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My belief stems from the facts. The outcome of teenage pregnancy is always in some way detrimental.
We regulate closely many activities that teenagers engage in or want to engage in - from driving a car to signing a contract to marrying.
Yet, when a momentous event takes place, an event with at least the potential to disrupt two lives and negatively impact and perhaps destroy two lives, the young woman is suddenly treated as an adult - because she acted irresponsibly. And in most cases, her parents opted out of parenting.
In ALL FIFTY STATES a minor needs parental consent in order to marry. Once a girl becomes pregnant, in several states, the need for consent would be waved.
School attendance is required until 12th grade. If a minor becomes pregnant, it is often optional. Why? Is that consistent?
I am all for the intervention of government when child neglect or abuse occurs. When a 16 year old child becomes pregnant, someone is not doing their job.
Where are the parents? Who impregnated her? And if a baby is born, are these the people who should be entrusted with that baby? Or should a birth plan be made?
I am ALL FOR UNIVERSAL HEATH CARE! I vote consistently for candidates who support that.
The fact is, that we do not have it right now, and adequate parents need to deal with what we do have. They need to be realistic. Abstinence can and should be practiced by younger adolescence, and children can and are natural gate keepers - up to a point
. If parents are going away for weekends in Vegas and leaving a 14 year old alone, or permitting a 16 year old to spend several nights in a row at a friend's house while barely knowing the family, things can happen.
Older teens - seventeen and above, should be offered contraceptives. Abstinence is not enough. If they deny that they are sexually active, assume that they are. They may not want to talk about it.
Provide them with it. Don't preach or discuss - DO!
In many homes keeping the baby is never an option. Education is a core value, not procreation. Children incorporate these values at an early age. Those raised this environment are not in awe of teens with "baby bumps" and don't watch "Teenage Mom" or what ever that show is called.
They are involved with sports, the arts, volunteer work and preparation for college. They want to travel, go to college and spend a year abroad.
Having an infant is the furthest thing from their minds.
As it should be.
Getting pregnant while a child should be regulated and controlled. Not celebrated.
On this thread, we were asked whether we would support our children (real or hypothetical) if they got pregnant as teenagers (which also includes 18-19 olds).
Thus, I suspect that many of us are basing our views on the premise that our children will/would be well brought up, taught responsibility and they would have received a good sex education from us. We would also no doubt give them enough self esteem so that they make good choices re boyfriends, ones who are also responsible with contraception (double contraception would probably reduce the risk to almost zero). We hope they would feel able to talk to us as well.
I personally would make it clear to them that if they become pregnant, all options will be difficult.
And in most cases, her parents opted out of parenting.
One would of course hope that one's good parenting worked and one's child did abstain in younger teenagehood. Thus, I will make make my hypothetical teenager to be 17 years of age. If she did do all the right things contraceptive wise and a pregnancy still happened (eg contraception failed), I personally would be supportive my daughter but make sure that she is the one responsible for the day to day care of her child. If she were still at school, I would enrol her in a program that prepared her to motherhood.
Also, some don't agree with pregnant mother schools but if it were one like the Catherine Ferguson Academy which I mentioned before, where one can't graduate until they are accepted into college, then a school like that would be of benefit to her. As a bonus, she would make friends with girls in the same position and thus be less envious of her old friends. It seems to me that a lot of girls who do want to continue partying with their friends do so because they feel alienated and left out.
As this link points out, it is often the support that makes a difference, not necessarily the age:
Several studies have examined the socioeconomic, medical, and psychological impact of pregnancy and parenthood in
teens. Life outcomes for teenage mothers and their children vary; other factors,
such as poverty or social support, may be more important than the age of
the mother at the birth. Many solutions to counteract the more negative findings
have been proposed. Teenage parents who can rely on family and community
support, social services and child-care support are more likely to continue
their education and get higher paying jobs as they progress with their education
If I had a son, I would also teach him to be responsible. I would recommend the same things as with a daughter and I would recommend he use contraception even if the girl said she had taken care of it.
As a hypothetical, if one's college age son got a girl pregnant, despite using contraception, and the girl decided to raise her child, would people on here make sure that he took responsibility? I would hope so.
In summary, if a child of a teenage, or for that matter single, mother has a responsible mother who is able to finish her education while parenting with supportive (but not enabling) parents and relatives, then that to me is a better solution than adoption. (I am not including abortion only because the OP mainly seems to be asking about choices between the end result of a teen pregnancy, i.e. parenting vs adoption); also I am putting "myself" in the place of "my" teen and I don't think I could have had one (a personal choice)). Adoption is meant for those children who need a home and if the child has a parent who fits the above parameters (i.e. responsible mother,supportive family), then they don't need a new home.
Last edited by susankate; 05-19-2013 at 05:13 PM..
I don't think anyone believes teenage pregnancy is ideal or should be promoted. However, like most people are saying here, I agree that hardships can be overcome. When that is possible & desired, keeping the child in the family is a far better option than adoption.
Doesn't that depend on the family?
I have to ask, why is it better, for example, to be raised by a poor grandparent with few resources than by an adoptive family with better resources. Bio parents is one thing but why is extended family superior?
To me, supporting teenage pregnancy and motherhood includes stepping in as the grandparent or extended family member, for the sole purpose of keeping the child within the bio-family, and acting as that child's parent. You are not the child's parent, and by removing the responsibility of parenting from the birthmother/father, you also help increase the chances that a repeat unplanned pregnancy will occur. Most teens who become pregnant and keep the child have a second child within two years. Sometimes, while still being a "teenager."
When my aunt became pregnant as a teen, my GM allowed her to make the decision on what she wanted to do. However, she never had any support in the way of "I'll help you get to the place you need to be to parent, or, I'll raise my grandchild." This was not an option. If she had decided to parent her child, it would have been on her own. Some people find this cold and harsh, I find it to be the best way to allow teenagers to experience the consequences of their actions. To this day, my aunt has never regretted her decision to plan for an adoption for her child. She ended up finishing school, getting a great state job, marrying, and having two additional children. Her adopted child has his family, and she has hers.
IMO, we are at times too hopeful for our own good, even when the data is staring us in the face! In the most developed countries that mirror the U.S., teen pregnancy and motherhood is nearly non-existent. One glaring reason for this is because culturally and socially, it is unacceptable in those countries. When we get to the point where we can say with a straight face and no rationalizations, that "it is irresponsible and embarrassing" for teenagers to even think they CAN parent, let alone become pregnant, I believe we will see a true drop in our numbers nationwide.
When I hear or read about teenagers and very young girls talk about getting pregnant (when they are unwed, unemployed, and even still a dependent) instead of education, having fun with their girlfriends, traveling, or even planning a career, I actually want to cry. The reality of their fantasy world is too much for me to bear.
I have to ask, why is it better, for example, to be raised by a poor grandparent with few resources than by an adoptive family with better resources. Bio parents is one thing but why is extended family superior?
You make an excellent and it really does depend on the family. If the extended family has the resources and willingness to raise the child, then fine. If the child is seen as a burden or would place a tremendous hardship on the extended family, then perhaps adoption would be the best. Especially if there was resentment about the whole situation.
I have to ask, why is it better, for example, to be raised by a poor grandparent with few resources than by an adoptive family with better resources. Bio parents is one thing but why is extended family superior?
I never said bio/extended family are automatically superior to an adoptive family. That absolutely depends on the families.
That is why I said when it is possible for hardships to be overcome & keeping the child in the family is what is desired. Assuming we are not talking about neglectful or abusive families, yes, I do believe that is better.
Bio families can be worse than adoptive families, adoptive families can be worse than bio-families. Many people who were adopted have found their bio-families were much better off than their adoptive family. Why are people assuming the grandparents have less resources than the adoptive family?
I do not assume an adoptive family is automatically better just because they have more money. I don't believe children should be taken from families or given away if the only reason is that the family is not middle-class +. This includes all the adoptive families who have fallen on very hard times -- should their children be removed in those circumstances? No. Also, many adoptees have found their bio-families were better off than their adoptive families. Should excellent PAPs be denied the opportunity to adopt if they have less resources than the bio-family? No.
Last edited by thethreefoldme; 05-20-2013 at 07:01 AM..
I never said bio or extended family is automatically superior to an adoptive family. That absolutely depends on the families.
What I said was when it is possible for hardships to be overcome & keeping the child in the family is what is desired. Assuming we are not talking about neglectful or abusive families, yes, I do believe that is better.
Bio families can be worse than adoptive families, adoptive families can be worse than bio-families. Many people who were adopted have found their bio-families were much better off than their adoptive family. Why are you assuming the grandparents have less resources than the adoptive family?
Grandparents may be able to help or they may not. They may not be in the best of health, they may be retired living on fixed income, or they may want their freedom and not the burden of raising a baby again. If it is a teen pregnancy and the grandparents are relatively young, it may not be an issue at all. All depends on the situation.
To me, supporting teenage pregnancy and motherhood includes stepping in as the grandparent or extended family member, for the sole purpose of keeping the child within the bio-family, and acting as that child's parent. You are not the child's parent, and by removing the responsibility of parenting from the birthmother/father, you also help increase the chances that a repeat unplanned pregnancy will occur. Most teens who become pregnant and keep the child have a second child within two years. Sometimes, while still being a "teenager.
Many who give their children up for adoption end up getting pregnant again, too.
Also there is a huge difference in parents who enable their teens to escape consequences, & parents who teach their teen how to take responsibility for themselves & their child.
Last edited by thethreefoldme; 05-20-2013 at 06:49 AM..
Grandparents may be able to help or they may not. They may not be in the best of health, they may be retired living on fixed income, or they may want their freedom and not the burden of raising a baby again. If it is a teen pregnancy and the grandparents are relatively young, it may not be an issue at all. All depends on the situation.
Which again, is why I specified when hardships can be overcome & they want to keep the child in the family. When that is the case, why should a child be removed from a fit family who wants to stay intact?
Last edited by thethreefoldme; 05-20-2013 at 07:06 AM..
Which again, is why I specified when hardships can be overcome & they want to keep the child in the family. When that is the case, why should a child be removed from a fit family who wants to stay intact?
Am I arguing with you on this? I think that we are in agreement, yes?
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