Why don't men pursue women anymore? (marrying, lover, kids, wedding)
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The warriors learned NOT to waste time with women who won't return the courtesy.
Warriors don't want wimp-women, they want warrior-women who know how to be women without acting like men AND how to be women without acting like helpless waifs.
Too much in this thread is about why men do this or that or what they are thinking or should be thinking. Or what they need to do or whatever.
Really I think it's the woman's issue if they are looking to attract someone to pursue them.
If they are not getting any interest they should look at a few things:
1. How approachable are you and what is the body language you are giving off? Do you look friendly, nice, open, happy and show interest in men? Or do you act like a grizzly bear, bristle with anger, attitude or fear?
2. How do you present yourself? Stretchy pants, ratty hair, overdone makeup, noxious perfumes, massive muffin tops, you get the picture. All are turn offs. A woman done up like a clown is a sign to me she is hiding something. Hillary Clinton pantsuits, hair buzz cuts, 4 inch heels, etc are signs of ball stomping feminism. Another turn off.
3. How do you look for your age? Too many wrinkles from sun beds, too many late nights, too many hydrogenated fats in your food, no exercise, too flabby, again you get the picture. If you don't look good, get busy getting your diet and exercise routine in place.
4. Are you gracious or are a witch when rejecting men? You can get away with being a ***** on spring break, but in a smaller community everyone knows who the nasty ******* are. Word gets around.
5. Do you give as much as you are given? SO MANY American women I find are completely lazy. They have expectations that a man is supposed to pursue, call, arrange dates, pay, etc. Sure I think it is great to call and set up dates, but also there has to be some interest shown back. Some kind of give and take or some enthusiasm. Women that lack passion, desire or enthusiasm get the boot completely.
One of the lessons I learned as a young male is that there is no such thing as "The One". Every woman I ever met that I thought was "The One", I always ended up finding someone better. The reality is that there is a billion single women out there in the world, hence plenty of supply. Woman try to convince men that isn't true as it suits their own self interest, but most men probably get by the time there are 30 that there are always plenty of single women out there.
For me as a male, I completely agree and that is why I said what I said about being mindful of hint dropping by women, but not acting unless I have a certain amount of interest. Adding to that I also do not act on it if I think they are only interested in a short fling. Though in the case "enthusiasm, desire, passion, spirit, whatever" is there on both sides I do not see it as work.
Yes when that mutual toe to toe is going then you have a proper and good relationship going and something that adds to your life. I avoid things that don't add to my life.
It's no different if you have a so called friend and they never call or keep up with you or only use you for their own purposes. I get rid of those "friends" rather quickly.
I admit that when I was younger I was very poor at reading all the signals. I just took people for their word. I invested in myself to learn plus with my experiences became quite perceptive. It wasn't just relationship experience either as the last 10 years my jobs have put me dealing with thousands of people a year, some from all over the world, so I learned about people. I was someone at 22 with a lot of book smarts but not street smarts.
One problem I am seeing just being observant out in public, is how many grumpy, dumpy, dull women there are out there. I'm not anyone's dining, travel and entertainment director so I don't bother at all with women like that.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by llratke
Why don't men pursue women anymore? Seems it only happens in the movies.
In my own experience, men will give me their phone numbers....and ask me to call them....and I'm 45 years old! This seems messed up.
Any comments gentlemen? Preferably men over 40 to answer please.
(not that the young guys can't answer this.....they don't seem to be the ones afraid....it's the older ones)
The nice thing about men is that ZERO interpretation is required. The simplest explanation is going to be the correct explanation in well over 99% of the cases.
For example, when posed with the question above, if someone were to say "It's probably because that exact tactic has successfully resulted in sexual intercourse more than once" they would be exactly right. If a particular formula gets a man laid once, he'll try it again. If it gets him laid twice, it is his new science. He's a slave to reward stimulus and is not trying to offend you. Quite to the contrary, I think this is excellent indication that he finds you sexually attractive. Try to think of it as a compliment.
By the way, if a man wants a relationship with you that is more than sexual in scope and breadth, he'll pursue you like the dickens. Find that guy or feel free to continue trying to herd a bunch of cats that only want sex into the relationship corral. (Hint: herding cats is difficult)
Don't blame the men, blame the other women who made them that way.
5. Do you give as much as you are given? SO MANY American women I find are completely lazy. They have expectations that a man is supposed to pursue, call, arrange dates, pay, etc. Sure I think it is great to call and set up dates, but also there has to be some interest shown back. Some kind of give and take or some enthusiasm. Women that lack passion, desire or enthusiasm get the boot completely.
This part gave me a chuckle though I think both men and women are equal opportunity offenders. Sometimes when I get bored I will read internet dating profiles just for fun, I do not join these site because quite frankly I have much higher priorities for my money then to spend $15/mo on an active account. While browsing often see the most entertaining things.
For example here is one I found particularly interesting...(Paraphrasing) Looking for someone 5 years younger then me who makes $50,000 or more a year, and will be like a parent to my children. Must be the same religion as me, and must not drink at all. Then they proceed to put in some moderate to not very attractive profile pictures and nowhere in their profile do they explain what they will bring to the table in a potential relationship save for there wonderful selves.
To sum it up I think a lot of people out there, both men and women, expect relationships to be one-side in their favor when in fact relationships need to be mutual. I honestly do not understand this mindset of I want I want I want, but I do not want to give that is sometimes out there in people seeking relationships.
Although I agree on some of your points, I disagree with your last sentence. No man wants a woman who will chase him and pursue him, especially if he is not that into her. It will make her look more desperate and can you think of a bigger turn-off?
Call me old-fashioned, but I think there is no bigger turn-off then when a woman starts actively chasing after a man, no matter what age she is.
Yes, very old fashioned, say pre 1965. I don't find it a turn off. You and Mango-Tango really don't have a clue about what men go through and what motivates them.
What I found to be a turn off was the rejection I got. I'm with the men on here. Its nice to actually know a woman is receptive. Not that many approaches end up in stalking charges but many end up with nasty put downs and gossip. By the time a man is in his 40s, his attitude is "who needs this?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama
The key is to simply take the best care of yourself and your health, be independent and enjoy single life so then even at 45, you are a complete knock-out (and I know so many women after 40 that I look at and say: "damn, I want to look just as good when I'm her age).
Yes, if only all men were in the top ten percent of the desirability sweepstakes, then there would be no problem. LOL
These were the same guys who got 90% of the action in their 20s too - married or not - so its obvious why so many women are looking again in their 40s.
This part gave me a chuckle though I think both men and women are equal opportunity offenders. Sometimes when I get bored I will read internet dating profiles just for fun, I do not join these site because quite frankly I have much higher priorities for my money then to spend $15/mo on an active account. While browsing often see the most entertaining things.
For example here is one I found particularly interesting...(Paraphrasing) Looking for someone 5 years younger then me who makes $50,000 or more a year, and will be like a parent to my children. Must be the same religion as me, and must not drink at all. Then they proceed to put in some moderate to not very attractive profile pictures and nowhere in their profile do they explain what they will bring to the table in a potential relationship save for there wonderful selves.
To sum it up I think a lot of people out there, both men and women, expect relationships to be one-side in their favor when in fact relationships need to be mutual. I honestly do not understand this mindset of I want I want I want, but I do not want to give that is sometimes out there in people seeking relationships.
Well I see this a lot too and what I think it's all about is they have failings in their own self and are looking to another person to top up the tank.
I think a person that is whole within themselves is looking for someone to add to their life. On the other hand if they are looking for someone to complete their life, then they will probably always be looking. It's this endless void of neediness that will try to be filled with everything from cupcakes to gambling to driving their partner and children mad. They are always looking for others to make them happy or whole.
And I have to admit in my 20's I was looking for someone to complete me. After some epiphanies I had on some overseas trips away from everything, along with life experience I realized I was barking up the wrong tree. I am the creator of my own happiness and world around me and I shouldn't force that responsibility on others. Now I have a fulfilled life, every day is a great day with a lot of variety(never ever bored or lack something to do) and I am self realized in my relationships with friends and family and with the work I do.
That's why any romantic relationship I have has to be someone with that level of maturity and also someone that will add more positives to my life. Friends or girlfriends that try to drain me, bleed me and drag me down get booted. Simple as that.
Getting back to the pursuing issue, there are so, so, so, many women out bleeting on about what they need from men, what they demand from men, what they expect from men, they need a man to complete them, etc. snooze, snooze, but I almost never hear them talk about what they can give back to the other person, what great, deep and virtuous qualities they have, etc.
As a man why would I want to invest time in someone that is a drag and tries to drain the life out of you?
You should get to know a person before you "woo" them Male or Female
I agree completely. If I have to woo somebody before I even get any indication whether they have an interest, I'll never get anywhere. Perhaps the most desirable 10% of men can pull this off, but for most men, this just gets ugly, very quickly.
I have never reacted negatively to women who expressed obvious interest in me but I am wary of those who may be playing subtle games. Many around here wear wedding rings, even if single, to keep the masses of potential suitors who they aren't interested in, at bay, so it can be difficult to know what is going on. (We have a high single male to female ratio)
When I get a clear indication, I have acted positively on it. Unfortunately, when women do this, rather than waiting for men to do all the work, it has, in my experience, meant they were quite desperate for a good reason. Eventually, after giving them a reasonable opportunity to prove themselves, I have determined they weren't for me.
This is quite the opposite of how women treat men - wash them out early, usually on a hunch - unless, of course, if they are very good looking. Then its the making of another silly thread on CD!
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Seems it only happens in the movies.
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