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This is an issue where I have always had mixed feelings. As others have said, it depends on so many variables. I think there's a big difference between a 14 or 15 year old teen mom and an 18 or 19 year old, for example.
I got pregnant at 19. Turned 20 about a month later. Dropped out of college as a result, when my pregnancy became a difficult one. My mother and Grandmother made it clear that they were not throwing me a baby shower. My friends shook their heads and "tsk tsk"ed about my lost potential. I remember being very upset about the shower thing; threw one for myself. My mother tried for the entire pregnancy to talk me into adoption.
I had a traumatic emergency c-section and both my son and I almost died. I lived in poverty for many years, including a stint "in the projects" (didn't last long thank goodness).. my choice to have and keep my baby did not "ruin" my life but it certainly set it on a very different course.
That "baby" is now 21. I am 41 and still working on my first college degree. If I had to do it all over again, though, I would make the same exact choices. I made being a good mom my absolute top priority and I think I've done very very well, if I do say so myself.
That's my story, in brief. Was it ideal? Heck no... but it all turned out okay.
Now, on the flip side, I remember how when I was a teen (growing up in the 80's), it was a big deal to get pregnant. You were really facing a "ruined life" in many ways. I knew plenty of girls who were kicked out of the house entirely, left to their own devices. I don't think that's the right way to handle it, but when I see widespread high school programs where daycare is provided, and Grandparents doing 90% of the actual child-rearing for their teen parent children (who often have more than one before age 18, IMO as a result of not being forced to take responsibility), and an attitude of how it's "no big deal", I do feel like the pendulum might have swung in the wrong direction.
I support sex education and birth control - if you have that going on, you don't need to worry about adoption or unwanted teenage pregnancy.
Huh? I do support sex education and birth control. My question was simple - are there people who believe that teen pregnancy should be supported and promoted as an option. And if so, please defend your position.
Adoption exists and will continue to exist because some people have difficulty becoming pregnant and want to have children.
Birth control and sex education were the last two things that would have helped me to build my family!
However I totally support them for sexually active individuals who want to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.
I don't know if there is anyone that "who believes that teen pregnancy should be supported and promoted as an option". I doubt you are going to find anyone that says, yeah I hope my teenage daughter gets pregnant at 15 while in high school. Nobody hopes for this, but it happens and you deal with what you have. I am certainly pro sex education and birth control, but that doesn't always work.
I would hope that none of my children became pregnant as a teen or had a girlfriend that was pregnant as a teen. I think it is a bad start into adulthood to go into it as a teen parent. Despite that I would support (and I don't mean financially) my child if that happened. It isn't going to do anyone any good for me to turn my back on my own child because of this, and I wouldn't anyway. No, I would not sign papers for them to get married in their teens. Just because there is a pregnancy doesn't mean that they have to marry.
That is how I would feel too. I certainly wouldn't wish for a hypothetical child of mine to get pregnant and would do my best to make sure that my child went into teenagehood with good knowledge and good esteem and would hope they can talk to me about anything.
However, if despite everything, they got pregnant, I would be supportive but make it clear that they are the mother and that their child is, in the end, their responsibility and I would hope that the father's family took responsibility as well.
I would want them to continue their education and would try and find a program where they can learn to become responsible parents.
If I were in Detroit, this school sounds like it is teaching their students responsibility and providing a good education. It is now a Charter school.
CFA received awards and was the subject of documentaries and media coverage due
to its academic success. During 2010, its last full year of operation as a
public school, it boasted a 97 percent attendance rate and a 90 percent high
school graduation rate, with the vast majority of students going on to either a
two or a four year college.
On what basis? Is this something that you would welcome in your own family? Is it an option that you would want for your daughter?
Would you also sign the papers for your teenaged daughter to marry? If not, yet you would be OK with a pregnancy, why not? What is the difference?
I think that they are equally inappropriate. No difference.
There seem to be some fierce defenders of teenage parenting here. Almost all social scientists would classify it as a "social problem" and attempt to study it, in order to eradicate it, as one would with any epidemic.
Several people on this forum, seem to see it differently in spite of the fact that the outcomes are almost always dismal.
Please share your thoughts.
Also, if you agree with all mainstream sociologists and think that teen pregnancy is detrimental and problematic, please indicate that.
If my teenage daughter came home pregnant I would strongly encourage her to have an abortion. If that was not something she was willing to do I would support her and do whatever I could to ensure that she could still finish her education and have a good life. If adoption was her choice I would support that too but I would not force it. op
I certainly would not be happy if my teen daughter came home pregnant. In fact I would be very, very upset. But I would make the best of it. I know girls who had children early and have done very well for themselves because they had the proper support so it is possible.
I'm with many other posters in this thread. Although an unplanned teen pregnancy isn't desired, it isn't always the end of the world. CraigCreek and Green Irish Eyes summed up my feelings pretty well. If a teen has a strong family support structure, even better.
I do admit though that I've have a problem with a number of young women I've come across...late teens or very early 20s who casually have a child with boyfriend of the moment and do it almost casually. They aren't mature enough to parent and may not have a good support structure in place. My coworker is going through this with her daughter right now. Daughter wants to shop, party and the child is passed around to any adult available. This young woman is quite bright and had the chance to attend college on full scholarship but instead focused on boyfriends and a party lifestyle. Her bad life choices pretty much confines her to working entry level jobs. My friend finally picked up child rearing duties and it has been really hard. Now her daughter is pregnant again with another woops. New boyfriend. Too bad that they didn't consider adoption because this poor kid is pretty messed up with all the drama in her little life.
However the attitude that "sometimes things happen", and the relative ease with which many parents today permit themselves to be sucked into the drama of teenage pregnancy is what proliferates it, and makes it an acceptable option, if not an optimal one.
My children know that it is not an option. I will not be raising their child - born in or out of wedlock. In our home, we attend college after high school.
If they need birth control, or the morning after pill, I'll be happy to supply these.
My stance in unyielding because it is unacceptable and irrevocably changes the course of the life of a young adult. This is not getting a dent in the family mini van or pulling a "C+" in chemistry.
It's a life altering event! And it is one that does not need to happen.
I don't think anyone believes teenage pregnancy is ideal or should be promoted. However, like most people are saying here, I agree that hardships can be overcome. When that is possible & desired, keeping the child in the family is a far better option than adoption.
That is not the same as promoting teenage motherhood. I would never want my teen to get pregnant or get someone else pregnant. I am very pro-active when it comes to sex-education, & would make sure they had access to birth control at all times, knew how to use it properly, & knew all potential consequences if they didn't.
If birth control failed, they refused to have an abortion, & wanted to parent, I would take responsibility of my child by teaching them how to take responsibility for themselves. That would include teaching them how to be a good parent. They would be expected to continue their education & I would teach them how to find whatever resources are available to help them do so.
There would be many obstacles, but I don't believe that justifies trying to force them to give their child away. I would never use adoption as a form of punishment, as I believe that to be abusive. I also would not want:
1. To be separated from my grandchild.
2. Have my grandchild unnecessarily separated from their family.
3. Risk that adoption may not give them a better life than I know my family could provide.
Whether other people want to adopt due to fertility issues is besides the point I think -- pregnant teenagers should not be expected to supply anyone's demand for infants.
Last edited by thethreefoldme; 05-19-2013 at 09:42 AM..
I find "defense of birth parents" and promoting teen parenting to be a false equation. Most births out of wedlock are not to teens. All birth parents regardless of age should have access to the same counseling and realistic review of options.
A teen becoming a parent follows on a list of failures in prevention, for whatever reason. Ignorance, fear, inaccessibility, moral values which forbid preventative options. So the question is what to do then? The truth is for some, the thought of giving up a child or grandchild is just not an option except in the most dire of circumstances. This is solely a matter of personal family values which cannot be dictated by someone who does not share them. For some whether or not their teen fathered or mothered a child shouldn't/doesn't make a difference in individual goals or the weight of statistics.
For me personally who has benefited from loving, supportive, practical, insightful, can-do family members; adoption would not be something I would advocate, much less insist on my child. This is not because I don't believe in adoption or that I advocate teen parenting. It is quite personal and is born of my experience of what a loving and determined family can accomplish in the face of 'life altering' events. If I were the parent of a teen parent right now, they would have at least 10 extended family members who would provide support in various forms from guidance, information, mentoring, financial & time. Does that mean we advocate teen parenting? No - it means for our family it would be a valid choice if our focus on prevention failed.
I don't base my opinions of teen pregnancy/parenthood from "reality" shows on tv. The only reason those shows are on there is because the public are often voyeurs who love to watch, and make fun of, the drama in others' lives - often to confirm their sense that they are better than the people on there. Those lives aren't typical. If they were, they wouldn't be on tv. They are our modern equivalent of carney freak shows.
I would never support government "terminating the parenting" on the sole basis of age. Do those who do, also support the government terminating parenting for 40 year olds because statistics show having 1 or both parents over 40 increases risks of Down's Syndrome and autism?
And finally, adoption is also a life altering event. Advocating that it should be forced on someone by the government irrespective of their circumstances and solely because of an arbitrary age is beyond the power I would cede to any government.
Great Post NJ...you really said it all. My family sounds very much like your family in that family is family - regardless of whether it is a cousin or brother - you help. I think that is the best possible family.
I hope we never go back to the society my era that prevented a good many families who would have banded together and provided a solid backdrop for mothers to keep their child but didn't because of the severe social outcasting of the entire family. I think it was a cruel society of rigid patriarchal hierarchy.
Of all the single mothers in the US - 18.4% are teenage mothers which account for 8.4% of all births according to the April 2013 report to Congress. The report is worth reading in full and the funding of abstinence only programs that was supported by the government seems to also have started just a few years prior to the two year spike that happened in 2006 and 2007 - the report doesn't state that but math is math. It does state later in the report that abstinence only programs do have positive outcomes in specific grades so I am glad they have really focused on when and what type of programs work best.
As to your original question Sheena - I have never seen anyone promote teenage pregnancy with the exception of the adoption agencies that take part in those horrid "16 and Pregnant" or "I'm having their baby" or "Teen Moms" - regardless if it is about "adoption" - by creating those shows they are creating teenage celebrities like Catelyn and Tyler who have their own fan base - that sends the wrong message. I have also seen the advertisements to teens to get on those shows - how old are you - how pregnant are you. That promotes teen pregnancy.
I do see families stepping up to the plate to support family and that's a good thing in my book.
Last edited by Artful Dodger; 05-19-2013 at 12:46 PM..
Reason: add % of all births
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