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^^^^agree. I'm not even sure if it's regional (maybe it is) but I wonder if the OP is originally from the
US. If not, it could be a cultural issue. Either way, it does sound like a superiority complex.
lol, superiority, would be if I demanded he call me Sir. Mr and Prof is a formality complex at most.
Regardless of how you feel, we live in a more informal society now. You can prefer to be called Mr. so and so, and likely get it. You will also have to put forth much effort and suffer angst to do that.
I personally would not waste the energy, and realize that people are not trying to be disrespectful. If you compare this informal current time to a recent formal time in our history like the fifties, you will see that you get more respect except for a formal address. People treat others in a more politically correct way and more equally. They just call each other by a first name.
I taught at a Community College and I called all of my students by their first name except maybe three or four. Of those, only two were referred to as Miss or Mister. The remaining one or two were referred to by their last name, at their request, because I tried, but repeatedly failed, to pronounce their first name correctly.
The other two were among my oldest students. Miss Jane was over seventy years old and thankfully, I was told by my other students before the first day of class that she preferred to be addressed as Miss Jane. The other was a black man, close to my age, who I initially addressed as "John" because he was new to the classroom and I didn't want him to feel singled out. However, I immediately noticed that John had a funny look on his face (or at least I thought so) and I addressed him as Mr. [ ] thereafter. A few days later, I remembered that black men my age had grown up in an era when whites commonly addressed them by their first name while addressing white male adults by the more formal Mister.
Looking back, I believe it would have been easier to address everyone as Mr. or Ms. and if I ever return to teaching a few classes, I will adopt that practice.
That said, I would not have been offended at all if you had asked me to address you as Mr. [last name], as long as you made this request before or after class. I would not have required an explanation, either.
Personally, I would have preferred to be addressed by my first name, rather than Professor [ ] but it was important that I immediately established who was in charge of the classroom. And that is always the Professor.
Datafeed. We all of have our hot buttons. Yours happens to be the need to be called "Mr." by people who you are not friends with. Our former two neighbors were in the military. One was a Lieutenant Colonel and the other was a Major. Both mandated they be called "Mr." with the kids in the neighborhood. Their own kids had to call every adult "Sir or Ma'ma or Mr. So-and-So." If I said "you call call me Joe", their father would pipe in and say "no, they are to address you as "Mister" and they did.
But both fathers still don't feel comfortable hearing my 22 year old address them by their 1st name after hundreds of conversations. Go figure.
That said, you viewpoints are factually old school. Realize that if thousands of other Americans shake your hand in a formal introduction, they WILL think it is odd you say your name is "Mr. Datafeed". So the overwhelming majority of people are going to wonder what is up your butt. So get ready to be judged time and time again. Luckily for you, someone who doesn't know you is telling you what is the norm. I'm going to jump to an (inaccurate conclusion) that you are odd or have a chip on your shoulder. The Prof is just another person who is going to think your request is strange.
Last edited by MN-Born-n-Raised; 11-04-2013 at 07:41 AM..
Unless one is a senior citizen that prefers to be addressed with the title of Mr/Mrs/Miss, I think it is outdated custom for an instructor to call a student in that fashion.
Everyone is making too much out of this. The OP would feel more comfortable being addressed as Mr., so what? That's not a big deal at all.
OP, if you feel comfortable asking the professor, then you absolutely should. I don't think that he/she will give it more than a couple seconds of thought and then move on with their day. And I can't see him/her thinking anything negative because there isn't anything negative about it. It's not like you're implying that your better than him/her by asking to be addressed more formally, it's about formality not status. They simply won't care and that'll be that.
I don't see the big deal. When I take attendance the first day of class, I always ask my students what they prefer to be called. I've never had a student ask to be addressed by the last name, but I would do it if asked. I'm sure the OP is aware that it comes off as pretentious to others and obviously doesn't seem to mind. To each their own.
There are several things at issue. First, in the academic world, being addressed formally as dr., prof., or even mr., is something that comes with a PhD. At my school all professors were addressed as mr., not dr or prof (it was the school's tradition). Students were addressed by first names. Some professors went by their first names with their graduate students, others stuck with mr. (mostly younger women went by first names, by choice). On the day I got my PhD, all the old professors in the department said "now you can call us by our first names." It is a specific privilege reserved for phd's. So at my school, your request would fly in the face of many years of tradition, and would actually be somewhat disrespectful to professors.
Second, if your school doesn't have a tradition like that, it's still the norm for students to be addressed by first names. It would be very very strange to address a student as "mr," regardless of age. I teach adults, and I do not use "mr." However, I do ask students to call me by my first name. In American classrooms, formal address all around is not really appropriate.
Finally, regardless of the tradition at your school, it would be very odd to make such a request and would make everyone uncomfortable. I would suggest you call the teacher by his/her first name if they welcome that, and otherwise just go with the flow.
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So get ready to be judged time and time again. Luckily for you, someone who doesn't know you is telling you what is the norm. I'm going to jump to an (inaccurate conclusion) that you are odd or have a chip on your shoulder. The Prof is just another person who is going to think your request is strange.