Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Your post is 100% correct - but irrelevant. The finances CF couples have is not mutually exclusive. People with kids are at just as much risk for the health conditions you wrote about and are even more at risk for financial problems as we probably have less of a cushion.
But you flat out said "no stress" for CFs, which is totally wrong.
And families do have financial cushions when bad things happen that CFs typically don't. It's not as easy for a childless/free person to get public benefits - one reads many stories on the CF boards that detail such examples. And families who suffer calamities certainly present a more piteous view on the news and generate more sympathy than someone without kids. How often do you see people without kids presented each Christmas on the angel trees? Maybe if they're old and portray a picture of "poor and alone at Christmas", but otherwise it's families.
I would not change my life path for anything, but CF folks don't abide in invulnerable fortresses. I'm just glad I don't have kids to drag down with me, should anything bad happen.
My sil and bil have no children. This is by choice ; they are into their career. But now she is in her mid 50's, on disability and seems so bored. Her dh got a job out of the country so he cannot look after her. We live about 20 mins away but we are so busy with school, sports, work and we are also in the process of moving.
I think she is happy she never had kids. I think he would have liked them. She is a very selfish person and I dont think she has space for kids in her life.
I knew from very early on that having children just wasn't something I wanted to do. Being female, I was often told that I would change my mind and I wasn't normal for not wanting them. Of course every woman has to want children. But I was more interested in having a career and being out in the world. I also didn't want to go through the whole pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding/baby/toddler/school/activities thing. I really had no interest in any of this.
I do however love animals and we do animal rescue so it's funny how I enjoy nurturing them but not my own offspring.
I think a lot of people have kids because of society/family pressure and feel they have no choice. They end up resenting their kids and the kids can feel it. This is how I felt growing up with my mother and I did not want to perptuate this.
Been married twice (widowed and now currently married) and both husbands also did not want kids. It's something you discuss very early on in a relationship. I think they were both relieved with my decision. My husband and I have a great relationship, focused on each other, and the animals.
I will say that now that I am older (49), I wonder what life would be like with adult children? I'm sure it would be rewarding in some way, especially since I'm lacking in having many blood relatives. But it's not enough to feel any regret about my decision.
I definitely agree with the more free time, time and energy to be healthier, more youthful, etc.
And:
A 2009 New York Times article documented two decades of research examining the impact of children on marriage. The conclusion was that marital quality often drops after the transition into parenthood, and that there is an increase in marital happiness after the children leave home.
Definitely I have no regrets about not having kids (I'm now 58). But---for people who want kids, for the right reasons, and if the kids turn out reasonably well, then I am sure it is a fulfilling experience that they don't regret.
I have a fairly high stress level as it is (work, etc).
Nothing compared to the constant stress and worry over my son. He's 5.5 months old and I am always worrying about him. If you can't handle stress/anxiety well, do not have children. In that respect, I can TOTALLY understand couples with no kids having a higher quality of life. It's not the time he takes or infringing on my 'freedom', etc, that has been the negative. It's always having to worry about the welfare of this little guy.
On the other hand, I have a feeling that he and I are going to have a REALLY good time. We already are. He's hysterical. I know what it's like to be a childless couple, and now I know what it's like to have a kid. I'll pick the kid.
I would never have been childless, even if I had to adopt.
I loved having my babies and the joy I felt when first seeing them can never be matched.
They have made every holiday special. They have made me laugh with their silly words and ways.
The good outweighs the bad.
Now they are adults and we are good friends and enjoy each others company. We do fun things together and those times are special.
Their children are a joy to me. I was there at their births. I helped with raising the twin boys and I renewed my pleasure of watching these little fellows grow.
Life without my girls? Life without the little fellows? I would be so bored. Probably too involved with "myself" and my travels would have been so uninteresting.
I get a lot of joy telling the history to the boys in NYC......the history in Washington DC.....the history of the Amish in Lancaster....of Gettysburg.
I can only picture me walking around in those cities and talking to "myself."
Life would be to boring, to self centered.....
There is nothing like a call saying "Nonnie I miss you." or, " Nonnie when are you coming up."
"Come to our game." Watch me ride my bike! ( and on and on)
My joys in life have been centered around my girls and those little fellows.
But, yes.......I still have time for friends and going out and about as a "pair."
Even with those early hard years ( and the teen years were not bad at all) .....I'd still want
my life exactly has it has been. Three big weddings, college, braces and all.
I'd say people with no kids (who chose not to have them) are happy with that decision, but not perhaps with all aspects of their lives.
I'd also say people with kids (who chose to have them) are happy with that decision, but not perhaps with all aspects of their lives.
I find it ridiculous that some perceive the choice to have kids or not somehow guarantees happiness.
Exactly! It is like choosing a career, going into the military as a career, just so many things.
I have one biological child and one child with special needs that is adopted. I never considered them a "burden" and would not trade the memories that we made as a family for the cash it would have saved me had I not had these children in my life. I probably felt most positive about the experience when I saw my older son duplicating the experiences he grew up with in his own family as if to say "This was good."
I never considered my children an investment in the future in that I would have expectations that they should fulfill as adults toward us, the parents so perhaps that is saving me the grumpiness that many have over the kids not visiting enough, etc.
I love my kids and the experience of sharing my life with them was priceless.
So, if you think you're happier than I am in not having had children then you have made the right decision because nothing is worse than having children when you don't want them which I know too many people end up doing.
*shrug* You don't miss what you were never interested in, in the first place.
I'm 52, spouse is 61. With middle age comes reflection, so we think about a lot of things we would have done different. But choosing to not have kids? Not.a.single.regret. In fact, having watched the progress of some families for decades - even happy family units, we absolutely know that if our lives had taken the same path, we would be as miserable as hell. We could see that having a family made some of these people very happy - but it was a form of happiness that did not interest us. And I don't think the choice (or orientation in our case) needs to be justified. The childfree life is just a path some people take, which very-very (practically nonexistent) few childed people understand.
Most of us make 'poor decisions' in our youth that we later wish we had not made, but, are 'stuck' with the consequences. That's life and nobody get's a second chance ... so, one may as well make the best of the life one has.
However, to suggest that one doesn't miss what they were never interested in, in the first place .... suggests that one maintains the same values and interests of their 'youth' ... as they grow older. Of course, one role of parents is to help their children make as few of those 'unfortunate choices' as possible.
One thing missing from this discussion thus far, is what we learn FROM our children. I'm not sure I would have truly understood the meaning of 'sacrificial love', without the kids and grandkids ... nor fully learned to appreciate the growth of others.
"thing missing from this discussion thus far, is what we learn FROM our children. I'm not sure I would have truly understood the meaning of 'sacrificial love', without the kids and grandkids ... nor fully learned to appreciate the growth of others." jgHorton...
That is a great statement. I still can feel the most amazing amount of love when my new baby came forward to me and into my arms.
My children ask me that as a grandmother now would I " still throw myself in front of a train" for one of the little fellows? " Is it the same feeling you have now? They asked me this one day.
I said " Oh yes." For some reason, beyond my knowledge or understanding.....I still would have the maternal instinct to go save one of the children regardless of my own life.
So what does that mean? I think I learned it means a good thing. I want to care more about my loved ones then myself.
Watching them grown and learn is enormously pleasurable to me. Watching that learning process from start to finish. ( if there is such a time as finished....)
I remember when my own Dad would teach me things when we were at a travel location and I thought he was so very smart. Now, I take his place with "trying" to explain what happened when and how.
Recently we were in Washington, DC and the capsule was displayed. As me and one of the fellows were listening to the astronaut landing on the moon. I explained how later we would learn that one of the legs almost went into a crator. I explained how exciting it was and all about the loss of contact on the dark side of the moon. He was in awe and I was back in time and place. Amazing.
I learn so much and they learn so much.......
It makes for one exciting life, I think.......Without my girls and without the boys....Ah, what a boring soul I would be. I'd feel very self-serving, self -centered and just "where would my joy come from.....myself?"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But I was more interested in having a career and being out in the world. I also didn't want to go through the whole pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding/baby/toddler/school/activities thing. I really had no interest in any of this. 
