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Old 10-22-2012, 03:05 PM
 
2,143 posts, read 3,556,728 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exscapegoat View Post
Again, doesn't she have any responsibility for the break up by not wanting to do a LDR? I'm not saying she should move or do an LDR. But if the one half of a couple does't want to do either, then that person is just as responsible for the break up. I get the sense you're attributing the break up primarily to your friend, when his girlfriend is at least equally responsible for it. Or have I misread this?

As for the area, did he apply to those schools/get accepted? If accepted, did he get the same Financial Aid package? Is the job market for his field better in the city where he's going to? In that case, it may be better for internships which could lead to a job. Is it a city he's always wanted to live in? Again, having to live in different cities isn't that unusual in one's 20s. Education, military service and other job relocations often mean people live in different cities for awhile. There are even married couples who live apart for months or years at a time. It's not ideal, but people make it work if they both really want to be together as a couple.

Grad school for business is what, 2 years? In their early 20s, they'd still have plenty of time to marry after he finishes if that's what they both wanted. Children, if that's what they both wanted, would still be possible. Now, there are good reasons she may not have wanted to have a LDR. That's perfectly ok, but she also broke up the relationship.
I'm just looking out for my boy, but I do think both are kinda at fault here. He hasn't applied anywhere yet, which is why me and some of the other fellas are a little bit confused. It'd be one thing if everything was squared away, he knew where he was going, etc, etc, but it's sorta like he took a preemptive measure to make sure he ends it now, even though he has no guarantee that he might get accepted into some of the schools.
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:19 PM
 
676 posts, read 1,052,182 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DomRep View Post
I'm just looking out for my boy, but I do think both are kinda at fault here. He hasn't applied anywhere yet, which is why me and some of the other fellas are a little bit confused. It'd be one thing if everything was squared away, he knew where he was going, etc, etc, but it's sorta like he took a preemptive measure to make sure he ends it now, even though he has no guarantee that he might get accepted into some of the schools.
Hmm, if I were potentially going to follow a dream or a goal and the guy in question (I'm straight & female) made it clear that he 1) didn't want to move and 2) didn't want to do the LDR thing, I'd take it that he wasn't that interested in me and the relationship. And once you get to that stage, what's the point in staying together? It wouldn't make either one of us bad people, but I would think it wasn't meant to be.

Even if your friend ended up staying in the same city, he'd know that in the back of his mind. I think that would make it hard to keep a serious, long term relationship going. If your friend's girlfriend's made it clear that she only wants to be together when they're in the same city and it's convenient, he may want a more sustantial relationship. Or he may want to play the field.
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:42 PM
 
2,681 posts, read 6,260,904 times
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Default well...

I had a LTR during graduation from HS. 9 months later I was given the opportunity to relocate out of state and start a career. GF and I discussed it and decided it was for my better good...afte a good swift kick in the ass from her mother. She followed me 6 months later, to play house and see what we thought... well...it was a good thing because it was good for me but not for her...still friends though.
Koale
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Old 10-23-2012, 11:03 AM
 
Location: Asheville NC
1,601 posts, read 1,311,930 times
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Default No

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
Because what he wants is most important and what she wants is only secondary. He's the boss, she's the support staff.

He may be your buddy, but he sounds like a tool.
He is a young intelligent man, who has an opportunity to continue his education. She is stuck in the "me now" syndrome, not thinking about the future. He is smart to break it off. A couple that young should work together to build a life that was the best for both. He can do better.
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Old 10-23-2012, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Asheville NC
1,601 posts, read 1,311,930 times
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Default What would she be giving up

Quote:
Originally Posted by helloimage View Post
Women who give up everything for the man can bring emptiness to her in the long run. The man moves up in his career, gets his dream job and leave the wife/partner behind! I rather have a satisfying relationship than amazing career, but I am probably much older than your friend and I have much experience. I've been in two very long-term relationships! I need freedom in my relationships, so I like to keep my old apartment and have never lived with a man full-time and don't plan on it. Is that wierd? LOL, I am for sure a minority in that sense. I think your friend will find the right girl one day or he may regret it. That is the lesson he will learn one day. But if he is inlove he will move the stars and the earth to be with her somehow! Compromise is the truest expression of love. They will learn that one day. Maybe not from each other. Good luck.
What is her job, and her degree?? Couldn't she find a similar position near his new University. They could even move back to where she wants to live after he finishes. It seems to me, she is the selfish one.
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:51 AM
 
2,094 posts, read 3,053,552 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DomRep View Post
I couldn't put together a correct title, I may change it later. Background story, a good friend of mine, one I consider a brother of mine, met this girl last year. They have been dating a year, they have taken a trip to Hawaii, my boy met her parents and spent a lot of time with them. They were both in love with each other.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, he does extremely well (98th percentile or something) on his GMAT, and he wants to go away to business school. Long story short, she doesn't want move away with him, while he feels like he needs to move forward with his life, thinking big picture, thinking that in the long run, they will be better off based on the decision or decisions he is making. I guess she didn't see it that way, she kept talking about (and who wouldn't, it's something that will arguably change their lives) and he broke it off with her. His reasoning is that he needs someone that can keep up with him, and I think that maybe he felt she was holding him down.

Either way...I consider this guy a great friend of mine, I kinda want to pick his brain to see where his head is at. I support him, but at the same time, I wonder if he might regret it later. He wanted to do the long distance relationship thing, but she didn't want to try it. IDK, I don't want to get involved, it's the last thing I want to do, but there's two great business schools in the area, he could have stayed local, kept his job, kept his girlfriend....

Curious to hear the boards thoughts on this. I am in a similar boat with my girlfriend. I barely see her during the week b/c we both work and she goes to grad school. Short term it hurts, but I see the big picture, and maybe my boy's girlfriend didn't see it that way. Who knows...

Edit: Thinking about it a little more, it looks like he chose his career over his girlfriend. Whether that's right or wrong, it's subjective IMO. He seems to be holding up.

So they have been dating for a year? Not engaged? Not living together? Yes,it is fair.
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,035,706 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DomRep View Post
I'm just looking out for my boy, but I do think both are kinda at fault here. He hasn't applied anywhere yet, which is why me and some of the other fellas are a little bit confused. It'd be one thing if everything was squared away, he knew where he was going, etc, etc, but it's sorta like he took a preemptive measure to make sure he ends it now, even though he has no guarantee that he might get accepted into some of the schools.
Statements like this one ^^^ are what leads me to believe that he was simply looking to end the relationship, anyway. The guy hasn't even applied to, much less been accepted in to, a distant school. He brought it up.....she let him know that she wasn't interested in a LDR or in moving....so he broke up with her. Yeah, kind of early, isn't it...since he hasn't even applied to one of those schools.

Yeah.....looks like someone was simply interested in moving on and used this as an excuse to do so.
"Why did you break up?" "Well, I was thinking about going to school out of the area. I haven't made any moves to make that happen, but she doesn't want to move and doesn't want to date someone who doesn't live near her....so I broke up with her."

Yeah....good for her!
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,627 posts, read 33,408,180 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DomRep View Post
Thing is though we live in the DC area, and we've got two or three universities with great business schools. IDK, he's my boy and I support him but I felt like he made a rash decision. All the other guys were surprised by it as well, it was quick and sudden.
I think if your boy has a chance to get premier business school on his resume, he should take the opportunity if he is willing to make the sacrifices. I personally would do the same thing he did in a heartbeat. You don't get too many opportunities to distinguish yourself from the crowd where I'm from and you should not let a girlfriend (who obviously he was not really invested in) hold you back. He made his stance clear, she did not want to go, he decided that he could not deal with a LDR or stay and get held back, I think the fair thing was done here.
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Old 11-05-2012, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,469,292 times
Reputation: 8776
Quote:
Originally Posted by nowitsshowtime View Post
imo, nothing is worth more than having someone you truly care about. You could be poor or rich and be happy if you have someone that means the world to you. But you can't be poor or rich and be happy if you have no one that means anything to you. Unless of course your own self means more than anything else in the world. But not many are complete narcissist.
I respectfully disagree.
Before you even think of having a lifelong partner you have to take care of business, and that is having a solid education and a good job.
There are people all around you, always. If your current relationship is really 'meant' for you two, you will manage to be together when you are financially secure.

Women look for 'the right one' when it comes to marriage, but men look for 'the right time'.

I think too many people (mostly women) have given up their aspirations in life for a partner and then gotten the shaft. That is one side of the story. The other is that too many people shirk the responsibility for their own lives, taking the easier way out, letting their partner get the education and take on the demanding jobs, and then complain later of how they sacrificed.

Youth should be spent in preparation for the rest of life and having a little fun from time to time. You don't make commitments until you are financially ready. It is not fair to either party. Life is not some romance novel and divorces are far too common.
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Old 07-31-2018, 12:19 AM
 
1 posts, read 302 times
Reputation: 10
Writing as one of the girls who have been left this way... the boy (that's not a man) made his decision without her in mind at all. He already knew what he wanted and since she wanted to stay near family and not move he tantrummed and left. I'm glad she wasn't pregnant! He probably cried a month tops and began noticing other women. She, undoubtedly by experience, still wonders how he could let their potential go that way- but that's just the fact. He didn't reciprocate what she felt, which was evident in his actions.
When you truly love someone, they become more than an option for you. When you love someone you put them first. Both doing that makes a positive relationship. In her defense if he could up and leave for knowledge he could have gotten through online courses, then she felt more for him than he did her.
I waited ten years for mine to even visit and the first year he had already started a new family. Don't believe Anyone who says they loved someone yet Could (and chose to) go daily without their heart suffering away from who they 'love'.


Love is compromise, and his reason was school/work... opportunities are Everywhere, he could have stayed and they gradually move together once she was feeling more grounded in the relationship ... which was probably rocky since he Could leave.
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