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I have a question I was hoping that I could please inquire about, for all of the child-free folks out there: is getting older or being in your elder years while having no children (and/or no spouse, depending on if you want to be Double-Income, No Kids, vs. never marrying at all for instance) a concern at all for you?
The main reason I ask is because it goes to the issue of potentially having no meaningful social or support network, in the later years of one's life. It also limits your available of people to take care of you, for example if you become injured, sick, or need to be hospitalized, for example. Even if you have a CF spouse but s/he passes away before you, later in life (and also same thing with friends pasing away, as well), without any having children, a person could potentially be like 75-80 years old, but have no one meaningful left, in their lives who really cares about them?
Any thoughts please? How do you deal with and are able to successfully manage these kinds of concerns? Thank you in advance for your comments!
Well, I am childless, and of course I have thought of these things. But not having kids does not mean "no meaningful social or support network". I still have a close and loving family (and my niece already told my brother and I we can live in granny pods in her backyard one day, lol).
Also, I have worked in nursing homes for the past 15 years, and 99.9% of the folks living there DO have kids, so having kids does not necessarily mean you have someone who is capable or willing to take care of you. There are also many there who have made it into their 90's (some over 100) and actually outlived their kids, which is sad.
There is no point to spending any energy worrying about it, as none of us know the future, nor if we will even get to that point. All we can do is prepare as best we can but most of all enjoy today.
I have a question I was hoping that I could please inquire about, for all of the child-free folks out there: is getting older or being in your elder years while having no children (and/or no spouse, depending on if you want to be Double-Income, No Kids, vs. never marrying at all for instance) a concern at all for you?
The main reason I ask is because it goes to the issue of potentially having no meaningful social or support network, in the later years of one's life. It also limits your available of people to take care of you, for example if you become injured, sick, or need to be hospitalized, for example. Even if you have a CF spouse but s/he passes away before you, later in life (and also same thing with friends pasing away, as well), without any having children, a person could potentially be like 75-80 years old, but have no one meaningful left, in their lives who really cares about them?
Any thoughts please? How do you deal with and are able to successfully manage these kinds of concerns? Thank you in advance for your comments!
This is from my own personal experience, so glean what you will.
I'm 47, never married and have no children. I knew at a young age that I never wanted to date, get married or have children. I felt it was the call of God on my life. And I was right. What's more, I have no family.
When I became a Christian, God made Himself known and very real to me. He's more than enough. Sure, there have been lonely times but it's when I'm too focused on myself. My church and my friends are my family and I know I'm loved. We look out for each other. Whatever my future holds, I completely trust God with it. He promised to never leave or forsake me. That, to me, is everything. It's more than enough.
I keep going back to the nursing homes. My great aunt who had many children is in one. All of her kids ignore her. They only cared about what they can get out of her money wise. She recently told my mom that she was more of a daughter to her than any of her kids were - but my mom, while very caring, would never go and take care of her or visit her. Mom is 2000 miles away, refuses to fly or travel, and allows my father to dictate her, so she won't visit her. So she is alone in the nursing home. I've visited and volunteered at them, and previous poster is right. Almost all of them have kids, but there they are, mostly alone with maybe an obligatory yearly visit here and there if they are lucky. You can tell they are lonely. Having kids didn't work out that way for them.
I've lived in many different countries. One of the first things I noticed was that, here in America, we are quick to throw away our elderly when they become disabled and need care. We put it off on someone else to do. I realized this because, in other countries, the families often argue over who GETS to care for their aging relatives.
But, America is about convenience and self-gratification. (Speaking in general, of course, and not for every person.)
I could very well outlive my close family and end up alone, but I don't care. That's no reason not to live now, and it's no reason for me to have kids, which I would NOT want to do, and it's also no reason to settle for a mediocre relationship, a stressful relationship with family that I'm not close to, or force friendships that wouldn't work out anyway.
Strictly speaking I shouldn't be answering this as I have children but I'm probably not speaking alone when I say that there is no way on this planet that I would ever allow any of my children to be my carer.
If, (insert religious icon here) forbid, I was ever in need of that kind of help they'd be the last people on the list of those I wanted help from. I did not clean their arses when they were babies for them to do mine when i'm old.
If I could pay for it and my general quality of life was high enough I would, if I couldn't or it wasn't then well.... another solution would be found.
I've lived in many different countries. One of the first things I noticed was that, here in America, we are quick to throw away our elderly when they become disabled and need care. We put it off on someone else to do. I realized this because, in other countries, the families often argue over who GETS to care for their aging relatives.
But, America is about convenience and self-gratification. (Speaking in general, of course, and not for every person.)
Here in the Amish country we have the opposite. Generations all live on one farm. They just build onto the house and build new homes on the land. My neighbor lady just moved into the smaller house out back, and her son and his new wife and kids got moved into the large main house. They all take care of each other till the end. It is not uncommon to see three 3,00 sq foot farm houses built next to each other, surrounded by 100 acres, with 80 year olds and 1 year olds out on the lawn.
I keep going back to the nursing homes. My great aunt who had many children is in one. All of her kids ignore her. They only cared about what they can get out of her money wise. She recently told my mom that she was more of a daughter to her than any of her kids were - but my mom, while very caring, would never go and take care of her or visit her. Mom is 2000 miles away, refuses to fly or travel, and allows my father to dictate her, so she won't visit her. So she is alone in the nursing home. I've visited and volunteered at them, and previous poster is right. Almost all of them have kids, but there they are, mostly alone with maybe an obligatory yearly visit here and there if they are lucky. You can tell they are lonely. Having kids didn't work out that way for them.
This is a sad story, but I want to say that just because someone is in a nursing home does not mean the person has been abandoned or that no one loves them enough to take care of them. Most people in nursing homes need 24 hour a day care, in many cases highly skilled care, that most families cannot afford or are not equipped to deal with. Of course there are stories like your great Aunt, but there are also many, many family members in the facilities I've worked in who are attentive and loving children to their Mom or Dad.
This is a sad story, but I want to say that just because someone is in a nursing home does not mean the person has been abandoned or that no one loves them enough to take care of them.
Exactly, sometimes too it's a matter of physical safety to place a loved one in some sort of institutional care. For example I know of one woman who was somewhat forgetful and sometimes talked as if her husband was still alive. One day she opened her bedroom window and climbed out onto her roof to play. At that moment, she thought she was a child again.
Exactly, sometimes too it's a matter of physical safety to place a loved one in some sort of institutional care. For example I know of one woman who was somewhat forgetful and sometimes talked as if her husband was still alive. One day she opened her bedroom window and climbed out onto her roof to play. At that moment, she thought she was a child again.
Yes, I've seen situations like that often. I once treated (I'm a therapist) a man who had tried to climb down a gutter from his second-story bedroom, and another man with dementia who decided to climb a tree to trim it, falling and breaking his leg. It is very hard to keep wanderers safe without 24 hour supervision AND alarms.
For my own Mom, we tried having her with me, and it lasted 10 days, which was 9 1/2 days too long.
I love her, and I still do a lot for her and always will, but we get along much better now that she's in an assisted living facility.
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