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These are the things I learned from NOT having a happy family. But they have served me well in all my other relationships!
1) Some relationships will be nothing but toxic. Learn to recognize this fact and move on.
2) Don't compete with family members. Support them, be their biggest cheerleader, and be happy for their successes. And commiserate their losses.
3) If you can help, help. Even if it is inconvenient.
4) Don't try to change them. Don't be ashamed of them. You were born into this family. You can pick your friends as you please.
5) Participate. Even when you don't really want to. Try to stay in touch. Keep the lines of communication open. Do your part.
6) Don't judge them or place blame. You are responsible for your own life.
7) When all else fails, go back to #1!
So now I am off to send my once a year Merry Christmas e-mail to my sister. Maybe she will answer and maybe not. But at least she will know I thought about her and took the time to say Merry Christmas!
First thing: marry the right spouse. Marry the wrong one, and you will have an uphill battle for the rest of your life, if you have kids with him or her.
Second thing: respect the individuality of each person in the family. Each one gets a hearing, even if the answer is negative. Its OK for kids to say what they think, as long they do not do so in an offensive manner. Mom and Dad need to say what they think to each other too. But they also need to understand when it is best to keep quiet.
Third thing: never tell any other family member he or she is bad, a moron, an idiot, a trial, that you wished he or she had never been born, etc.
Fourth thing: when you punish a child, tell him or her why he or she is being punished. And then, forget about it. Its a new start for both of you.
Fifth thing: don't take things personally and don't hold grudges.
Sixth thing: everyone does a job or jobs in the household. We all need to learn how to do things, so we don't feel incompetent.
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