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I don't like my first name so I don't use it, I use my nickname exclusively even at work - it's on my badge issued by my employer. I ask my instructors to please address me by my nickname and have yet to have anyone object - some forget and I gently remind them.
I work in a psych hospital and frequently patients decide they don't like their name during their stay, which is typically only a few days, and staff does their best to remember that Joe wants to be called Bob today. Seems to me if you ask your instructors to address you as Mr. Smith most probably they will.
Which means that it's probably not about how people address you that's the real issue. I'm wondering what is really happening and if you're connected with the VA? Even those here who don't have a background in psych can see that this is an iceberg and as a vet I can tell you that there ARE people who are willing to hear you and offer support. You can begin online if you're more comfortable in this environment, you can try veteranscrisisline.net or call them at 1-800-SUICIDE and hit 1 for the vet line, or call 1-855-838-8255 to talk to a vet for other referrals.
huh....do you work in the psych hospital or are you a patient there? me being called Mr. has nothing to do with my service in the military.
Someone calls me Mr. <insert name here> and I get nervous. I could swear we buried my father 15 year ago.
Maybe its because I'm not spending over $46k for college or lost a hand while serving that I don't demand someone call me by a particular. The lengths some people will go for prestige is disturbing.
While "Mr." is a form of respect, I come from an age where respect was earned and not an entitlement.
Nonsense, the consumer marketplace respects the customer that spends their money and keeps them in "business". I'm a consumer of the universities educational product and should be afforded basic respect as such. I'm not talking about respect for my academic work as I have to earn that, I'm talking about general respect by the institution for choosing their educational product to spend my money on.
I think what you actually want here is courtesy, not respect. (And courtesy can most definitely be bought in the marketplace.)
Someone calls me Mr. <insert name here> and I get nervous. I could swear we buried my father 15 year ago.
Maybe its because I'm not spending over $46k for college or lost a hand while serving that I don't demand someone call me by a particular. The lengths some people will go for prestige is disturbing.
While "Mr." is a form of respect, I come from an age where respect was earned and not an entitlement.
Again, Sir, you miss the mark completely: the amount of tuition I pay, my brief time in the Navy, or (my longer) time as a civilian contractor downrange have nothing with my request that the courtesy of formality be extended to me.
None, nada, I do not see the address as Mr. as being indicative of respect. I see it as a simple common courtesy.
Note that I am formal too..I do not address my profs or TAs by their first name even though they have requested it. I often address them as Sir.
I've been following this thread for several days. There have certainly been some interesting responses.
But the OP has me a bit confused. He denies his military service as having anything to do with his request to be addressed as Mr.__________. And yet, he lets us know that in the Navy, Sr. Officers address Jr. Officers as Mr.___________. I'm assuming he means the U.S. Navy. But that formality certainly predates the O.P.'s service dates. Anyone remember, "Mr. Christian! Come here!"? That was naval.
He makes reference to a young black man being schooled by his grandfather to never allow anyone to call him by his first name except for immediate family. But in the next breath, tells us his ethnicity is white.
He, the O.P., speaks of hotels, and doormen, and Las Vegas casinos and the obeisance accorded him there, although he did have to inform some unknowing peasant of his importance.
Yes, I think he should have the right to be called whatever he likes. But most people who have a preference simply state it. They don't offer all the reasons why they think they deserve it. I was a non-traditional student, and the male professors all called me Ms._____________, while the female professors called me by my first name. I didn't care much, either way. But then, I'm neither a veteran, nor am I wealthy.
I, personally, would abide by the O.P.'s wishes, even without the backstory. And I'm having some difficulty deciding why he felt it so important to present it here.
I've been following this thread for several days. There have certainly been some interesting responses.
But the OP has me a bit confused. He denies his military service as having anything to do with his request to be addressed as Mr.__________. And yet, he lets us know that in the Navy, Sr. Officers address Jr. Officers as Mr.___________. I'm assuming he means the U.S. Navy. But that formality certainly predates the O.P.'s service dates. Anyone remember, "Mr. Christian! Come here!"? That was naval.
He makes reference to a young black man being schooled by his grandfather to never allow anyone to call him by his first name except for immediate family. But in the next breath, tells us his ethnicity is white.
He, the O.P., speaks of hotels, and doormen, and Las Vegas casinos and the obeisance accorded him there, although he did have to inform some unknowing peasant of his importance.
Yes, I think he should have the right to be called whatever he likes. But most people who have a preference simply state it. They don't offer all the reasons why they think they deserve it. I was a non-traditional student, and the male professors all called me Ms._____________, while the female professors called me by my first name. I didn't care much, either way. But then, I'm neither a veteran, nor am I wealthy.
I, personally, would abide by the O.P.'s wishes, even without the backstory. And I'm having some difficulty deciding why he felt it so important to present it here.
makes for interesting copy i agree, the backstory is superflous, but forums tend to stray from original intent after the first few posts....kinda like that whisper exercise one did in the 3rd grade....people are writing about a whole bunch of stuff tangential to the original post--some way way off the original mark,.
you mam, have done the same! you have commented upon the backstory that you have synthesized as opposed to my original post.
makes for interesting copy i agree, the backstory is superflous, but forums tend to stray from original intent after the first few posts....kinda like that whisper exercise one did in the 3rd grade....people are writing about a whole bunch of stuff tangential to the original post--some way way off the original mark,.
you mam, have done the same! you have commented upon the backstory that you have synthesized as opposed to my original post.
From my post:
Yes, I think he should have the right to be called whatever he likes.
I, personally, would abide by the O.P.'s wishes, even without the backstory.
I did comment on the backstory, only because you felt compelled to share it. I said you have the right to be called whatever you wish to be called - please see bolded above.
It would appear that you are "that guy" - the one who wants only replies which agree with your premise. Well, I did.
OMT: Extraneous information and red herrings don't further your cause.
Again, Sir, you miss the mark completely: the amount of tuition I pay, my brief time in the Navy, or (my longer) time as a civilian contractor downrange have nothing with my request that the courtesy of formality be extended to me.
None, nada, I do not see the address as Mr. as being indicative of respect. I see it as a simple common courtesy.
Note that I am formal too..I do not address my profs or TAs by their first name even though they have requested it. I often address them as Sir.
It is not being courteous or respectful not addressing someone by what they requested; you want professors to address your as "Mr.", yet you seem to not want to address professors how they requested to be addressed. Do you see the flaw in this? Or do you need it pointed out for you?
Is it ok to ask that your Prof call you Mr. and your last name? I do not like being addressed by my first name.
I hesitate to call it a right, but this is pretty close. How one addresses another is not the privilege of the professor but of the addressed.
There should not even be a question on the part of the professor. Using someone's first name implies familiarity, especially where one party is in a position of authority and power.
Others have commented that not addressing your professors or TAs by their first name creates a flaw in your concern. It does not. In general, the reason people ask you to address them by their first name is so that they can invoke the privilege of using yours. There is no flaw in the concern if one decides not to address another by their first name, even if asked. The use of the first name implies something other than a simple direction of a comment or conversation between two people, it removes a barrier of formality.
In communication, if one person requests formality, the other should have the courtesy to accept the request and converse accordingly. It is one thing to remove or lower the level of formality for yourself, quite another to require another to do so as well.
How many people would, if addressed by their first name in conversation with The Pope or President, reply using their first names? Very few. Respect is not the privilege of the few, it is the right of all.
Just go about making your preference known in a tactful manner. If the professor can't understand or is so full of themselves that they retaliate or question your position, they can teach you nothing for you are in a class led by an idiot.
Last edited by Mack Knife; 11-06-2013 at 07:25 PM..
Again, I'm not talking about respect for my academic achievement, I'm talking about respect for me as a consumer of their product.
Everything at my university is on their schedule for their convenience and very little thought is given to what I want or what my schedule is. I'm told how I can pay for my tuition (no credit cards), when/where I have to be to register for classes, what times I have to meet outside of class for group work, what classes I can and can't take (have to take some BS elective instead of an elective that will actually do me some good), a change in class start times for the benefit of the Professors and no students wanted it, etc.
I always feel like I'm bothering someone when I need to use the advising office, registrars office, admin services, etc.
I went to a school that cost more than 3x a year what yours cost. When I ran into issues, I never thought "Oh man, this school is not respecting me as a consumer!" That's not the point. You have CHOSEN to attend. And clearly have continued to choose to attend since you haven't transferred out. Not to mention, if I wanted to go elsewhere, there were at least 3 students who were denied admission for each butt in a seat that would be happy to take the burden off my shoulders.
Your tuition dollars - even if paying full tuition - does not cover the cost of tuition. The lights would go out before spring midterms even started if that was the case. At my alma mater, most of the professor's salaries actually come out of donations from endowed chairs. Student fees contribute very little.
Part of the problem with higher education today is that students no longer respect the value of their education, the wisdom of their professors, or the honor of sharing knowledge. Instead, it's become a mill for people who are there because they need a piece of paper.
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i agree, the backstory is superflous, but forums tend to stray from original intent after the first few posts....kinda like that whisper exercise one did in the 3rd grade....people are writing about a whole bunch of stuff tangential to the original post--some way way off the original mark,.