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Thank you NaturalUrbanBalence for you detailed answer.
Now to answer to some of your points
Thanks for the encouraging words. Even though I was born in the United States, I feel that in most of the black neighborhoods, there's this unspoken rule of dictatorship-like conformity where unless you conform to its standards strictly, you will face social (and in some cases, physical) retribution. I've since moved away from the most tyrannical neighborhoods, but I still have to deal with the non-blacks using that street/thuggish image they see constantly as an excuse to harbor racist attitudes.
You're definitely right about that. As for your friend, I'm going to take a guess and say she lived somewhere in Montgomery County. The place I deal with most of the pressures I described was when I lived in Prince Georges County. If you look into Maryland, you'll notice a complete difference between the two. When I attended the University of Maryland, I tend to find that most of the least racist non-blacks and least stereotypical blacks who were from Maryland were from Montgomery County. And I'll admit that I might not have as bad of an image of the entire state if I grew up there instead of PG County.
As for DC, I'm currently residing in the city, but the neighborhood I'm in, Columbia Heights, is basically Los Angeles 1992 waiting to happen again. It's diverse, but the races definitely despise each other in very subtle ways, and that especially goes for the feeling towards blacks. And for other neighborhoods, believe me when I say there are a lot of racially segregated or racially tense places in DC like Capitol Hill, anywhere East of the Anacostia River, and most places in PG County in Maryland. There are progressive neighborhoods in the DC area, but either they're expensive (Logan Circle, Dupont Circle, Adams Morgan, parts of Arlington), the population is mostly of the older crowd of single people in their 30s (Reston, Bethesda, Alexandria), or they're designed exclusively for families and elderly people (Rockville, Silver Spring/Takoma, nearly all of Northern Virginia)
I'm ultimately aiming to live out in the Western States. Too bad California (and this country in general) had an economic collapse around the time I graduated from college. Seattle and Denver are also good choices and alternatives. Honolulu would be a lovely place if the jobs were readily available. NYC and especially Boston weren't cities I expect racial integration to be all that great (given that I now know that diversity does not instantly equal racial integration and harmony from my earlier example), but thanks nevertheless with giving me a guide to the neighborhoods I should and should not move to just in case I have to move to those places.
Fortunately, I couldn't care less for living in those places you advised against. The only place I would look into within the South are the major cites in Texas (Houston and Austin to be exact).
America will get there, but IMO, it's long overdue. All of this should have been happening during the 60s-80s, and for some reason, I get this hunch that the 80s & 90s were the least racist period in our time, but America went backwards with racial progress towards blacks with the rise of Street/Gangsta & Southern/Plantation Rap and the use of "political correctness" and "tolerance" as a way to hide racist feelings and attitudes.
To be honest, it's more likely that the feelings didn't change, just the way the game is played did.
Also, NYC and Boston have a wide range of neighborhoods for pretty much any and everybody.
Ask people in Denver about 5 Points and ask people in Seattle about the Central District and you will see what I'm talking about.
This whole nation, for the most part, in most places, has been like this. The attitudes haven't totallly changed. I can agree on that. It is just more hidden. For instance, I can buy a house anywhere. No one can say "No Blacks allowed" and it be legal. I can sue the daylights out of the realtors for that. With that said, it doesn't mean I will be very well received. I am learning this on the college level. No one can deny me the right eat wherever I want, live wherever I want, but it doesn't mean everyone will like it.
To Fairfaxian, more power to you man. I totally feel where you are coming from. Having lived in New Haven and Palo Alto (for school each time), it is definitely a true point that location matters--ideally metropolitan areas are essential for those who are "non-stereotypical" (of which I am one too). It seems in so many cloistered, isolated communities, black folk just go nuts in terms of demanding one model of black male hypermasculinity, and oppressing those who are different. It's standard group psychology of course--think: high school.
To those hating on Fairfaxian, I don't get it. Shouldn't EVERYONE be appaulding his non-stereotypicalness? The stereotype ain't pretty: just ask anyone in education in urban areas (a place
where I've taught for years to help urban black poor kids), or in public health (HIV, Herpes rates, etc. skyrocketing in the black community). It's amazing that there's in this thread a series of people yelling at FairFaxian for critiquing a ghetto culture that has tremendous negative consequences. As a former resident myself (lower 9th ward, New Orleans) I can say it's one thing to be boasting your chest, saying that FairFaxian thinks that other people are "below" him, or that he needs to change HIS WAYS, but it's another to see the death, destruction, moral decay and extreme hopelessness on a daily basis. Too often I've seen black folk in Ivy League level places come from like Orange County or La Jolla drive in a 40k+ car with allowances from mommy/daddy tell me about what it means to be black and from the 'hood when they've never had to learn what urban poverty (and the consequences thereof) are like.
It's also just as devastating to be made an outsider BY YOUR OWN PEOPLE. (at least with other races you can rationalize it out and expect it, but betrayal from within is another matter)
It's also outrageous that people are telling him to just "be ok with yourself." Sorry that's stupid. Guys in their teens and 20s are trying to find out who they are, and yes ENVIRONMENT MATTERS. This idealist hokey pokey about "living wherever" is crap. What's wrong with strategically picking one's place so that they can get the confidence, the dating history (chuckles), and the social group to make their earlier lives easier? It's harder to "be yourself" when you are called all kinds of homophobic names, Uncle Tom, Oreo, etc. when your own people are aiming their bullets at your head. No one has a "moral" duty to put up with that and anyone suggesting that needs to have their head examined.
So go ahead FairFaxian, do your thing. I've found that when I've been ostracized that I get a COMPLETELY different level of treatment when I go to NYC, San Francisco, Chicago (downtown), Las Vegas, and ironically, "party towns" near state colleges (Ohio State, Arizona State, whatever).
Avoid super rural places, or cloistered groups like the plaque...ones where there isn't much MOBILITY. Also avoid places where there is BOTH a small tight everyone-knows-your-business black community (especially if its so called an "intellectual group" combined with extreme economic stratification. That combination for me has always lead to the kind of nastiness you are trying to avoid (think: how Cory Booker was treated by blacks in his campaign...called gay, white boy, Republican, etc.)
Fairfaxian, do your thing man, despite the haters who don't know what's up.
And allow me to clarify: I'm not saying that The_Fairfaxian is a bad person whatsoever. It's just that some things needed to be aired out and clarified to understand where he, and others, where coming from. Sometimes there were legitimate differences and misunderstandings; other times, people were talking past each other.
I realize that I'm new in this forum, but I really wanted to find out about something that I have been dealing with for nearly all of my life. Just to address it, yes, I am black, but many of my characteristics (The way I talk, the music I listen to, the clothes I wear, etc.) are usually deemed as white. However, the people (blacks, whites, and every other race) of where I live and attend college (DC Suburban Maryland) has shown for the most part disdain for the way I carry myself. The blacks here usually see me as a "betrayer;" and as for many whites, Asians, and Eastern Indians, I'm usually just ostracized because of me being black. Also, I really have a real attraction for girls outside my race (white, Asian, etc.), but apparently, black girls are the ones who are able to date outside their race easier. I just wanted to know what cities, or areas within a city, would be best for a black person who doesn't resemble the stereotypical "black man" would live after graduating from college (racial acceptance; interracial dating, marriage, and families, etc.)? I’ve heard most of the West Coast is a good environment, but what specific areas anywhere would do well for a person of my classification?
And culturally, SF seems too similar to DC, and I would rather not have to deal with limousine liberals who are just welcoming to chic-acceptable groups such as Asians, gays, and Indians.
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