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Why on earth would a 30 yo bring this up with his mom???
2 days isn't much time to digest this. . . . And I think the real issue is apologizing to the boy -- if he looks back on this differently than you do which is apparently the case. Hard to understand what he's feeling; he seems to have some long held issues. Stupid thing but probably not all that uncommon.
The discussion has caused me to recall mixed issues dealing with teen cousins who I had much closer, private contact with as young teens than parents would give a 14 school girlfriend -- heck, our parents would naively encourage time together -- and in environments that they'd never dreamed of with school friends. The mixed male emotions and hormones of seeing your 14 yo cousin lean over the bed in loose pajamas playing some board game combined with society's taboo's can send wildly mixed signals of arousal and shame to a teenage boy. Whew. . . .
All that said, the guy is JUST NOW deciding to "unburden" his guilt??? He should be way past this now. Frankly, it sounds to me like the guy has never gotten over his own shame about this, and this is his way to deal with it. Nothing you can do at this point to help him. Personally, I think he needs some counseling. You can write a letter (I agree to wait a couple of weeks) and then just let it lay. It is what it is. Some things can't be undone.
I think this is spot on. If somewhat equal participants; he seems to have some issues that aren't going to go away with a simple letter of apology.
See, where I grew up, 14 year olds and 17 year olds have the same life in term of sexual relationships, so I didn't think anything of the age difference at the time.
He didn't seem like my younger 14 year old cousin, he just seemed like my peer. I was pretty emotionally immature at the time, and maybe that has something to do with it. It didn't seem like a 17 and 14 year old getting together, it just felt like two high school kids getting together, which to me, at the time, was normal.
Our ages now are 30 and 34.
If this had happened to you son, is there ANYTHING the other person could say that would help you to forgive or understand where they're coming from?
I really cant say how I would feel if this happened to my son because now that I know you both are in your 30's, that is a lot of time that has passed. I guess how I would process it, would be how you have lead your life since then. Are you more mature now? Do you make wise choices? Do you still gravitate toward much younger men?
When I was 17, I was a senior in high school. I had my own car. At that age I would have never considered a 14 year old as a "peer". Where I grew up the school district had major budget issues and the city tore down the the middle school. So I was 14 and in high school but this usually is not the norm. Most 14 yr olds are still in middle school. I know when I grew up and the city lumped 13 yr olds - 18 yr olds, the city had a surge of teen pregnancies. After a few years, the school district realized mixing these age groups together was a bad idea and built a new middle school. In most cases 14 and 17 yr olds simply are not on the same maturity level.
Ok...so here we are to present day. I have no idea why your cousin would bring all of this at the age of 30! So either your cousin has ill feelings about the past, he told his wife and she blew a gasket and was going to spill the beans so your cousin did instead or maybe he has children that are getting close to teenage years and possibly concerned about his children spending time with cousins of the same age and is worried the same might happen to them?
Have you tried talking to your cousin about all of this?
If this story is real, I think the OP is a horrible, selfish person who should do the right thing and never contact this wing of the family except perhaps to apologize.
I say this not because of the sex in and of itself, but because of this:
It seems obvious to me that the cousin was negatively affected by having this sexual relationship - he is so affected he had to unburden himself 15 years later. But the OP does not care about the cousin's mental welfare at all - all I see on this thread is how dare they be mad at me and who cares about the age difference, its nothing and worse of all well he may have been 14 but he wanted it. You are all ME ME ME.
If he is still having problems with what happened today, then obviously he was not mentally prepared for your sexual relationship. You took advantage of him emotionally, even if you didn't realize it at the time. You should be begging for forgiveness, and then you should let it be up to him as to whether you get the chance to reconcile with the rest of the family.
Sounds to me as if the OPs 30 yo cousin is looking for something to blame his current issues on. "My cousin molested me when I was 14 and thats to blame for all I have done wrong since." Sounds like he needs to man up.
Sounds to me as if the OPs 30 yo cousin is looking for something to blame his current issues on. "My cousin molested me when I was 14 and thats to blame for all I have done wrong since." Sounds like he needs to man up.
Exactly, skipper. In my eyes, the OP did nothing wrong. The dude's just a wimp
Either way - I can see where your family is coming from. Regardless of the fact that you each have separate lives NOW, it is really just never okay to fool around with a family member in any sense of the word.
I'm sorry, but it's kind of disturbing. Even if you were both consenting, you were older and should have known better.
Why not? Not everyone feels that there is anything wrong with it.
Either way - I can see where your family is coming from. Regardless of the fact that you each have separate lives NOW, it is really just never okay to fool around with a family member in any sense of the word.
I'm sorry, but it's kind of disturbing. Even if you were both consenting, you were older and should have known better.
Why should they have known better actually? Sex play between relatives is fairly common growing up believe it or not. And given that they barely felt like family i am assuming this was a cousin who he/she didn't see often.
I've told my current bf about it and what you're saying is exactly what he says, too.
I just feel bad that I've hurt my family so much. Their Christians and kind of conservative, so maybe it hits them harder than most? I dunno.
I had a feeling that of might have been the case. Often as people get deeper into religion being older they can start to regret what they did in the past believing it was wrong.
Exactly, skipper. In my eyes, the OP did nothing wrong. The dude's just a wimp
Didn't the OP say this family is religious? This could be a big part in what is going on.
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So either your cousin has ill feelings about the past, he told his wife and she blew a gasket and was going to spill the beans so your cousin did instead or maybe he has children that are getting close to teenage years and possibly concerned about his children spending time with cousins of the same age and is worried the same might happen to them? 
