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Of course that is YOUR side of the story, it will be helpfull to know your mother reasons, because maybe you don't realize you deserve this.
But your mom is not writing here, so you want us to assume you are good and your mom evil...
A 16 year old girl shouldn't be just kicked out to fend for herself and try to find someone - to take her in. The mother may have had "reasons" but there aren't reasons good enough to just leave a young girl to her own devices - or whoever else's.
Good for you for being strong enough to keep a relationship with your mother. You are stronger than me. I do think keeping a grudge is not healthy, this is good advice.
You should talk to your mother if it benefits you in some way - but if it just digs up bad memories, or makes you feel bad in any way then don't.
Sometimes people have to find closure of some kind - so talk to her if you have something to come to grips with but otherwise don't expect anything from her. I don't think you should talk to her hoping to find the mother you never had, in some cases it's best to just move on and leave certain kinds of people behind you.
My 13 year old nephew was kicked out by his mother. She was gay and all about her relationships, a drama queen who didn't want to work, was looking for another woman to support her, and then would cheat on, lie to, and steal from whomever she was in a relationship with. When my nephew was 13, his mom (my DH's sister) had been kicked out by still another girlfriend, and while the girlfriend was at work, SIL packed up the ENTIRE house (her GF had antiques handed down thru her family) and loaded them n a truck. When the GF came home, she called the cops, the cops arrested my SIL and my nephew. My SIL said that my nephew had loaded all of her girlfriend's items in the truck, and HE was the one who belonged in jail, NOT HER. At 13 he spent 2 months in jail awaiting his trial. My SIL - in a new relationship - never went to see him. Fortunately the kid got an attorney appointed for him and the attorney saw and exposed the truth in court. We got custody of him then. He couldn't understand that his mom didn't want him, had always used him, and always told everyone she loved him while neglecting and using him shamelessly. He couldn't understand that she didn't love anyone but herself. It took a long time to help that kid; he was cutting school, doing drugs, drinking, anything he could to get us to kick him out and make his mother see that he needed her. She ignored him and couldn't've cared less.
So the poor kid moves out and moves in with his grandparents. His grandmother was another drama queen (ran in the family) who despised him, but his PawPaw (like my husband, his son) loved him and tried to help him too. The kid finally graduated and went on to get a job in construction on the Navy base. He called us frequently to tell us how he was doing. One night he called me to tell me what had changed his life. "Right after high school, I was working in a restaurant. I was standing there washing dishes, and I remember the day you picked me up when I cut school. You weren't screaming, you just said, "Do you want to wash dishes and be nothing and nobody the rest of your life, or do you want to have a real future?" I suddenly realized that you were right, that my life was not dependent on who my mother was, but on who I was. And right then, I made a change."
His mother still calls him to borow money or demand his attention, and he tells her, "I work for my money, you can work for yours." He 'loves' her as his mom but does not 'like' her as a person, and will not tolerate her nor her drama nor her girlfriends' dramas. He drew a line and will not cross it and will not let her cross it, either. He is his own person, and does not depend on her to create him, complete him, or love him. It is hard to do and he went thru a lot to get to that place. But no child deserves a parent who treats them as a pawn or a toy, and not as a responsibility to raise up to become a cognizant adult. I hope that the children of abusive or neglectful parents realize that they have a choice - to chase after love and attention that they will never receive, or to decide that they are not that way and don't have to be that way, don't have to play those games by their rules, or play them at all. It is a choice to be a functioning, responsible adult - and some never make that choice.
This is true, I'm glad you pointed this out because that is a good point.
I think there is a hint of mental illness in this situation. My mother's mother was also 'crazy'. Huntington's disease runs in the family. My Grandpa had it, my aunt had it, and I don't really know if my grandma has it, but she is definitely mentally ill to some level. She has more schizophrenic symptoms in my opinion. She is just plain mean. Vicious. She finds something wrong in every aspect of life. Negativity is unbelievable. Goes OFF on you for NO reason. Nobody can deal with her. My mom, though, she has that obsession with dogs/animals. She also, I've noticed, seems to live in her own world and tends to remember things differently to make her 'situation' better. It is extremely difficult to explain this and understand what I'm talking about if you are not around it. How do you deal with someone like that? It's just an awkward and confusing. This is what keeps me wondering if I should or shouldn't be a part of her life and just 'deal' with it. I mentioned this to my bf, that maybe the way she is the way she is is because of HER mother. He disagrees with me saying that is no excuse because my mom was like that to me and I'M not like her, so it's just really, really mind boggling to think about all this.
Like I said there are many many details I have not posted on here. I could go on and on.
Seems though that the main question might need to be how do you deal with mentally ill people, abusive people?
Definately talk to a physician or therapist about your family medical and mental health history at some point when you can. It may help you to understand them without making anyone right or wrong in order to come to terms with the situation, mentally sort it all out and decide if you want them in your life in the future. Getting some feedback is good, but ultimately its a very personal decision only you can make.
Your Dad may be in a different place now mentally than when he was younger and faced with his own guilt. Telling you about all the wonderful things he provides his son, is only reassurance for himself hes okay.
Having had a mother with mental health issues, I can tell you you'll never have the relationship you'd like to, she'll never see any error on her part, she either doesn't want to or can't. And simply because you're of normal mind and weathered the storm doesn't mean your mothers not a product of her parents and without issues, its still not an excuse for leaving you an eviction notice on the front door with no place to live.
You're a survivor and have much to be proud of.
I'll be wishing you and your family all the best.
My 13 year old nephew was kicked out by his mother. She was gay and all about her relationships, a drama queen who didn't want to work, was looking for another woman to support her, and then would cheat on, lie to, and steal from whomever she was in a relationship with. When my nephew was 13, his mom (my DH's sister) had been kicked out by still another girlfriend, and while the girlfriend was at work, SIL packed up the ENTIRE house (her GF had antiques handed down thru her family) and loaded them n a truck. When the GF came home, she called the cops, the cops arrested my SIL and my nephew. My SIL said that my nephew had loaded all of her girlfriend's items in the truck, and HE was the one who belonged in jail, NOT HER. At 13 he spent 2 months in jail awaiting his trial. My SIL - in a new relationship - never went to see him. Fortunately the kid got an attorney appointed for him and the attorney saw and exposed the truth in court. We got custody of him then. He couldn't understand that his mom didn't want him, had always used him, and always told everyone she loved him while neglecting and using him shamelessly. He couldn't understand that she didn't love anyone but herself. It took a long time to help that kid; he was cutting school, doing drugs, drinking, anything he could to get us to kick him out and make his mother see that he needed her. She ignored him and couldn't've cared less.
So the poor kid moves out and moves in with his grandparents. His grandmother was another drama queen (ran in the family) who despised him, but his PawPaw (like my husband, his son) loved him and tried to help him too. The kid finally graduated and went on to get a job in construction on the Navy base. He called us frequently to tell us how he was doing. One night he called me to tell me what had changed his life. "Right after high school, I was working in a restaurant. I was standing there washing dishes, and I remember the day you picked me up when I cut school. You weren't screaming, you just said, "Do you want to wash dishes and be nothing and nobody the rest of your life, or do you want to have a real future?" I suddenly realized that you were right, that my life was not dependent on who my mother was, but on who I was. And right then, I made a change."
His mother still calls him to borow money or demand his attention, and he tells her, "I work for my money, you can work for yours." He 'loves' her as his mom but does not 'like' her as a person, and will not tolerate her nor her drama nor her girlfriends' dramas. He drew a line and will not cross it and will not let her cross it, either. He is his own person, and does not depend on her to create him, complete him, or love him. It is hard to do and he went thru a lot to get to that place. But no child deserves a parent who treats them as a pawn or a toy, and not as a responsibility to raise up to become a cognizant adult. I hope that the children of abusive or neglectful parents realize that they have a choice - to chase after love and attention that they will never receive, or to decide that they are not that way and don't have to be that way, don't have to play those games by their rules, or play them at all. It is a choice to be a functioning, responsible adult - and some never make that choice.
Thank you for sharing this story. You are a wonderful person for being there for that boy when he needed someone the most. Truly a wonderful person.
Definately talk to a physician or therapist about your family medical and mental health history at some point when you can. It may help you to understand them without making anyone right or wrong in order to come to terms with the situation, mentally sort it all out and decide if you want them in your life in the future. Getting some feedback is good, but ultimately its a very personal decision only you can make.
Your Dad may be in a different place now mentally than when he was younger and faced with his own guilt. Telling you about all the wonderful things he provides his son, is only reassurance for himself hes okay.
Having had a mother with mental health issues, I can tell you you'll never have the relationship you'd like to, she'll never see any error on her part, she either doesn't want to or can't. And simply because you're of normal mind and weathered the storm doesn't mean your mothers not a product of her parents and without issues, its still not an excuse for leaving you an eviction notice on the front door with no place to live.
You're a survivor and have much to be proud of.
I'll be wishing you and your family all the best.
is it legal to kick at CHILD out at 16 yrs of age?
I don't think so. I also don't think letting your pet dog attack your child is legal either. I know I could never do it to one of my children. If I would have known better at the time, I would have called the police. Honestly, I thought she would come get me and bring me back home right after it happened and say she made a mistake and everything would be fine. BUT, that wasn't the case.
is it legal to kick at CHILD out at 16 yrs of age?
I don't know how the laws vary from state to state, but I'll assume if they're still in high school and under age 18, parents are accountable unless emancipated by the court or ward of the state.
In some states, a parent can file for a child to be adjudged "beyond parental control" and testify that the child is incorrigible. The parent then has no legal obligation to support or have the child under their roof; can even have him/her arrested for tresspassing if they show up on the property. Usually this is only supposed to be done if the child has an excessively violent or criminal history, is done just before the child is taken, not merely to jail but to prison, but some judges, lawyers, and members of the LE community can say the right things and file the right paperwork. Usually the child does not know that they have rights at all, and has no money to hire an attorney or seek protection once the wheels are in motion. Often, too, the child is more than ready to get away from their parents, or has already left in every way except official paper.
Parents who want to dump their kids can usually find a way. When Nebraska made that law about not prosecuting parents who leave their children at hospitals, police and fire stations, etc, and forgot to put in an age limit, parents were coming for hundreds of miles to drop off toddlers, elementary school-age kids, and even teens, until the Legislature fixed it!
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