Getting harder and harder to make friends these days (girlfriend, female, male)
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Well, if I am stuck living in the U.S., I will likely move back to Atlanta, which is my hometown. But there's no guarantee that I'd be able to make new friends there in my 60's. I don't know. Maybe thats why retirees move to retirement communities in Florida. I can't really think of a specific state that is friendly to newcomers, I just know Oklahoma is not (though it pretends to be). I would never move to the northwest. Not my scene and very expensive.
Well, if I am stuck living in the U.S., I will likely move back to Atlanta, which is my hometown. But there's no guarantee that I'd be able to make new friends there in my 60's. I don't know. Maybe thats why retirees move to retirement communities in Florida. I can't really think of a specific state that is friendly to newcomers, I just know Oklahoma is not (though it pretends to be). I would never move to the northwest. Not my scene and very expensive.
There really aren't any states to move to. As far as FL goes, my late parents did that, moved from NY to FL. They made some "fast friends" early on, but as time went on and health issues started to occur they were no where to be seen. My dad even said years later it was a mistake to leave NY.
You make acquaintances not real friends, people to go out to dinner with(separate checks of course) and the movies, the minute someone starts to get ill those "friends" are in the wind for the most part.
Americans have become very insular, having spent a lot of time in Ireland and the UK I notice the difference. Even American tourists are very guarded and unfriendly compared to people from other parts of the world.
I lived in the PNW after living in CA most of my adult life. I lasted 2 years, people were polite but not friendly it is known as the "freeze", I ended up moving back to CA where I had family and longtime friends.
I think what you get past a certain age in America, it's really not possible to make real friends. I also find these days it's just too much work.
There really aren't any states to move to. As far as FL goes, my late parents did that, moved from NY to FL. They made some "fast friends" early on, but as time went on and health issues started to occur they were no where to be seen. My dad even said years later it was a mistake to leave NY.
You make acquaintances not real friends, people to go out to dinner with(separate checks of course) and the movies, the minute someone starts to get ill those "friends" are in the wind for the most part.
Americans have become very insular, having spent a lot of time in Ireland and the UK I notice the difference. Even American tourists are very guarded and unfriendly compared to people from other parts of the world.
I lived in the PNW after living in CA most of my adult life. I lasted 2 years, people were polite but not friendly it is known as the "freeze", I ended up moving back to CA where I had family and longtime friends.
I think what you get past a certain age in America, it's really not possible to make real friends. I also find these days it's just too much work.
This doesn't bode well for the future, but you're right. Its frustrating for me because I've always been there for my friends. Shame its a one way street.
Thank you for all your comments. It makes me feel better to know I am not alone. I think it is even worse if you live in a rural area. (In isolated regions)There are no public hang out places where you have better chances to meet people and socialize. There are places in this country where there is ONLY a convenience store, a post office, a farm store and a small church or two. Some little places do not even have a pizza place. There may not be senior citizens places, or even a hospital to volunteer. So people from the more populated areas, really do not understand how isolation and loneliness feel. It is especially bad for older people who may not be able to get out so easy, or no longer drive. They just sit home and wait for a relative to make a quick stop in to deliver a few groceries. I know of a wealthy, nice lady in a neighboring community. All of her relatives lived far away and were just too busy spend time with her. She could have traveled anywhere in the world or went out and bought anything she wanted. She was very wealthy, but money does not buy everything. A few months after her husband died, she committed suicide. She just could not take it anymore.I think this is why so many people drink, do drugs or get addicted to stuff. Our society is just too busy to even care about anyone anymore. If I died tomorrow, no one would even miss me. But I still try to find some joy in life in little ways. And just hope that in the future, our world will slow down and people learn to appreciate the little things again. When I was a little girl back in the 1950s the stores were closed on Sundays, but that did not matter because we went to grammas house to visit or we went to the park and had a picinic. We usually invited other friends to come along and then we played cards, or went fishing, or went for a hike. I just sit here and cry and wish things used to be that way again. That nice old park from my childhood years, is now deserted and neglected and no one goes there anymore. The little town that was once there is also mostly gone. Only a few houses occupied and no longer a school or church or post office anymore. Sad. just sad. America from those Golden Years is no longer around anymore. most people do not even know who their neighbors are anymore. not even their last names.
Thank you for all your comments. It makes me feel better to know I am not alone. I think it is even worse if you live in a rural area. (In isolated regions)There are no public hang out places where you have better chances to meet people and socialize. There are places in this country where there is ONLY a convenience store, a post office, a farm store and a small church or two. Some little places do not even have a pizza place. There may not be senior citizens places, or even a hospital to volunteer. So people from the more populated areas, really do not understand how isolation and loneliness feel. It is especially bad for older people who may not be able to get out so easy, or no longer drive. They just sit home and wait for a relative to make a quick stop in to deliver a few groceries. I know of a wealthy, nice lady in a neighboring community. All of her relatives lived far away and were just too busy spend time with her. She could have traveled anywhere in the world or went out and bought anything she wanted. She was very wealthy, but money does not buy everything. A few months after her husband died, she committed suicide. She just could not take it anymore.I think this is why so many people drink, do drugs or get addicted to stuff. Our society is just too busy to even care about anyone anymore. If I died tomorrow, no one would even miss me. But I still try to find some joy in life in little ways. And just hope that in the future, our world will slow down and people learn to appreciate the little things again. When I was a little girl back in the 1950s the stores were closed on Sundays, but that did not matter because we went to grammas house to visit or we went to the park and had a picinic. We usually invited other friends to come along and then we played cards, or went fishing, or went for a hike. I just sit here and cry and wish things used to be that way again. That nice old park from my childhood years, is now deserted and neglected and no one goes there anymore. The little town that was once there is also mostly gone. Only a few houses occupied and no longer a school or church or post office anymore. Sad. just sad. America from those Golden Years is no longer around anymore. most people do not even know who their neighbors are anymore. not even their last names.
Read all your posts and could not agree with you more. More and more people of all ages isolate and seem so busy. I do agree with getting out of the house, even if it is just to interact casually. I have dogs that I walk in my neighborhood and in local parks and trails and that is primarily how I have made friends in my apartment complex. I also joined the "gig" culture by delivering food on one of those apps. I go to restaurants and interact with other drivers and merchants and customers. I see a lot of the same people over and over and we make small talk and exchange pleasantries. It keeps me physically active as well. Another place to hang out is your local library. You can sit and read magazines, browse the stacks, play on the computers, watch movies or listen to music. Go to a seniorcenter forunch or start a senior lunch group yourself. Every county has a senior center, some more active than others and some are looking for volunteers. They may have a phone support service for shut ins and you might be one to call others and reach out to ones who are truly isolated. I am struggling with all these things to after years of being married and then as an isolated caregiver the last 4 years before my SO passed. Times and culture are changing but I believe we all have the need for friends even if it is just caudal. You have to reach out and make connections which means get off social media all the time, put down that damn smart phone sometimes, and talk to people in your neighborhood, at work, church, dog parks, coffee shops, grocery stores, libraries, yard sales, bars, volunteer events, whatever.
I am in my late 50s and so I've lived through a different time when neighbors, co-workers, even family seemed to put a high value on friendships.
Now it seems no one has time for even casual, genuine conversation, much less making new friends.
Then you have to watch everything you say and how you say it so as not to ''offend'' the ''pc'' mindsets that dominate everything.
Forget joking and a sense of humor and joy in life. Those attitudes don't fit in anymore either. It's all so dull and serious now.
I've always found it easy to get to know people and make friends, but no more. It's become like ''work'' with little reciprocity, so I find myself withdrawing from others and just becoming more of a loner.
It's just gottten this way for me within the last ten years or so. I just find it all so discouraging.
My spouse and I sometimes say we feel like we live on another planet than the one we spent most of our lives on.
Do any of you feel this way?
Hello,
I'm really sorry you feel this way. I'm 19 and also find it very difficult to make new friends, it's true that the glorification of busy has reached a peak. It's almost like people take pride in the fact they're too busy for others. I completely agree with you regarding PC Culture, it really annoys me, I'm in college and mostly every person I meet gets offended by pretty much the tiniest thing. I feel like people are too sensitive and it prohibits the light-hearted aspect of communication sometimes. I often feel like when it comes to friendship I'm the only one who cares. I feel like I have to beg for other people's attention. Almost like they're doing me a favor by gracing me with their presence. It really bugs me. In general I feel like in the midst this great quest for social justice society has gotten much worse than it used to be.
To be fair, one of the possible reasons that it is "hard" to make friends is that you have some people who have been "burned" or betrayed by a person or people and it left such a bad taste in their mouth that they've had enough. There seems to be more people that try to get something from you under the pretense of being a friend as opposed to actually being a friend.
Then there is being "busy" which I agree has been glorified in some areas (I'll get to that later). One common thing I hear about is a person who works tirelessly with very minimal sleep and has built something big and successful. There is that dream of working away and slaving away for some prosperous future that may or may not happen. For people working towards these goals, social life does suffer. However, I can't say whether or not the success was worth it. Everything I have tried has failed, taken a nose dive. We also have people like narcissists, snobs, social anxiety, and other factors that can make socializing harder.
But I think in my area, people have felt the coldness of isolation, because a lot of people have put the smartphone down...except for whenever Pokemon Go has something happening. There are a lot of people begging for companionship. A lot of people I've talked to, their goals is to have a friend. That is their American Dream, now. Maybe things will turn around starting in my area.
Seems people have become quite anti social and not nice.......
They hardily reply to emails or texts for that matter..... They say they are busy but its all crap .... They are not any busier than they were 10 years ago!
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