Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Am I the only one who still has an easy time making friends?
I don't think I'm naturally talented at it. I'm pretty introverted, actually. You just have to look for people who share your interests --- or have some other reason to value you more than any other random person walking down the street --- and make a point of seeing them persistently so they remember you. It helps to add them on social media and interact with their posts a lot.
That doesn't sound like making real friends, more like acquaintances at best.
And you still have a wife and kid in your life, so really you are not alone at home like the widowed, divorced, or single. You also assume a lot that is incorrect. Many of us have acquaintances and jobs and hobbies and interests. I, for one, am an introvert who enjoys my solitude and is rarely ever bored or lonely. I had a 30 year marriage and my mate was also an introvert and we struck a nice balance of togetherness and alone time.
This topic is about how making a close friend is more difficult now and it is interesting how different age groups are responding and sharing their experiences.
One thing that hasn't been mentioned is how the social settings themselves are declining. People aren't going out to places as much. Church attendance is down, delivery instead of shopping out and interacting, dwindling social activities like nightclubs, bowling, dance clubs, golfing, outdoor sports like bicycling or hiking, bookstores, malls, etc. People aren't out and about like they used to be.
I travel through neighborhoods all the time at all hours doing deliveries and I can't tell you the last time I have seen anyone outside in their yards doing anything. Gardening, washing their car, grilling, just setting outside. Kids or adults. When I was a kid in the 60s or 70s neighbors interacted all the time. Not now.
I am a very outgoing person and the people in my neighborhood that I know is because I have dogs and walk them. We meet and chat and our dogs interact and that brings contact between us. But beyond that I encounter people at the mailboxes and if you speak to them most act like you are aiming a death ray at them and they skitter off quickly.
The exceptions are the old farts like me who will chat about the weather or their health conditions or the local sports teams. I thank God for those little bits of human contact. Some of us have even shared phone numbers and text a bit, checking up on each other.
Couldn't agree more! It's not just our imagination. The other day I was at Starbucks and the place was virtually empty at 8 a.m. They were doing lots of business---drive through and pick up (there were like 10 drinks waiting for people to come in and pick them up---and everyone who did so grabbed their drink and left). Ten years ago there would have been 15 to 20 people hanging out enjoying their beverage for at least 30 minutes or for some, a couple of hours. I met many people just hanging out there. People did bring laptops, mostly for work stuff, and were happy to look away from it for a few minutes. Not so with phones. Starbucks used to model their business on being a "third place" after home and work, but now they have designed it to just go through drive through or walk in and grab a drink that was texted in and go (no more comfortable chairs!). I don't know whether Starbucks is just following their customers' leads in not wanting to sit and linger and make eye contact or talk to someone else---or whether Starbucks is partly responsible for this change.
Waiting in line for yoga class no one talks to anyone---each person is just playing on their phone. When class is over, people are back on their phones and there is no interaction.
Meetup groups are much less active. People used to not want to eat alone---but now you can share a virtual meal with friends or family across the globe, Facetiming or Skying as you eat! Even the outdoor groups don't seem as active.
There used to be friendship-matching sites, mostly for women, but these are largely defunct.
Yesterday I was at a restaurant and saw a father and teenage daughter eating their meal never looking or talking to each other, just holding and scrolling their phone.
I live in a small (72 homes) condo development marketed to people over 55. As a new neighborhood, people were friendly and wanted to interact informally and through planned social activities. Now as neighbors have moved out/died and new ones moved in, I don't know any of the new nighbors!
I'm not saying people aren't interacting with anyone else. I realize that texting is a type of interaction. It's not one that I care for (e-mail was great for me, but texting just isn't satisfying) but it seems to work for the majority of people. Possibly technology has enabled people to get closer to a few select friends and family who they are always texting with---but it has taken away from getting to interact with new people or acquaintances.
I am a very outgoing person and the people in my neighborhood that I know is because I have dogs and walk them. We meet and chat and our dogs interact and that brings contact between us.
I'm in this same situation in my neighborhood. Thank goodness I have a dog.
Am I the only one who still has an easy time making friends?
It helps to add them on social media and interact with their posts a lot.
This is the problem, at least for me. I can't train myself to sit in my house or at a coffee shop and spend hours and hours reading about what other people are doing. Or posting about what I am doing. This is what my mother is doing and she is literally bored to tears and depressed all over the place because her family isn't having as much fun or doing as much as the Jones family she is watching and interacting with on social media.
So I just go it alone and hope that every now and then I will run into nice folks.
About the mailbox thing...
It's interesting that you mention this, as these days i feel that getting my mail is a 'vulnerable' spot for me. The other vulnerable spot is when i get home from work and i'm getting out of my car.
Usually, i'm a hurry. So if someone is walking up to me to talk to me, i often try to shoot them a vibe- not mean or unfriendly- but, 'i'm in a hurry' vibe.
It is very difficult. As i'm typing this, i realize that maybe i could do better. But by the same token a 15-20 minute conversation, at times, is something that i just don't have the free time for. And the other issue is that some people are starved and desperate for human interaction, so they can be very pushy about that 15-20 minute conversation that i don't have time for. And then i have to consider being rude, which i would rather not do.
It's a problem for a lot of people on a lot of levels.
About the mailbox thing...
It's interesting that you mention this, as these days i feel that getting my mail is a 'vulnerable' spot for me. The other vulnerable spot is when i get home from work and i'm getting out of my car.
Usually, i'm a hurry. So if someone is walking up to me to talk to me, i often try to shoot them a vibe- not mean or unfriendly- but, 'i'm in a hurry' vibe.
It is very difficult. As i'm typing this, i realize that maybe i could do better. But by the same token a 15-20 minute conversation, at times, is something that i just don't have the free time for. And the other issue is that some people are starved and desperate for human interaction, so they can be very pushy about that 15-20 minute conversation that i don't have time for. And then i have to consider being rude, which i would rather not do.
It's a problem for a lot of people on a lot of levels.
I get approached endlessly in parking lots either by bums or people wanting me to sign some type of petition or order Direct TV. I'm going to start being rude because I'm too nice. I'm sick of people only approaching because they want something from me. To hell with them! If I have to go through life alone, I'm going to be the "get off my lawn" guy. Nobody is genuine anymore and I'm done!
This is the problem, at least for me. I can't train myself to sit in my house or at a coffee shop and spend hours and hours reading about what other people are doing. Or posting about what I am doing. This is what my mother is doing and she is literally bored to tears and depressed all over the place because her family isn't having as much fun or doing as much as the Jones family she is watching and interacting with on social media.
So I just go it alone and hope that every now and then I will run into nice folks.
This was a big problem for me a few years back. Seeing people post their accomplishments (just got engaged/married, new job, new car, vacation, new house, etc) was making my depression and anxiety worse. I wasn't happy with the career choice I had made at the time, and going on Facebook seeing everyone "living their best life" would get me depressed, mad, sad, etc. So I toned down how often I go on there and how much I post, and still do to this day. Now I live a much happier life, with a career that I love. I still yearn for more friends, but I have two good friends I can rely on. I have continued to pull back on how much I interact with Facebook, because the drama from social media was just getting to be too much for me mental health.
Not only that, but I also got smacked in the face with some well needed common sense. People are only going to post the good/positive things in their life on social media. It gets to be so excessive that you begin to think these people live perfect lives; the kind that you'd only see on TV. But then you remember that those same people are just like you. They have their own set of problems and drama. For every "awesome post," they are stressing about something, or many things going on in their life. Suddenly, you remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Couldn't agree more! It's not just our imagination. The other day I was at Starbucks and the place was virtually empty at 8 a.m. They were doing lots of business---drive through and pick up (there were like 10 drinks waiting for people to come in and pick them up---and everyone who did so grabbed their drink and left). Ten years ago there would have been 15 to 20 people hanging out enjoying their beverage for at least 30 minutes or for some, a couple of hours. I met many people just hanging out there. People did bring laptops, mostly for work stuff, and were happy to look away from it for a few minutes. Not so with phones. Starbucks used to model their business on being a "third place" after home and work, but now they have designed it to just go through drive through or walk in and grab a drink that was texted in and go (no more comfortable chairs!). I don't know whether Starbucks is just following their customers' leads in not wanting to sit and linger and make eye contact or talk to someone else---or whether Starbucks is partly responsible for this change.
Waiting in line for yoga class no one talks to anyone---each person is just playing on their phone. When class is over, people are back on their phones and there is no interaction.
Meetup groups are much less active. People used to not want to eat alone---but now you can share a virtual meal with friends or family across the globe, Facetiming or Skying as you eat! Even the outdoor groups don't seem as active.
There used to be friendship-matching sites, mostly for women, but these are largely defunct.
Yesterday I was at a restaurant and saw a father and teenage daughter eating their meal never looking or talking to each other, just holding and scrolling their phone.
I live in a small (72 homes) condo development marketed to people over 55. As a new neighborhood, people were friendly and wanted to interact informally and through planned social activities. Now as neighbors have moved out/died and new ones moved in, I don't know any of the new nighbors!
I'm not saying people aren't interacting with anyone else. I realize that texting is a type of interaction. It's not one that I care for (e-mail was great for me, but texting just isn't satisfying) but it seems to work for the majority of people. Possibly technology has enabled people to get closer to a few select friends and family who they are always texting with---but it has taken away from getting to interact with new people or acquaintances.
This is endemic.
A few years back, a friend we hadn't seen in ages suggested we meet for lunch. He spent the whole time on his infernal device.
I realize these devices are both soothing and addictive, and I'm as guilty as anyone else, but...c'mon.
I hate to say this but I find a lot of this is financially driven. We live in a 55+ community where we have a lot of people moving from upper class areas in NJ, NY, VA, many who had high salaries and now high pensions along with their high SS. Many of them with high government pensions. They had homes that sold for the high 6 figures and come here for lower taxes and COL. I understand all that. But we are from rural western PA and even though we both have college degrees we never had really high paying jobs (low COL area) and our house sold for $150k, where it would have sold for 5-6X that much in the above mentioned area. We are doing fine but we don't have the wherewithal to go on cruises and expensive group trips and this is where a lot of the friendships are formed. I have tried to make friends (and thought I had, although now I realize they are merely acquaintances) but they always manage to find others with closer interests, so we are pushed away. Well, except when they want something, then they know where to call because we are always home! It hurts and I find I have become very defensive.....which doesn't help. I also have a couple health conditions which causes me to not be able to do physical things. We do participate in some things, but that is not where the friendships are formed.
And yes I agree about the phones as well. Everyone has to jump and grab their phone at the smallest tone, or take a photo of their food, etc. It's ridiculous.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
