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Every story has two sides, if we don't know the reasons your mother kicked you out, is nearly impossible to give a good advice.
I don't know. She said she "couldn't deal with me anymore" in the note she put on the door. I'd read it to you, but I didn't keep it. Like I mentioned earlier in this post, I was NOT perfect but what teenager is a perfect angel. What do you want me to do, give you a list of all the naughty things I did as a teenager? Well let's see... When I was a teen I argued with her and had an attitude when she told me I couldn't hang out with friends. I stayed out past her 7 p.m. curfew once and came home at 9 p.m. I turned up my stereo really loud sometimes. I ran up the phone bill right after we moved trying to keep in contact with my best friend at my old school. One time I ate some food in the fridge that was not 'mine' it was her husband's food. (There was certain foods I wasn't allowed to eat.) I also was not allowed to eat at certain times. She got mad at me for cooking macaroni and cheese at 9:30 at night. Apparently it was too late at night to do something so outlandish! She got so mad at ME because every single morning there would be crumbs ALL over the kitchen counter, (did i mention she is a neat freak? She actually dusts her plants.) well come to find out, her husband was the culprit to those late-night crumbs, but of course I was the one who got chewed out for it. She admitted to me that she found out it was him after she kicked me out and actually laughed about it. And when I say chewed out, I mean like anything out of place or something that went wrong was THE END of the world to her and she would just go OFF. BUT, she never let her husband see her act this way. She very often would switch from being a total *****, to victim right when her husband got home. Ser-i-ous-ly. Imagine living with this. He thought I was 'so mean' to her.
But I get it, there just HAS to be a reason a mother would kick her daughter out. The kid had to of done something really terrible. It was all MY fault. I deserved to be kicked out.
I don't know. She said she "couldn't deal with me anymore" in the note she put on the door. I'd read it to you, but I didn't keep it. Like I mentioned earlier in this post, I was NOT perfect but what teenager is a perfect angel. What do you want me to do, give you a list of all the naughty things I did as a teenager? Well let's see... When I was a teen I argued with her and had an attitude when she told me I couldn't hang out with friends. I stayed out past her 7 p.m. curfew once and came home at 9 p.m. I turned up my stereo really loud sometimes. I ran up the phone bill right after we moved trying to keep in contact with my best friend at my old school. One time I ate some food in the fridge that was not 'mine' it was her husband's food. (There was certain foods I wasn't allowed to eat.) I also was not allowed to eat at certain times. She got mad at me for cooking macaroni and cheese at 9:30 at night. Apparently it was too late at night to do something so outlandish! She got so mad at ME because every single morning there would be crumbs ALL over the kitchen counter, (did i mention she is a neat freak? She actually dusts her plants.) well come to find out, her husband was the culprit to those late-night crumbs, but of course I was the one who got chewed out for it. She admitted to me that she found out it was him after she kicked me out and actually laughed about it. And when I say chewed out, I mean like anything out of place or something that went wrong was THE END of the world to her and she would just go OFF. BUT, she never let her husband see her act this way. She very often would switch from being a total *****, to victim right when her husband got home. Ser-i-ous-ly. Imagine living with this. He thought I was 'so mean' to her.
But I get it, there just HAS to be a reason a mother would kick her daughter out. The kid had to of done something really terrible. It was all MY fault. I deserved to be kicked out.
Of course that is YOUR side of the story, it will be helpfull to know your mother reasons, because maybe you don't realize you deserve this.
But your mom is not writing here, so you want us to assume you are good and your mom evil...
I came upon this thread by accident. Shocking how normal you are by your writing given your 'parents'. You really should go to a good counselor who can help you with feelings and decisions on how to deal with them both. Your Mom may not be capable of love, love is shown in some way, it's a verb, not just a feeling. I'd let your Mom call you rather than you call her, but don't let her use you (if she tends to do that). I didn't read all about your mother. Your father, maybe you'd want to call him and ask him to meet you ALONE for lunch, the park, or where ever you think 'he' might want to go. When you meet tell him how you feel about what you would like from him, and be prepared for what you think he will say. If you make any headway tell him or show him your above post on him and his son. From the things he said to you and said about his son...it sounds like either cruelty or extreme self centeredness along with basic lack of caring for others feelings.
Hi welcome to my crazy world lol... just a joke (from stumbling upon thread). Thanks for thinking I sound normal, that's a compliment to me, lol. Give credit to my boyfriend's mom for that.
Thanks for the advice . I'm not talking to my mom for the time being. I did tell my dad that I would rather get to know HIM first before getting to know his son and wife. I offered a chance to meet in person - alone - wherever and whenever he would like. Still waiting for a reply.
Yea I probably could use some therapy, but I'm broke so... But I'll be all right. I've come this far.
"your Mom seems to be bolstering her self-image as 'compassionate', 'loving', 'seeking "Unconditional Love", 'nurturing' (while putting you in harm's way, and finally throwing you out), through her "ministry" unto the poor, little Dogs."
This is my mom to a T. I was an only child. It seems as though (and this sounds crazy even saying it) that my mom kinda treated the dogs like my siblings, but if anything bad happened (like attacking me) it was MY fault because "the dog doesn't know any better, it's an innocent dog." Someone had told me once that my mom put dogs on a pedestal and that is why the dog felt it could attack me, because it was ABOVE me.
You really described it well, better than I can describe it. Thanks for sharing this.
Oh, I can see how your Mom would have let you know that she considered the Dogs to be your siblings. It's a rather typical form of putdown, actually. And it's rather bulletproof, considering that protests from you would be brushed off as egotistical: "Well, YOU certainly do have a high opinion of YOURself, don't you, Missy? Who do you think you ARE, putting yourself above G--'s Creatures, like Fluffy, Barky, and Scrappy?"
I saw a Youtube Vid of an original Carol Burnett Show, Mama's Family skit. The famous and successful Son has come home to Raytown, where he's always been devalued and ignored. Instead of congratulating him on his success, Mama and the rest of the worthless relatives instead fixate on what the little Toy Poodle is doing...baby-talking at him..."He just thinks he's a PERSON, yes he does, yes he does!" Finally, the famous son gives up on trying to talk to his family, while the oblivious relatives continue carrying on about the Pooch. The implicit statement there, I think, is "We value you less than we do a Dog. You're nothing to us, and never will be anything we value."http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dciOI-Ok23Q
You're putting words together extremely well for a 16yo. From that alone, I'd say you should be valued HIGHLY. And I took a look at your profile, and found the question about a future career. Excellent! I was going to suggest that this should be your top priority. But you beat me to it. You seem smart and motivated. You are HIGH VALUE, and do not deserve to be placed on a level with some narcissistic creature's Dogs.
I learned to turn my back on people who insisted on placing a low value on me: "Girl, what you need to do is take a Dog Grooming course and stay at home with some babies." and "Who do you think you ARE, talkin' about goin' off to a 4-year College? You ain't goin ta NO college! You ain't nothin' but a ugly little Skag, an' you ain't never goin' nowhere but the Crazy House."(the latter quote from my Mom in what, by her standards, was a sober and lucid moment).
For now, consider this mental exercise regarding the Mom who threw you out: Imagine one of those messy old Ledgers. You're writing the last words with an old Quill Pen. There. End of story. Account CLOSED. You dust on some Blotter Sand, and brush it off. You close the clunky, loosely-bound collection of pages, wrap it in brown paper, tie it with twine, and put it on a high shelf, in a forgotten corner. Later, when you can afford it, MAYBE, you'll take that package off the shelf, and send it off to have the pages trimmed and gilded...and a nice embossed leather binding made. MAYBE...if you have the time. But for years and years, it's not on your list of things to do...or on your list of things to think about.
You have a life to build; a career to develop; a boyfriend who loves you; and a new Mom who does, too.
For Mom's house, I did not want contact with her to pollute or infect the people who mattered in my life. So, instead of my own Decorator, I called a much-published Interior Designer who lived in our little gated enclave. She and her husband were the jokes of our town. Textbook Narcissists, with an obnoxious kid, and an obnoxious Dog, that they used, predictably, for committing Aggression by Proxy. I figured she and Mom deserved each other (and that Designer's name on the realtor's description would be valuable, come resale time...which it proved to be, since I made a little bit on the place, when Mom died...plus, the fact that it was published puts a bit of polish on a a life-ending crafted for the benefit of 'Posterity'.).
You do get that I'm saying you owe the mom who threw you out NOTHING, and that anything you do from now on should be for the benefit of yourself and those you love.
Dogs seem a recurring motif here, and naturally Miss Narci Designer used hers as a way of putting-down employees of their design firm (letting her pets run around soiling the workstations of employees was a fave ploy). Her Assistant was a very nice girl, who outranked her boss, socially (better Sorority, better family, better manners...). Well, through the grapevine I hear that the Assistant had formally requested a rather modest $200.00 monthly raise; presenting a well-thought-out breakdown of her living expenses: this after years of service. She was turned down with considerable rudeness and derision. Later that afternoon, Narci Designer plops down a catalogue with a $400.00 DOG BED, for her personal precious pooch, and tells the Assistant to order it. This, not two hours after a snippy, "I'm sorry: but the firm is unable to give you a $200.00 raise at this time."
This sort of thing is done by people like that all the time. You are SO not alone in having someone try to place your value at below that of a Dog.
Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 08-18-2011 at 06:40 PM..
Interesting, we must have similar Mother's...mine did basically the same thing, but I was 13. And she is a cat hoarder.
I have a relationship with my Mother, but it is superficial, and I don't bring up the past. I am over it, so why go there? Just live in the here and now, it is much healthier.
Keeping a grudge, is worse on you, than just letting it go.
It is up to you, but I have a relationship with my Mother...and even though she is crazy, she is family, you can't pick your family...and I still value that you have to attempt a relationship with people...
Oh, I can see how your Mom would have let you know that she considered the Dogs to be your siblings. It's a rather typical form of putdown, actually. And it's rather bulletproof, considering that protests from you would be brushed off as egotistical: "Well, YOU certainly do have a high opinion of YOURself, don't you, Missy? Who do you think you ARE, putting yourself above G--'s Creatures, like Fluffy, Barky, and Scrappy?"
I saw a Youtube Vid of an original Carol Burnett Show, Mama's Family skit. The famous and successful Son has come home to Raytown, where he's always been devalued and ignored. Instead of congratulating him on his success, Mama and the rest of the worthless relatives instead fixate on what the little Toy Poodle is doing...baby-talking at him..."He just thinks he's a PERSON, yes he does, yes he does!" Finally, the famous son gives up on trying to talk to his family, while the oblivious relatives continue carrying on about the Pooch. The implicit statement there, I think, is "We value you less than we do a Dog. You're nothing to us, and never will be anything we value." The Carol Burnett Show - The First "Family" Sketch - YouTube
You're putting words together extremely well for a 16yo. From that alone, I'd say you should be valued HIGHLY. And I took a look at your profile, and found the question about a future career. Excellent! I was going to suggest that this should be your top priority. But you beat me to it. You seem smart and motivated. You are HIGH VALUE, and do not deserve to be placed on a level with some narcissistic creature's Dogs.
Thank you.
I learned to turn my back on people who insisted on placing a low value on me: "Girl, what you need to do is take a Dog Grooming course and stay at home with some babies." and "Who do you think you ARE, talkin' about goin' off to a 4-year College? You ain't goin ta NO college! You ain't nothin' but a ugly little Skag, an' you ain't never goin' nowhere but the Crazy House."(the latter quote from my Mom in what, by her standards, was a sober and lucid moment).
Wow. By the way, did I mention to you that my mom is a dog groomer?
For now, consider this mental exercise regarding the Mom who threw you out: Imagine one of those messy old Ledgers. You're writing the last words with an old Quill Pen. There. End of story. Account CLOSED. You dust on some Blotter Sand, and brush it off. You close the clunky, loosely-bound collection of pages, wrap it in brown paper, tie it with twine, and put it on a high shelf, in a forgotten corner. Later, when you can afford it, MAYBE, you'll take that package off the shelf, and send it off to have the pages trimmed and gilded...and a nice embossed leather binding made. MAYBE...if you have the time. But for years and years, it's not on your list of things to do...or on your list of things to think about.
You have a life to build; a career to develop; a boyfriend who loves you; and a new Mom who does, too.
I don't know why, but I felt compelled to add here "and also so she had no reason to play the victim." My mom tends to play the victim - a lot.
For Mom's house, I did not want contact with her to pollute or infect the people who mattered in my life. So, instead of my own Decorator, I called a much-published Interior Designer who lived in our little gated enclave. She and her husband were the jokes of our town. Textbook Narcissists, with an obnoxious kid, and an obnoxious Dog, that they used, predictably, for committing Aggression by Proxy. I figured she and Mom deserved each other (and that Designer's name on the realtor's description would be valuable, come resale time...which it proved to be, since I made a little bit on the place, when Mom died...plus, the fact that it was published puts a bit of polish on a a life-ending crafted for the benefit of 'Posterity'.).
You do get that I'm saying you owe the mom who threw you out NOTHING, and that anything you do from now on should be for the benefit of yourself and those you love.
Agreed.
Dogs seem a recurring motif here, and naturally Miss Narci Designer used hers as a way of putting-down employees of their design firm (letting her pets run around soiling the workstations of employees was a fave ploy). Her Assistant was a very nice girl, who outranked her boss, socially (better Sorority, better family, better manners...). Well, through the grapevine I hear that the Assistant had formally requested a rather modest $200.00 monthly raise; presenting a well-thought-out breakdown of her living expenses: this after years of service. She was turned down with considerable rudeness and derision. Later that afternoon, Narci Designer plops down a catalogue with a $400.00 DOG BED, for her personal precious pooch, and tells the Assistant to order it. This, not two hours after a snippy, "I'm sorry: but the firm is unable to give you a $200.00 raise at this time."
If I were that woman, I would have started looking for a new job. How disrespectful and belittling.
This sort of thing is done by people like that all the time. You are SO not alone in having someone try to place your value at below that of a Dog.
I can tell you are very well educated by the way that you talk. Your advice and opinions are comforting to me because I think you really know where I am coming from. I may allow my mom back into my life eventually. Like you said, I am focusing on me first.
I'm 26 by the way, she kicked me out at 16. I wish I could go back and be 16 again knowing what I know now. I did try to go to college after high school, but I didn't have a lot of money. I tried to get financial aid, but the adviser told me I would have to use my parents income unless I was 25 or had kids and I was not 25 nor did I have kids at that time. I did call my mom just to see if she would, all I needed was her information, but she refused. Knowing what I know now, I would have gotten emancipated so I would have been considered independent, but the thought didn't occur to me at the time. Live and learn I guess. I did an online course in medical transcription instead, which I do earn considerably decent money. When my kids are both in school though, I plan on going to college and getting a better career. Still undecided on what exactly.
It's pretty sad that I have not yet moved on from my parent issues. I sort of locked my feelings away until a certain incident triggered them again. I think for the longest time I didn't really accept what I went through as a kid to be abnormal until I had kids of my own. I can't even imagine letting a dog attack them or belittle them in any way. Because my kids are so precious to me, I started to wonder why I wasn't as important to my own mom (or dad). But as the saying goes, "it could always be worse." There are much worse parents out there and I should consider myself lucky.
I going to look into narcissistic personality disorder some more. Maybe if I can understand it better, I might be more willing to accept my mom for who she is. She isn't going to change anytime soon. It all still bothers me but at the same time it's kinda fascinating. Maybe I should be a psychiatrist, lol.
It was nice reading another one of your posts. Thanks for sharing your advice and story. I appreciate it.
Interesting, we must have similar Mother's...mine did basically the same thing, but I was 13. And she is a cat hoarder.
I have a relationship with my Mother, but it is superficial, and I don't bring up the past. I am over it, so why go there? Just live in the here and now, it is much healthier.
Keeping a grudge, is worse on you, than just letting it go.
It is up to you, but I have a relationship with my Mother...and even though she is crazy, she is family, you can't pick your family...and I still value that you have to attempt a relationship with people...
Good for you for being strong enough to keep a relationship with your mother. You are stronger than me. I do think keeping a grudge is not healthy, this is good advice.
While not exactly the same type of situation, I won't go into the graphic details of what had transpired to this point, only say it had nothing to do with being a rebellious teenager or anything like that. But I got a 'my way or the highway' ultimatem so I took the highway and I remember walking out the door and he stood there and said, 'Don't even think about coming back if you go.' I waved and I never went back, in fact, some 10 years later I ended up in a position to fire him from his job. I had to and it wasn't out of spite by me. Again, I'll hold back the details.
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. I'm not talking to my mom for the time being. I did tell my dad that I would rather get to know HIM first before getting to know his son and wife. I offered a chance to meet in person - alone - wherever and whenever he would like. Still waiting for a reply. 
