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This was a big problem for me a few years back. Seeing people post their accomplishments (just got engaged/married, new job, new car, vacation, new house, etc) was making my depression and anxiety worse. I wasn't happy with the career choice I had made at the time, and going on Facebook seeing everyone "living their best life" would get me depressed, mad, sad, etc. So I toned down how often I go on there and how much I post, and still do to this day. Now I live a much happier life, with a career that I love. I still yearn for more friends, but I have two good friends I can rely on. I have continued to pull back on how much I interact with Facebook, because the drama from social media was just getting to be too much for me mental health.
Not only that, but I also got smacked in the face with some well needed common sense. People are only going to post the good/positive things in their life on social media. It gets to be so excessive that you begin to think these people live perfect lives; the kind that you'd only see on TV. But then you remember that those same people are just like you. They have their own set of problems and drama. For every "awesome post," they are stressing about something, or many things going on in their life. Suddenly, you remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
I agree with everything you say.
Also, what makes me happy and what I do might not excite someone else. I get excited over very small things. So why bother. I've got 2 or 3 people I interact with (through texting) and that's enough. Not interested in trying to advertise and publishing what I'm doing to the guy that lived down the block I haven't seen in 20 years.
About the mailbox thing...
It's interesting that you mention this, as these days i feel that getting my mail is a 'vulnerable' spot for me. The other vulnerable spot is when i get home from work and i'm getting out of my car.
I feel sorry for you on this. Don't be surprised if something goes wrong at your house and your neighbors could care less. Your friends on Facebook will be of no help when one of the neighbors dogs is about to take your leg off.
I can understand avoiding people in parking lots. But it's important to be nice to people that live right beside you.
Also, what makes me happy and what I do might not excite someone else. I get excited over very small things. So why bother. I've got 2 or 3 people I interact with (through texting) and that's enough. Not interested in trying to advertise and publishing what I'm doing to the guy that lived down the block I haven't seen in 20 years.
Thank you! And I know exactly what you mean. I have always been one to find pleasure or joy in the simplest things. Yet I have constantly been made fun of for that. Why? Why does my happiness bother you so much? The last 5 years have really opened my eyes. 2015 was when I began to notice "the group" (friends from high school), began to start fading out. I also became a homebody that year, but snapped out of it when I began to start feeling lonely all the time. I began to reconnect with some other friends but those relationships died off as well. I struggled with dealing with the fact that this is life; we get older and things change. People get married, have kids, move, etc.
I have finally accepted this and I know it's OK. I have 2 friends, and I see one of them once a week. The other one I see once or twice a month. And I keep in touch with them regularly through text. That's good enough for me. I have my dog, a handful of shows, video games, the gym,and plenty of other hobbies to keep me busy.
Couldn't agree more! It's not just our imagination. The other day I was at Starbucks and the place was virtually empty at 8 a.m. They were doing lots of business---drive through and pick up (there were like 10 drinks waiting for people to come in and pick them up---and everyone who did so grabbed their drink and left). Ten years ago there would have been 15 to 20 people hanging out enjoying their beverage for at least 30 minutes or for some, a couple of hours. I met many people just hanging out there. People did bring laptops, mostly for work stuff, and were happy to look away from it for a few minutes. Not so with phones. Starbucks used to model their business on being a "third place" after home and work, but now they have designed it to just go through drive through or walk in and grab a drink that was texted in and go (no more comfortable chairs!). I don't know whether Starbucks is just following their customers' leads in not wanting to sit and linger and make eye contact or talk to someone else---or whether Starbucks is partly responsible for this change.
Waiting in line for yoga class no one talks to anyone---each person is just playing on their phone. When class is over, people are back on their phones and there is no interaction.
Meetup groups are much less active. People used to not want to eat alone---but now you can share a virtual meal with friends or family across the globe, Facetiming or Skying as you eat! Even the outdoor groups don't seem as active.
There used to be friendship-matching sites, mostly for women, but these are largely defunct.
Yesterday I was at a restaurant and saw a father and teenage daughter eating their meal never looking or talking to each other, just holding and scrolling their phone.
I live in a small (72 homes) condo development marketed to people over 55. As a new neighborhood, people were friendly and wanted to interact informally and through planned social activities. Now as neighbors have moved out/died and new ones moved in, I don't know any of the new nighbors!
I'm not saying people aren't interacting with anyone else. I realize that texting is a type of interaction. It's not one that I care for (e-mail was great for me, but texting just isn't satisfying) but it seems to work for the majority of people. Possibly technology has enabled people to get closer to a few select friends and family who they are always texting with---but it has taken away from getting to interact with new people or acquaintances.
Interesting you say that about Starbucks and the like. One thing I have noticed a while before it got to this point is that a lot of employees in establishments tend to rush customers out in my area. I've been to many places like Starbucks where it is just get your stuff and go. If they notice you lingering a bit, they get a little annoyed. I wouldn't be surprised if customers just got tired of being ran out by grouchy employees. Some places have even established the 30 minute limit (Not talking about regular grocery stores, I'm talking about Starbucks and similar establishments).
I myself only order take out when I go places like restaurants.
The only place this doesn't happen is in Fashion Malls.
Thank you! And I know exactly what you mean. I have always been one to find pleasure or joy in the simplest things. Yet I have constantly been made fun of for that. Why? Why does my happiness bother you so much? The last 5 years have really opened my eyes. 2015 was when I began to notice "the group" (friends from high school), began to start fading out. I also became a homebody that year, but snapped out of it when I began to start feeling lonely all the time. I began to reconnect with some other friends but those relationships died off as well. I struggled with dealing with the fact that this is life; we get older and things change. People get married, have kids, move, etc.
I have finally accepted this and I know it's OK. I have 2 friends, and I see one of them once a week. The other one I see once or twice a month. And I keep in touch with them regularly through text. That's good enough for me. I have my dog, a handful of shows, video games, the gym,and plenty of other hobbies to keep me busy.
Those people who have issues with your happiness, good riddance with them. I just see it as envy on their part. They are not happy with their lives so they don't want to see you happy. People are such hateful busy bodies these days.
Well, yesterday I found out I have 2 people locally I can trust. My next door neighbor and I are becoming friends, and yesterday she gave me some wine (her hobby in retirement is wine making) and also offered to take care of my cat when I go on vacation. I was scrambling to find someone after the house sitter I had agreed to hire backed out. I also have a new buddy who offered to stay at my house. I trust him, so now it's turned out even better. I have 2 people I can trust to help me out. That only took 7 years of living here, lol.
Those people who have issues with your happiness, good riddance with them. I just see it as envy on their part. They are not happy with their lives so they don't want to see you happy. People are such hateful busy bodies these days.
Amen! I don't need people like that in my life. No one should be made fun of for something that brings them joy.
Well, yesterday I found out I have 2 people locally I can trust. My next door neighbor and I are becoming friends, and yesterday she gave me some wine (her hobby in retirement is wine making) and also offered to take care of my cat when I go on vacation. I was scrambling to find someone after the house sitter I had agreed to hire backed out. I also have a new buddy who offered to stay at my house. I trust him, so now it's turned out even better. I have 2 people I can trust to help me out. That only took 7 years of living here, lol.
That awesome man, happy for you! I know you've been dealing with this for quite some time, so to hear you tell us this makes me happy to know that things are finally working out for you. Best of luck; have a glass of wine for me!
That awesome man, happy for you! I know you've been dealing with this for quite some time, so to hear you tell us this makes me happy to know that things are finally working out for you. Best of luck; have a glass of wine for me!
Thanks, it has been a slog for sure. I'm still wanting to move, but trying to make the best of a bad personal life situation. I guess the good news is I've stopped trying so hard. Maybe I finally care a little less. I'll have several glasses of wine! Side note: my neighbor makes sweet wine, which I'm not a fan of, so its been hard to tell her I don't like them. But the last one she gave me a couple of days ago is pretty darn good!
Well, yesterday I found out I have 2 people locally I can trust. My next door neighbor and I are becoming friends, and yesterday she gave me some wine (her hobby in retirement is wine making) and also offered to take care of my cat when I go on vacation. I was scrambling to find someone after the house sitter I had agreed to hire backed out. I also have a new buddy who offered to stay at my house. I trust him, so now it's turned out even better. I have 2 people I can trust to help me out. That only took 7 years of living here, lol.
Good news there, Atlguy. Keep at it.
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