell lines since he is a scientist and didn't want to trust his experiments to his inept lab assistants. He needed to watch his cancer cells grow so he could publish his results. Publish or perish! I was left to care for his child. I fed her breakfast, lunch and dinner. I cooked the meals. I did laundry for all 3 of us. I grocery shopped for all 3 of us. I put her to bed and read her a bedtime story. I gave her an evening bath. I brushed her teeth. I did everything for her. So much so....shock, surprise she would not go down for bed if I was out of the house. If she got a boo-boo she ran to me and not her father. He got upset about this and picked fights with me because his own daughter loved the evil step mom (step girlfriend) more than him.
When we went to Europe to see his family they got all upset to see his daughter cling to me when she became afraid. His mom did not realize how much German I could speak or understand from being with her son and she talked cr*p about me all day long. When we returned home to America I thought about it and decided between his B mom, dealing with his ex-wife and being a surrogate mother to his daughter I did not want to marry him after all. I backed out and refused to marry him. It was too much for me. If that little girl got a cold or flu I was blamed by my boyfriend and his ex-wife. I got it from both ends. It is a cold or flu! It had nothing to do with me. That also made me decide to pull the eject cord. If everything is my fault I need to go.
I had another boyfriend who had a kid. She also became attached to me and my boyfriend did NOT like it. Men say they want their children to have a close relationship with their girlfriend and then they feel threatened and jealous when it happens. The man can feel jealous about the time the woman is giving his child and it takes away from their alone time. He can get very jealous, upset, frustrated and angry. I felt like it was not possible to be a good girlfriend/wife and step mom at the same time because someone was always upset with me. I was pushed and pulled in all directions to meet everyone's needs. No one cared about MY needs!
They weren't even MY kids!!!!! Why should I be in charge and get my energy drained after a very long, trying, tiring day at work? They aren't my kids! But men expect the female to pick up the house, make dinner, do laundry, put the kids to bed and do everything their ex-wife did. It is crazy! I am not the kid's mom! It is not my responsibility! When is someone going to cook me dinner? When is someone going to grocery shop for me and do my laundry? When do I get a break? When do I get to put my feet up, watch TV uninterrupted by non-stop shouting from the kid, "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!" and get someone in the kitchen cooking for me? That would be nice, but it does not happen.
Fathers are selfish. They only think of themselves and next their children. The girlfriend or second wife is an afterthought. I understand your children coming first as they have your DNA and it is natural to love your child, but it is not natural to expect a second woman to care for a child that is not her own.
There is a dating site I saw advertised for parents. It is singleparentmeet.com or something like that. You would do better to attend support group meetings for single parents, go to their parties and join a website for single parents. I have an ex-boyfriend whose father used to attend and host parties for single parents. I forget what it is called. Parents without partners??? I think that was it. They called it PWP if I remember right?
I actually support women who have abortions and never want kids, as long as she's not a feminist. You feminists are always putting words in people's mouths and tend to stir up confusion!
The topic is a question for women, not men.
Then you've changed your tune, that's not what you've stated in the past.
So you only like subservient women who don't work outside of the home...
And you're sterilization if you don't want kids or for one of those women to deceive you into paternity?
Alot of single girls that i know, have told me that they hesitate to date guys w kids, because their kinda selfish and dont like sharing the guys w his kids. They get upset that on the weekends that the guys have their kids, they cant go out or do anything w them, do you single ladies, hesitate to date guys w kids?
I'm not jealous of children. If a guy has kids, I won't write him off just because of that. I do hate that he might be paying child support, but I could care less if he spends the whole weekend with his kids twice a month. I don't have any kids of my own, but I spend lots of time with my nephews anyway, so it wouldn't be something foreign to me if he wants me to spend the weekend with him and his kids. As long as there's enough money left after the child support payments, I'm content.
I also could care less about having to talk to the ex. As long as she's not trying to get him back. I'll deal with her.
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