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Totally agree. Its not only friendships, but dating. Dating is "casual" for everyone these days. Nobody is dating to find a spouse. Thats also depressing. But back to topic, it was so much easier to make friends (and also date) in the 80's and 90's. With all the technology advances with efficiency, the "too busy" excuse is just that, an excuse in most cases.
And people today seem to be taught to take offense at EVERYTHING, and they do, vociferously. Which was not the case when I was younger. It's tough to be friends with those who are ready to pounce on you for the most offhanded comments.
This is an excellent thread but sadly we can only talk about it (We cannot make it better)
It is GOOD though alot of us can see how things are now....
This is the second post I have seen in two days bemoaning this issue and yet, of course there is, we could start a thread for people that wanted to make friends and meet up in real life.
It does seem like a mass conspiracy. It is very hard to find places to meet people on line where you can also talk. When I was younger there used to be message boards on line where people went for the express purpose of meeting friends. It was so easy.
Now there are some sites but they are useless.. like there are two people on there and you can sign up and not hear from someone until 4 years later.
The problem is even if you stay in your hometown, by family and friends as one poster said, nothing remains the same. Friends move away, adult children locate to other states in search of jobs, and longtime friendships are affected by divorce or death. Nothing remains static.
My best enduring friendships were all made by my early 30s, mostly in college or at first jobs when you were young enough to often socialize after work and on weekends. The dynamic changes with kids and then friendships seem more situational, revolving around kids’ activities, playmates and schools.
I have actually reconnected with friends from years ago. You know it’s a true friend when it seems like no time at all has passed - you still have a strong connection. You just seem to pick right off where you left off.
The problem is even if you stay in your hometown, by family and friends as one poster said, nothing remains the same. Friends move away, adult children locate to other states in search of jobs, and longtime friendships are affected by divorce or death. Nothing remains static.
My best enduring friendships were all made by my early 30s, mostly in college or at first jobs when you were young enough to often socialize after work and on weekends. The dynamic changes with kids and then friendships seem more situational, revolving around kids’ activities, playmates and schools.
I have actually reconnected with friends from years ago. You know it’s a true friend when it seems like no time at all has passed - you still have a strong connection. You just seem to pick right off where you left off.
This thread has been very sad in many ways. Maybe if I give my take on 'the other side', it might make it easier for the folks that are struggling.
You see, myself and my wife fit the profile of people trying NOT to make friends. In fact we have neighbors who have been really trying to make friends with us, but we have been pushing them away. Why? Let me try and explain-
We have 3 kids. We both have f/t jobs with 2hr round trip commutes. We are embroiled in a custody battle for my daughter from my 1st marriage. We are active in our Church. In fact I have a ministry and that I am in charge of for our Church. Also, I am trying to keep in shape. And I have hobbies including playing softball in the Summer.
The truth is, we really don't have even have time to be faithful to the friendships that we already have. We just have too much going on right now. Anytime we feel pressure from new people trying to hang out with us/be friends, I usually run the other way.
It is NOT personal. The neighbors I told you about are very nice people. But I can already tell if I opened the door, they would be expecting a lot more than we can realistically give. Also, it has nothing to do with Facebook or playing on our phones- we don't have time for that, either.
I just thought I would give you the other side.
I myself don't have all that going on and I still feel like I have very limited time and energy for friendships. I have work, but it takes a lot of time and focus to generate the income needed to support myself. Also, I'm not in the best position to be hanging out all the time. And I do find that there are people who if you gave them an inch, they would try to take a mile. Those people would say "be my friend", but in their vibe, they are saying "be my world". I've had at least one person get possessive and obsessive over me. Like "hey! we just met!!! We ain't married!"
The few friends I have also have lives and their own challenges to deal with. So we respect each other's time.
And people today seem to be taught to take offense at EVERYTHING, and they do, vociferously. Which was not the case when I was younger. It's tough to be friends with those who are ready to pounce on you for the most offhanded comments.
Don't get me started on the offense taking and also the word twisting. I definitely don't have the time or energy for that.
It does not get any easier the older you get. I find that friends are made through our children and with neighbors through the years. As you get into your careers, friendships are formed through work. When all that stops....kids grow up, you retire, or you move for those careers, friendships cease. And as you get older, well, it is obvious that you have lost your brains, your ability to make conversation and of course, you don't ever want to have any "fun".....I live in the resort area of Galena, Illinois and I can't tell you how dull and boring it is. We sign up for the social events...meet people you know you aren't going to ever be close friends with because they have a "set" of friends and God Forbid they let anyone into that little group. You are revered for the donations you can make, the volunteering you can do but I find as time goes on this is worse than any high school clique you might have encountered. Gray hair high school and I would love to sell and get out, but property is very depressed in The Territory. Takes several years to sell and that is at greatly reduced prices. No reason to stay....people are not friendly here at all.
It does not get any easier the older you get. I find that friends are made through our children and with neighbors through the years. As you get into your careers, friendships are formed through work. When all that stops....kids grow up, you retire, or you move for those careers, friendships cease. And as you get older, well, it is obvious that you have lost your brains, your ability to make conversation and of course, you don't ever want to have any "fun".....I live in the resort area of Galena, Illinois and I can't tell you how dull and boring it is. We sign up for the social events...meet people you know you aren't going to ever be close friends with because they have a "set" of friends and God Forbid they let anyone into that little group. You are revered for the donations you can make, the volunteering you can do but I find as time goes on this is worse than any high school clique you might have encountered. Gray hair high school and I would love to sell and get out, but property is very depressed in The Territory. Takes several years to sell and that is at greatly reduced prices. No reason to stay....people are not friendly here at all.
Wow, my jaw just dropped. Its the same here and I thought it was a Midwest thing. It may or may not be. That doesn't bode well for me if I back to my home state. Be happy you're part of a "we". The thought of growing old alone when all I've ever wanted was my own family is just terrifying.
Am I the only one who still has an easy time making friends?
I don't think I'm naturally talented at it. I'm pretty introverted, actually. You just have to look for people who share your interests --- or have some other reason to value you more than any other random person walking down the street --- and make a point of seeing them persistently so they remember you. It helps to add them on social media and interact with their posts a lot.
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