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Old 06-02-2010, 02:08 PM
12 posts, read 46,685 times
Reputation: 10


Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch View Post
I can't tell you anything to take the pain AWAY, but I can assure you as dreadful as it feels right now it WILL get better eventually.

By the second paragraph I was thinking there's another guy. By the third I knew it for certain, long before you got to the part where she admitted it.

I'm going to give you some advice and you're probably going to think I'm being a bit cruel and/or jaded, and you'll also think it's not in your nature to do some of the things I'm going to suggest to you.

First: Get your money back as soon as you can. This breakup will be how it begins. If you simply drift away then she'll never bring it up, it will simply fade into the background and in her mind you'll have "grown apart". If you push to rekindle the relationship then animosity will develop and you'll be an irritant, a nuisance.

Either of these will serve just FINE for conveniently forgetting that you are owed money. I know this seems like a trite, mean point to be bringing up but it's a simple fact of life -- you are about to get s c r e w e d over if you don't take steps to recoup your financial expenditures and they WILL become losses.

Second: Aside from doing whatever is necessary to regain your money, avoid her. Avoid even friendly overtures WHILE attempting to remain civil. That won't be an easy thing to do because I KNOW you're hurting right now. You want things the way they were when life was good and you're confused as to how this abrupt 180-degree turn in emotional investment occurred on her part.

Start training yourself to avoid her. I'd LOVE to be wrong about this, love for things to heal themselves so you ended up with a romance worthy of Hollywood -- but that is the stuff of legend for a reason, and that reason ISN'T because it happens every day.

Third: Play hardball NOW rather than trying to be nice and amicable only to discover later that you should have been playing hard but it's too late. I know that's not what you want to hear, but better distasteful now than regretful later. I say this because money is involved and, according to you, quite a bit.

I haven't the time just now to list out the clues in what you've told me, but I'm about 95 percent certain she's moved on and the only one who wants "what was" back is YOU. The sooner you accept this, the better.

Good luck.
thank you for the valid points. i knew there was someone else in the picture with out even hearing it from her mouth. it still hurts and makes me sick knowing this guy may have been in the picture a long time ago. i have no way of knowing the real answers.

as far as the money she owes me, we both did sign a consumer loan agreement that i typed up. it was not notorized. as stated above, i have given her 36 months to pay me back the $2500 starting in the summer of 2011. this will be when she is finished with school. she barely makes an income as it is. so how should i get my money back? ask her to get her dad to loan the money in a few installments? 500 here 500 there. i think for me to fully move on 100% i need to cut my ties and get my money back asap.
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Old 06-02-2010, 02:15 PM
12 posts, read 46,685 times
Reputation: 10
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Thank you for fleshing out that part of the story. What you wrote helped answer some questions I had, such as, "Why would a woman just walk away from such a great guy?" Well, as much as you "don't want to blame yourself," I hope you can admit that you have some issues to work on. You should work on them before you get serious with anyone else.
well to be honest, yes she walked away from a great guy. one of a kind to be exact. sure, we all have issues about our selves that we need to work on. no one is perfect! but it takes a real man or woman to admit them, to admit when someone is wrong takes a lot of courage and tells you a lot about someone. did i learn anything from this relationship? yes, i have learned a lot. i have learned so much that i think that was the reason she came running back to me in april. I saw all the mistakes i made, I saw everything i knew i did wrong from day one. i knew it but sadly it took something tragic to happen for me to really see it. so perhaps she thought that this was enough to give us another chance. perhaps this new guy was already in the picture long before any of this and she was hoping to feel the same way again that she once did before. i dont know for sure and probably will never know the true answers. i also don't plan on getting in a relationship for a while. my wounds and heart need to heal and it will take me time to ever trust another woman again.
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Old 06-02-2010, 02:21 PM
Location: Las Vegas
14,230 posts, read 28,688,144 times
Reputation: 27644
Set her up on a payment plan to get your money back. Don't let her off the hook. If she doesn't want you, she doesn't need your money either. If she has to quit school or sell the car to pay you back, well, that's life. Not your problem.

Then move on. You lived, loved, and learned from this relationship and the next one will be even better. There's nothing for either of you to gain keening over the dead body.
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Old 06-02-2010, 02:22 PM
1,561 posts, read 2,129,333 times
Reputation: 2131
Write the money off!

Trying to collect just keeps the wounds open and even though $2500 sounds like a lot for someone starting out it will become meaningless over the span of years. That is it will if you do not hold out hopes of collecting it or become bitter about it. Chalk it up to the 4.5 years of togetherness. That only comes out to $46.29 per month. About the cost of a Starbucks coffee these days.
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Old 06-02-2010, 02:44 PM
Location: Way up high
20,924 posts, read 26,699,948 times
Reputation: 28431
Teaner, I am a woman and I can tell you right now that into 4.5 years of a relationship, if I start having doubts and go back and forth and then after we finally end it, I show up with some guy and say hes just a friend-he's been there all along..Sorry to have to say that..Hope you feel better soon..
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Old 06-02-2010, 04:20 PM
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 6,935,116 times
Reputation: 3070
Originally Posted by himain View Post
Teaner, I am a woman and I can tell you right now that into 4.5 years of a relationship, if I start having doubts and go back and forth and then after we finally end it, I show up with some guy and say hes just a friend-he's been there all along..Sorry to have to say that..Hope you feel better soon..
Himain's correct.

It's over. Move on.
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Old 06-02-2010, 05:45 PM
Location: NYC
7,366 posts, read 14,197,565 times
Reputation: 10363
I have to agree with the "write the money off" advice. You, got assessed with a relationship tax, most of us have been hit with it, men and women alike. If you don't write it off, you will probably channel your end-of-relationship emotions into this loan and make matters even worse for yourself. If you feel you must, ask her for it once and that's it. Consider it a lucky bonus if you get the money back.
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:20 PM
4,099 posts, read 6,875,587 times
Reputation: 5678
This is a fact of life sometimes. I know it hurts, I've been there, and all you can think about is her. Get active in doing other things to occupy your time and don't think and dwell on this recent heartbreak. Like J Julia said, time is a great healer. One thing is in your favor, she didn't waste another 4 years and then up and leave for no reason. If she did come back you could never trust her, so do what ever it takes to get over her. In your next relationship watch for a few red flags that indicate something might be wrong. Communication with your SO can do wonders.
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Old 06-02-2010, 10:01 PM
1,237 posts, read 3,331,008 times
Reputation: 1094
Just out of curiousity, could she have been having these feelings for much longer than a year but didn't want the money to stop coming her way?

Breakups are always hard to get over, but things happen for a reason. I just feel bad for you that you seem to have invested a lot financially as well as emotionally.
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Old 06-02-2010, 10:58 PM
3,852 posts, read 12,459,331 times
Reputation: 2528
congratz bro, now you can get some fresh meat!
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