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Get a bicycle and ride that up and down the road. Even better, both of you ride bicycles on the road. You'll cover a lot more territory that way and meet more neighbors. And who wouldn't trust someone on a bicycle?
Sorry to say, some people hate cyclists just because.
Yeah - not offended... it's just level-jumping the relationship. We haven't seen the kitchen or the hands that made it yet. (we don't know yet that you don't even let people wear shoes in the house!) And I'd be thinking I'd have to bake you something in return next week... and.... it's just easier if we just chat.
If I let you pick a bunch of my apples later this summer, then sure, then it would be nice to come back with a pie, or apple butter, or something else you made from them.
If a new arrival brought a pie (or whatever) over that I didn’t feel comfortable taking, I would just tell them, as nicely as possible, that we are not eating sweets. I would assume their intention is friendly even though I too would probably wonder a little.
Who cares whether the newcomer allows shoes inside or not? They didn’t invite you inside, nor are they asking to be invited inside yours. If they did the latter, I would definitely think they were pushy.
This assignation of every possible ulterior motive for an innocuous gesture...fine to think it, but hopefully you can manage to be at least civil to the person. Any ulterior motives tend to reveal themselves fairly quickly anyway.
If a new arrival brought a pie (or whatever) over that I didn’t feel comfortable taking, I would just tell them, as nicely as possible, that we are not eating sweets. I would assume their intention is friendly even though I too would probably wonder a little.
I would NOT reject it. I would take it, thank them very much, and tell them it was delicious! Even if it's not true. It just adds pressures is all.
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Who cares whether the newcomer allows shoes inside or not? They didn’t invite you inside, nor are they asking to be invited inside yours. If they did the latter, I would definitely think they were pushy.
Pika... this was a joke, meant to speak to how clean your house and kitchen probably is, compared to some others. Sorry it didn't come off that way.
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This assignation of every possible ulterior motive for an innocuous gesture...fine to think it, but hopefully you can manage to be at least civil to the person. Any ulterior motives tend to reveal themselves fairly quickly anyway.
I'm surprised you think I'm not civil... The question was how to make connections with people who might be a little shy and reserved, relatively speaking... not RUDE. But the point might serve as a good warning anyway... There may be that one guy on the road who really doesn't want anyone coming over at all, ever. We have one, most streets do. Being reserved will keep you on the safe side with that person too, hopefully!
Last edited by Diana Holbrook; 03-19-2019 at 10:25 AM..
This assignation of every possible ulterior motive for an innocuous gesture...fine to think it, but hopefully you can manage to be at least civil to the person. Any ulterior motives tend to reveal themselves fairly quickly anyway.
Except no one's assigning ulterior motives here. What we're saying is that there are better ways to introduce yourself to new neighbors than passing out pies.
You can tell who is a real country person, and who is city oriented person, by their posts on this thread.
My single daughter was an IT manager for largest local employer. When we moved to town with a large moving van, she called the closest service to unload us, located 50 miles away. Her immediate report asked what was going on. She told him, and he told her to call and cancel. He told her he would bring a crew after work to do it, as that is the way it is done in Montana small towns. At 4pm, 7 managers and supervisors from her job showed up and unloaded us moving every thing into where we wanted it. I had bought a case of the best beer I could find, and they enjoyed a bottle, and the 2 younger single men took the rest home.
We live outside the city, and often before I can get our handyman over to use our tractor with a snow blade to plow us out after a snow storm, one of our neighbors (3 different neighbors) does our drive and 500 foot private lane as a favor. We also help them.
We have lived here 11 years.
That is the way real country people treat one another. I grew up on a large ranch outside a small town, and neighbors would get together to haul and put hay up, and other neighborly things.
Many of the posters on this thread, will never fit into country life, and will never really be accepted. They are two suspicious of everyone and everything. As I grew up country, moving to the city for the big money, and moving back to the country, knowing how to act and live we were immediately accepted as if we were born here. We are both in good health, but near 90 and our neighbors kind of watch over us, as we are the only elderly in our neighborhood.
You sure got that right oldtrader.
Moving into a new neighborhood/ community/rural road and being immediately suspicious of your neighbors and their intentions is perfectly normal in a city where that mindset and attitude are endemic. I've never been so isolated as I was living with thousands of people around me in a city. No community, no trust, everyone suspicious of everyone else, phony smiles and bon homme only if they want something from you.
Folks that have always lived like that can't understand there are still genuinely good people out there. People that care about those around them and whose friendship doesn't come with a price tag.
I'd always planned on moving to such a community for retirement because I'd been raised in a rural environment and wanted that again. The area I'd planned on moving to was a dream for several years, I looked for land, took trips there and spent vacation time there.
Then while hunting last year in a different area I stumbled on a little pace that perfectly met my needs, and was in my price range.
I went to lunch at the local cafe after inspecting the property, turned into a 3 hour visit with the locals. They were open, friendly and welcoming. We just sat there and chatted having coffee. Some left to go back to work, others came in and took their place.
It was like talking to old friends I'd never met.
I walked out into the parking lot and called my broker to make an offer.
I'm in the process of moving in now. I took a load down a and spent the night. We went back to that cafe for breakfast and by the time we left, we'd met several of the locals, been invited to a potluck, had offers of help with moving, met 2 of the largest ranchers in the area and was offered the opportunity to hunt on 15000 acres of private land.
I've lived at my current place for 26 years. I can't tell you the name of the guy that lives just 2 doors down. I've only seen his wife twice, both times as she was driving by.
I served on the local fire department here for 12 years, worked with city planning, went to commission meetings and testified on several issues. I worked with volunteer's sandbagging for floods, searched for lost kids, but as far as friends? I have a lot, but only 1 within city limits.
When I moved in my next door neighbors and I would have bbqs, talk over the fence, I helped them several times when their car wouldn't start or digging out their sidewalks after a storm. They were older folks, and now have died or been moved into nursing homes. The new crop are just as described earlier in this thread. They're " very private" so they want nothing to do with you unless you have something. The one neighbor's son came by to meet us about 2 months after he inherited their house. Yeah he was friendly, because he wanted to buy my house. It seems he wants a bigger yard because his place only has one city lot, mine has 2. Bigger lawn, more prestige.
I really don't care. Washing my hands of this place, but he's going to have to increase his landscaping budget. I'll just be happy to see this town in my rear view mirror.
I'm going back to a community. A place where people care about each other. A simple place where folks take care of each other, work with each other, and actually know their neighbors names.
I would NOT reject it. I would take it, thank them very much, and tell them it was delicious! It just adds pressures is all.
Pika... this was a joke, meant to speak to how clean your house and kitchen probably is, compared to some others. Sorry it didn't come off that way.
I'm surprised you think I'm not civil... The question was how to make connections with people who might be a little shy and reserved, relatively speaking... not RUDE. But the point might serve as a good warning anyway... There may be that one guy on the road who really doesn't want anyone coming over at all, ever. We have one, most streets do. Being reserved will keep you on the safe side with that person too, hopefully!
Diana, good example of why things so easily are taken the wrong way without face-to-face contact.
Apology accepted.
I did not mean to imply you would be uncivil. Some of the other posters’ comments made me wonder, though. Sometimes hard to tell what is just speaking straight from the mind or what they would actually do. Frankly, this is one reason why I am one of those people who tends not to make the initial step of meeting anyone. I like to sort of wait and see. Neither a pie-bearer nor an avoider.
I'd always planned on moving to such a community for retirement because I'd been raised in a rural environment and wanted that again. The area I'd planned on moving to was a dream for several years, I looked for land, took trips there and spent vacation time there.
Then while hunting last year in a different area I stumbled on a little pace that perfectly met my needs, and was in my price range.
I went to lunch at the local cafe after inspecting the property, turned into a 3 hour visit with the locals. They were open, friendly and welcoming. We just sat there and chatted having coffee. Some left to go back to work, others came in and took their place.
It was like talking to old friends I'd never met.
I walked out into the parking lot and called my broker to make an offer.
...
I'm going back to a community. A place where people care about each other. A simple place where folks take care of each other, work with each other, and actually know their neighbors names.
This is what we all love about small towns and rural living. Somewhere along the line what I think of as polite respect for privacy became mistaken for rudeness, suspicion or worse. No rudeness was ever recommended!
Your post is a great example of the difference between coming into a community and just being friendly in a public place, and showing up, unannounced at people's rural homes, with or without a pie in your hand. Those same people might not have been AS welcoming to you, had you come to their house unannounced as a stranger and not to the cafe.
Your post shows the right way to do it! Be friendly and not imposing or pushy, and let the community invite you closer. All of the positive examples of neighborliness on this thread are things the residents did, not what the newcomer did. That's the subtle distinction a few of us are trying to make... Evidently not real well.
Last edited by Diana Holbrook; 03-19-2019 at 11:06 AM..
This is what we all love about small towns and rural living. Somewhere along the line what I think of as polite respect for privacy became mistaken for rudeness, suspicion or worse. No rudeness was ever recommended!
Your post is a great example of the difference between coming into a community and just being friendly in a public place, and showing up, unannounced at people's rural homes, with or without a pie in your hand. Those same people might not have been AS welcoming to you and your door to door pies, had you come to their house unannounced as a stranger and not to the cafe.
Your post shows the right way to do it! Be friendly and not imposing or pushy, and let the community invite you closer. All of the positive examples of neighborliness on this thread are things the residents did, not what the newcomer did. That's the subtle distinction a few of us are trying to make... Evidently not real well.
The new person/s moving in also have to be open to accepting the communities overtures. I was speaking to the waitress and asking questions about the area when a lady at the next table broke in with her own comments. At this point I had a choice, include her in the conversation, or politely thank her and go back to eating.
This thread reminds me of watching a pack of dogs when a new dog comes around. There's curiosity, a lot of sniffing and tail wagging, then either play and the pack goes off with the new dog, or a fight starts and the fur flies.
The new dog stands there wagging it's tail standing stock still while being sniffed, then starts sniffing itself, or it runs off with it's tail between it's legs. If the new dog is growling, standing stiff legged with their hair raised, there's only one outcome, and it isn't positive.
I'd like to think humans are a little higher on the scale than dogs, but the truth remains. It's incumbent on the newcomer to be open to and encourage the pack to come over and check out the new guy.
Anyone that changed schools, took a new job, or moved to a new place knows there is always a time when the newcomer has to meet the pack. How well they fit in is entirely up to how the newcomer reacts to the pack.
Honestly, at my new place if someone comes up to the house, most likely they'll get invited in for coffee and a piece of pie, newcomer or resident.
It's just the way I roll, I really understand distrust after living in town so long, but it's not the kind of life I want so it's up to me to be open to my new community so they have the chance to welcome me in.
It's up to me how I present myself to the neighbors. I could be very private, keep to myself, only wave when a car goes by but not invite conversation, and that would probably make me the talk of the place since nature abhors a vacuum, so what people don't now they make up. If I'm open to them, friendly, and give them the information I want them to have, then I'm not the object of curiosity and speciation, so they move on to something else and I can comfortably be as private as I want without people watching me because they know me.
Respect usually equals respect, but it has to come from both sides and you have to account for human nature. Humans are curious, so whatever makes them curious will be studied until there are answers, correct or not.
I prefer folks know the real me.
Last edited by MTSilvertip; 03-19-2019 at 11:44 AM..
Just stop by and exchange phone numbers. I may talk to a neighbor once a year, if that, but if I'm inviting friends for a plinking party I always call and let neighbors know so they don't worry about their livestock. There are things you always tell neighbors about, like doing a slash burn, so they don't get concerned about the 40' column of flame. You also need to call if their livestock is out on the road.
Other than that, leave them alone. You don't want to be friends with your neighbors.
The new person/s moving in also have to be open to accepting the communities overtures. I was speaking to the waitress and asking questions about the area when a lady at the next table broke in with her own comments. At this point I had a choice, include her in the conversation, or politely thank her and go back to eating.
Right... and you made the choice a normal person makes in a cafe. Among people who are already out in public in a fairly social situation!
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Honestly, at my new place if someone comes up to the house, most likely they'll get invited in for coffee and a piece of pie, newcomer or resident.
It's just the way I roll, I really understand distrust after living in town so long, but it's not the kind of life I want so it's up to Mme to be open to my new community so they have the chance to welcome me in.
This would exactly be my fear if someone shows up with a pie. They want/hope to be invited in for coffee and a slice of it! That's the "normal" thing to do, under the circumstances! What else can we do? Either stand there holding a pie in the doorway, or cut the conversation short and close the door.... or invite you to follow me in to the kitchen so I can set it down.
But that's not how I roll... I may not be dressed for company, my house might not be 'company' clean... I may have work I need to be doing. It puts people on the spot.
You seem to want to dismiss all reservations as distrust or hostility, and they aren't, necessarily. Distrust is only one possible reason for not wanting to invite people in for pie.
The good news is, I rarely need to worry about this. We have a gate at the driveway, so unannounced people end up out there, not at the door. I can easily small-talk and be friendly out there, leaning on the gate, enjoying the scenery, without having to even feel close to inviting anyone in unless I want to.... - and guess what?! Sometimes I do!
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And I'd be thinking I'd have to bake you something in return next week... and.... it's just easier if we just chat. 
