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I read the other thread about estranged relationships. Very sad and disturbing and can so easily happen to any of us and for any reason. I am glad so many of you who have gone through such incredible difficulty have managed to find some solace and happiness. You are the survivors. Those of you still struggling, I hope you get to a good place and wish you strength and courage. Thank you for sharing your stories. It is indeed good to know one is not alone when going through such heartache, and also that one can survive it.
I was wondering if it would be equally helpful to share what worked, how do happy families manage to keep it together. I think it is luck for the most part. But are there things one can consciously do to make sure we all hang together? It is good for everyone, for all generations, when the family is solid. How do we make it happen?
I tell my son (the younger) and daughter (elder) that they need to be there for each other, no matter what. If there are misunderstandings, hurt feelings, talk it out. Mend it. We are a small family and we need each other. I don't know if it will work.
I think it takes a little luck AND work. We were pretty much The Walton Family -- -- until my daughter's mental illness struck. It's so easy for one tragedy to blow a family apart. But then other families stick together during and after a tragedy. I don't know how that happens, but it does happen, and I'm glad it happens.
I am SO looking forward to reading happy families.
I think it's genetics. I grew up not know some uncles and then they'd waltz into my life while other uncles would disappear. I see it with my brothers, my mother liked to stir things up, carry gossip and get us to dislike each other. We were never a Norman Rockwell depiction as far back as I can remember. I know of other families who fight openly then hug and laugh. I truly think this is the secret, to get it out and get over it, but again, it has to be ingrained in all parties to move on. Genetics.
In my experience, a willingness to communicate and listen (especially during disagreements or hardships), a great sense of humor, and the ability to trust each person can help a family remain intact and relatively happy.
Also, never underestimate the power of an apology. A sincere "I'm sorry about that--I'll try my best to do better next time" goes a long way with me.
In my experience, a willingness to communicate and listen (especially during disagreements or hardships), a great sense of humor, and the ability to trust each person can help a family remain intact and relatively happy.
Also, never underestimate the power of an apology. A sincere "I'm sorry about that--I'll try my best to do better next time" goes a long way with me.
Some good famous psychologist (can't remember who, and I'm sure he's dead by now) said that a good sense of humor is not just a good joke or laugh but, mostly and most importantly, the ability to see and put things that happen in our lives in their proper perspective. I've always liked that. I think he was right.
In my experience, a willingness to communicate and listen (especially during disagreements or hardships), a great sense of humor, and the ability to trust each person can help a family remain intact and relatively happy.
Also, never underestimate the power of an apology. A sincere "I'm sorry about that--I'll try my best to do better next time" goes a long way with me.
I so agree with you.
None of us are perfect. We need to always remember and accept that. Love and forgive each other. And move on.
Thank you for this thread. I am eager to learn what people from happy families might share.
My belief is that it has to do with the nature of people in families . . . whether they are easy-going or hyper-sensitive. You have to be able to work things out and move on.
I know many people who are unwilling to work through problems so the problems then fester into resentments and people become hardened and close their hearts.
I suspect that a lot has to do with how your children see their parents treat their elders and others. When i was younger I remember my parents caring for their parents and other older people. Although, they weren't care-givers they ran errands, helped out their neighbors, did favors, etc. without expecting anything in return.
My parents said that we should follow the golden rule (do until others as you would want others to do until you).
That is how I was raised so that is how I cared for my parents, in-laws and elderly friends and neighbors.
Now,that is how our children treat us.
Family stories (confirmed by old letters, etc) tell that when my great-great grandfather returned from the Civil War he used his training as an army medic to set bones and help with illnesses among the neighboring farmers. According to letters and other documents he was very well respected and well loved by his family, friends and community.
BTW according to family records HIS father accepted and cared for his step-mother when she was dying, just like she was his own flesh and blood (this was back about 1840).
So perhaps happy families are created by example or perhaps there is genetics involved as well.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-11-2013 at 10:56 AM..
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Retirees, how do happy families manage to be happy?
If you have one of these, ^^^ please share it with others.
There is some 'magic' about being invited to participate in Happy Family gatherings.
Many of us will never know or understand the dynamics that cause the WEDGE / contention / violence / bitterness and hatred from our parents or siblings. It has to go beyond genetics and 'examples', or there will be some continued violence and fear.
In my experience, a willingness to communicate and listen (especially during disagreements or hardships), a great sense of humor, and the ability to trust each person can help a family remain intact and relatively happy.
Also, never underestimate the power of an apology. A sincere "I'm sorry about that--I'll try my best to do better next time" goes a long way with me.
I agree with you 100%. I taught my children the value of an apology, but they did not take to it . . . people in my family do not like to talk about things, and apologies are rare . . . and I modeled apologies so it's a real mystery.
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-- until my daughter's mental illness struck. It's so easy for one tragedy to blow a family apart. But then other families stick together during and after a tragedy. I don't know how that happens, but it does happen, and I'm glad it happens. 
