Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-29-2010, 03:17 PM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
600 posts, read 1,604,902 times
Reputation: 413

Advertisements

I would NOT recommend dating a recently divorced person. When MY ex husband left me, all I was looking for was validation and someone to "want" me, plus a "psychologist" to vent to. Definitely didn't take the first 2 guys I dated after the divorce seriously.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-29-2010, 03:31 PM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,090,251 times
Reputation: 27235
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetheart1311 View Post
I would NOT recommend dating a recently divorced person. When MY ex husband left me, all I was looking for was validation and someone to "want" me, plus a "psychologist" to vent to. Definitely didn't take the first 2 guys I dated after the divorce seriously.
It's been my experience, both as one who's been there and as an observer, that usually the first person dated is exactly what Sweetheart described above which is why I label that person a 'transitional other' a way to get from the marriage to the next phase in his/her life without having to go it alone. You will be served a helping of leftovers and unappreciated for it every step of the way. Then he/she will move on because there's so much baggage relative to his marriage between the two of you. I wouldn't date anyone divorced until after a year of their divorce. If you must proceed, do so with caution.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-29-2010, 03:40 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,892 posts, read 14,084,473 times
Reputation: 2329
I've research this a bit on the 'net...well put. I don't want to be the transitional person & I'm not going to say call me in a year because I don't think anything's written in stone. This was his second divorce, I should add so I"m not sure if his xwife was the transition from the first divorce.

I"m sure I really don't know what really happened for the xwife to ask for a divorce. I don't really know how much of it is my place to ask other than what he told me was the reason...I'm not even sure why he got divorced to x#1.

Ugh...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-29-2010, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
600 posts, read 1,604,902 times
Reputation: 413
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
I wouldn't date anyone divorced until after a year of their divorce.
I agree.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-29-2010, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,523,152 times
Reputation: 11780
I'm gonna start dating the same day my divorce is finalized.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-29-2010, 03:47 PM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,090,251 times
Reputation: 27235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladywithafan View Post
I've research this a bit on the 'net...well put. I don't want to be the transitional person & I'm not going to say call me in a year because I don't think anything's written in stone. This was his second divorce, I should add so I"m not sure if his xwife was the transition from the first divorce.

I"m sure I really don't know what really happened for the xwife to ask for a divorce. I don't really know how much of it is my place to ask other than what he told me was the reason...I'm not even sure why he got divorced to x#1.

Ugh...
Been there done that and the same applies doubly. And he used me to keep his ego intact basically and feel wanted and when he moved back closer to here and we were actually dating - he was a complete ass. I even talked with one of his x-wives once. There's a reason he's been divorced twice - and it ain't all her. I can tell you straight up even my own father has done it three times and he was the fault of them - it was blatantly obvious to us in the family, but his 'women' didn't really know the deal or in one case, turned a blind eye to it to see what she wanted to see... now she's married to him and found out it's not such a pretty picture.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-29-2010, 03:48 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,630,804 times
Reputation: 10379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
It's been my experience, both as one who's been there and as an observer, that usually the first person dated is exactly what Sweetheart described above which is why I label that person a 'transitional other' a way to get from the marriage to the next phase in his/her life without having to go it alone. You will be served a helping of leftovers and unappreciated for it every step of the way. Then he/she will move on because there's so much baggage relative to his marriage between the two of you. I wouldn't date anyone divorced until after a year of their divorce. If you must proceed, do so with caution.
Exactly. I'm grateful i came to my senses quickly (two months, long distance), and I could still be dating the guy if I wanted to set my own needs aside. I figured it was the only decision I could make.

It still sucks though!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-29-2010, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,163 posts, read 20,704,153 times
Reputation: 19855
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
I'm gonna start dating the same day my divorce is finalized.
That's the spirit!

I don't agree with any pre-determined time lines on dating someone after they've divorced. To assume that someone else isn't ready yet is presumptuous and self defeating, unless they've demonstrated that they clearly aren't ready, why kill it before it has a chance to get off the ground? A lot of couples who divorced were ready for it long before the papers were signed and are ready to start dating before the ink dries. The actual divorce was just a formality.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-29-2010, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,892 posts, read 14,084,473 times
Reputation: 2329
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
Been there done that and the same applies doubly. And he used me to keep his ego intact basically and feel wanted and when he moved back closer to here and we were actually dating - he was a complete ass. I even talked with one of his x-wives once. There's a reason he's been divorced twice - and it ain't all her. I can tell you straight up even my own father has done it three times and he was the fault of them - it was blatantly obvious to us in the family, but his 'women' didn't really know the deal or in one case, turned a blind eye to it to see what she wanted to see... now she's married to him and found out it's not such a pretty picture.
Well, here's the other thing, she wants to talk to me. He told me she wants to warn me about him. As far as I'm concerned he's been honest with me about the whole situation of everything "said." I'm not sure what's "not been said". Apparently, she couldn't have children & felt he should have children...he was fine not having children from what he's said to me. But I find it a bit strange as there's always adoption. My sons are 12 & 13.5 and I'm 48 so I'm not planning on creating any more children myself. I just can't imagine divorcing someone you love due to this childless issue....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-29-2010, 03:54 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,523,152 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
That's the spirit!

I don't agree with any pre-determined time lines on dating someone after they've divorced. To assume that someone else isn't ready yet is presumptuous and self defeating, unless they've demonstrated that they clearly aren't ready, why kill it before it has a chance to get off the ground? A lot of couples who divorced were ready for it long before the papers were signed and are ready to start dating before the ink dries. The actual divorce was just a formality.

Exactly. My wife said as much just two days ago. As far as I am concerned, I became single in my mind right then and there. I feel bad for our kids, but as for me, I can't wait to get rid of her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top