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Well, JUST LIVED LIFE TO THE FULLEST..BE HAPPY OF WHAT U HAVE RIGHT NOW, AND STILL BE THANKFUL THAT YOUR STILL ALIVE AND DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY..GOD ALWAYS BE THERE WITH YOU..
So sad that your mother will take in abandomed animals yet forsake her own...you owe her no apology....let go of your hurt and anger and instead concentrate on loveing your beautiful children...you can't make amends with someone who sees no wrong....I wish you the best...
Her reasons don't matter. You were just a baby still! Reflect a little bit on how she really was without your personal feelings. Do you want to bring someone like that into your life now? Around your kids? Hope not.
People are crappy...sometimes they happen to be your parent. She should be finding YOU and apologizing. Not the other way around. And for someone to put a dogs life about the whole family? Thats just not sane or normal. It would be one thing if it snapped once but it constantly attacked people?
I just don't understand why she did that to me. I felt and still feel so unloved.
So I was wondering if I should try to make amends or just move on. What would you do? It's such a weird situation. I have talked to her since this happened and I try to talk to her about it all and how it makes me feel to see if she will feel even the slightest bit sorry. Not a chance. She acts like nothing ever happened. It's really frustrating. My bf thinks I should just forget her and move on with my life.
It sounds like your mother either has some mental issues, or just doesn't have the capacity to be a loving parent. I'm so sorry. It's horrible that some children are born every day into those conditions because the effects are lasting.
At this point, I don't think there's much you can get from your mother. She's not going to want to talk about what happened because either 1. She'd have to admit she did the wrong thing and that would make her feel bad or 2. She doesn't have the ability to understand why you're hurt and just thinks you're doing it to try to make her feel bad. There is no perfect happy solution 3. She apologizes, grovels at your feet, admits she was wrong and is oh so sorry, because most of the time any person who could do that to their child doesn't really have the capacity to feel sorry about it later. Either they're deluded (mental issues) about it or they're simply narcissistic enough to think it's all about them.
So in your case, I would ask myself what would be the least painful. Will you feel worse about walking away and having no more contact, or continuing to have contact but knowing she will never validate your feelings? I think you would be justified in choosing either path. And for the sake of your own sanity, consider finding someone to whom you can vent--a therapist, a religious leader, a friend... someone who can hear you let it all out without judgement. Sometimes holding onto everything is the most damaging. Good luck.
IMO, you can't pick your relatives, and unfortunately, yours are just bad. You can choose whether they are worth the investment in time, energy, and stress. I probably wouldn't bother.
Gosh I'm sorry to hear about all of you guys' bad parents, that makes my mother look like a saint. My mother kicked me out one night when I was 16 and I spent the night at a friend's house and my grandparents came and got me and I stayed up there, but my mom told everyone I ran away and because I had a track record of running away due to her drunk irrational crazy outbursts, they believed her (but she didn't come up and get me). I had planned a trip to another state to visit a longtime friend earlier that summer and my grandparents encouraged me to go since I already had a plane ticket and everything. I went up there and resolved to keep everything from them but my friend's mom knew something was wrong and I finally told her what had happened. She wanted to take action to let me stay up there and go to school and stay with her, but my mom called me up there and finally talked me into going home.
She has also kicked my brother out on two occasions, and since neither of us are close to our fathers, he'd go stay with our uncle and aunt, whom my mom can't stand, and she'd talk him into coming back home also (with exception of the second time, when he'd joined the military). Other than that my brother hated being home and would spend time at the said uncle's house or various friends' houses.
I moved out as soon as I could after that, but job troubles sent me back two years ago (her idea that I move back in) and now I realize it was a bad idea. Every time she upsets me I pack another box. I made low money working retail and went on overnights at my job last spring and I am in college presently. NOW I am finally making enough money that I can finally find a place that will rent to me and have applied for the apartment and am hoping to be out of here within a month.
All things considered, I don't think you guys should make a move to make amends. Some people will never change and that's not your fault and you shouldn't pretend that it is just to have that "thicker than blood" family. It's likely not worth it.
I've found that holding grudges and anger long term eat me from the inside. You refusing to apologize to your mom probably hurts you more than it hurts her (since it sounds like she's a pretty self absorbed person).
Forgiving her doesn't mean you have to continue a relationship with her. It doesn't mean you have to like her, even. It just means that you are letting go of that hurt and moving on with your life.
If you have the ability to, I'd recommend finding some sort of counselor--therapist, pastor, etc. They can help you talk through the hurt and figure out the best way to let go of it, whether it's by contacting your mom or not.
My mom did this to me. I got off of the bus, walked up to the door like I did every school day, only to find the door locked and a note explaining I was no longer welcome to live there. Shocked and upset I walked to a friend's house, called my bf, and he came and got me. His mom let me live at their house, took me in like her own. She was a single mother of 4 boys. My mom a single mother of 1 girl, me.
My mom is one of a kind. She is an animal FREAK. I love animals, but this woman is one of those that treats them like humans. My mom brought in a stray dog that she found on our road. This dog had apparently been abused because a whole litter of them were brought into the local humane society where my mom worked part time. So this explained it's temperament, because ever since we took it in, it randomly attacked me. It attacked me so badly one time that my mom's boyfriend had to convince my mom to take me to the hospital to see if I needed stitches, which I did. The whole way there my mom kept reiterating that I was NOT under any circumstances to tell them that OUR dog did this. She didn't want the dog to be put sleep I guess, idk. Seemed to me she cared a lot more for the dog than her own child. After that incident, she kept the dog on a leash when she was home, in a kennel when she was gone. He growled at me all the time. It attacked my cousin. Tore up her pants. Drug a rather heavy recliner across the living room trying to get to one of my friends. My friend never came back over again.
I could go on about things she has done and said to me that most normal people I'm sure would cringe at. It makes me cringe and I'm the one who deals with it.
I don't really understand why she just all of a sudden without warning decided to 'kick me out'. We lived in a crappy, run down trailer for 12 years. We moved in with her bf into this private residential community. It's a NICE place to live. The only explanation I can come up with is I just didn't fit into her new 'perfect' life. I don't know. I mean, I wasn't perfect, we had our problems, but looking back I think I was a normal teenager. Got me asking myself what did you do?
I've got kids of my own now and they are so precious to me. I just don't understand why she did that to me. I felt and still feel so unloved.
So I was wondering if I should try to make amends or just move on. What would you do? It's such a weird situation. I have talked to her since this happened and I try to talk to her about it all and how it makes me feel to see if she will feel even the slightest bit sorry. Not a chance. She acts like nothing ever happened. It's really frustrating. My bf thinks I should just forget her and move on with my life.
MOVE ON! Please do yourself a favor. Yes, she did not love you as much as her dogs. Not all mothers are good. But hopefully you found someone in your life that actually did love you. No sense in getting in touch with a person who won't be good for you. No sense at all.
On the other hand, if she is a changed person and is VERY remorseful and really loves you and wants to prove it to you, then yes, I would get in touch and let the bygones by bygones.
What matters NOW is whether this future experience (of getting in touch with someone) will bring you positive or negative results. If positive, go for it. If negative, STAY AWAY!
I'm sorry that this happened to you and it sucks you had to go through this. I don't think you owe her an apology nor do I think you should make amends. I don't think that she is the type of person that would appreciate you reaching out to her anyway. I would just work on your own happiness and well-being.
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