Question please for all of the child-free folks out there? (introverted, divorced)
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I have a question I was hoping that I could please inquire about, for all of the child-free folks out there: is getting older or being in your elder years while having no children (and/or no spouse, depending on if you want to be Double-Income, No Kids, vs. never marrying at all for instance) a concern at all for you?
The main reason I ask is because it goes to the issue of potentially having no meaningful social or support network, in the later years of one's life. It also limits your available of people to take care of you, for example if you become injured, sick, or need to be hospitalized, for example. Even if you have a CF spouse but s/he passes away before you, later in life (and also same thing with friends pasing away, as well), without any having children, a person could potentially be like 75-80 years old, but have no one meaningful left, in their lives who really cares about them?
Any thoughts please? How do you deal with and are able to successfully manage these kinds of concerns? Thank you in advance for your comments!
Not in the slightest. I'm happy I chose not to have any. I have enough friends with kids and I think I've heard enough over the years to know that I would not want that lifestyle.
As for people to take care of you, that's what friends are for. (Do NOT que Dionne Warwick!)
Here in the Amish country we have the opposite. Generations all live on one farm. They just build onto the house and build new homes on the land. My neighbor lady just moved into the smaller house out back, and her son and his new wife and kids got moved into the large main house. They all take care of each other till the end. It is not uncommon to see three 3,00 sq foot farm houses built next to each other, surrounded by 100 acres, with 80 year olds and 1 year olds out on the lawn.
I've lived in many different countries. One of the first things I noticed was that, here in America, we are quick to throw away our elderly when they become disabled and need care. We put it off on someone else to do. I realized this because, in other countries, the families often argue over who GETS to care for their aging relatives.
But, America is about convenience and self-gratification. (Speaking in general, of course, and not for every person.)
You can generalize, but please also consider that we have more single-parent homes, or homes where both members of a couple work. For elderly people who actually need to be taken care of, this is NOT a good scenario. It's one thing to have a healthy older relative move in with you, but it's another thing entirely when someone in poor health - either mental or physical - moves into a new home where they cannot be provided with round-the-clock care.
Also consider that most elderly people in the US don't look to live with anyone until they are in failing health and need round the clock care. My grandmother died at 88 and lived on her own at her insistence until the last few months of her life, when her failing health (stage 4 lung cancer) necessitated that she move in with my mother. My father, currently 82, is the same way, even though he knows I bought 3-bedroom house specifically so that I could accommodate my parents should they need a place to live. I cannot see them taking me up on my offer until they absolutely cannot fend for themselves.
My other grandmother went into a long mental decline after living on her own until she showed signs of senility. Given that both her children lived in rural areas where she would have been isolated and limited in her movement, we opted for an assisted living home where she had her own little apartment and went on frequent outings until she fell and broke her hip several years later. From then on, she was in a wheelchair, and I cannot imagine that she would have been at all comfortable in our home as both of my parents worked full time, it was not wheelchair friendly, and she would not have had all the interaction she had at the nursing home, where in-house therapists worked with her and there were organized activities on a daily basis.
As for people to take care of you, that's what friends are for.
If you're planning along those lines, I suggest you cultivate much younger friends. If you're 70+, friends have a habit of dying or developing medical issues themselves which could preclude them being a help to you. For example, you really don't want a friend with macular degeneration (age related partial loss of vision) driving you to your doctor's office.
Same thing would apply to a spouse in your age group.
This is a sad story, but I want to say that just because someone is in a nursing home does not mean the person has been abandoned or that no one loves them enough to take care of them. Most people in nursing homes need 24 hour a day care, in many cases highly skilled care, that most families cannot afford or are not equipped to deal with. Of course there are stories like your great Aunt, but there are also many, many family members in the facilities I've worked in who are attentive and loving children to their Mom or Dad.
Oh I totally agree - but that is why I say the OP's question of having children to take care of you doesn't always work out. Having kids doesn't guarantee anything, because perhaps the level of care required cannot be handled by your kids anyway. Of course a lot of kids may visit their parents or grandparents, but in the case of my Grandfather most of the other residents were not visited. But, even if your kids can visit, often you are still spending a lot of time without them. So having kids isn't really solving this issue. You would still need to make other arrangements as well, as your kids are probably going to be working and having their own kids, you can't expect them to solve your issues of aging.
I have a question I was hoping that I could please inquire about, for all of the child-free folks out there: is getting older or being in your elder years while having no children (and/or no spouse, depending on if you want to be Double-Income, No Kids, vs. never marrying at all for instance) a concern at all for you?
The main reason I ask is because it goes to the issue of potentially having no meaningful social or support network, in the later years of one's life. It also limits your available of people to take care of you, for example if you become injured, sick, or need to be hospitalized, for example. Even if you have a CF spouse but s/he passes away before you, later in life (and also same thing with friends pasing away, as well), without any having children, a person could potentially be like 75-80 years old, but have no one meaningful left, in their lives who really cares about them?
Any thoughts please? How do you deal with and are able to successfully manage these kinds of concerns? Thank you in advance for your comments!
I'm a Therapist. Unforturnately, having children (or even being married) doesn't guarantee having a healthy support system- now or in later years of life. Interesting how that works out. I see single people who are distressed that they are unmarried and childless...yet I also see individuals who need counseling because of the trauma and anguish inflicted upon them by their own family members.
This is a sad story, but I want to say that just because someone is in a nursing home does not mean the person has been abandoned or that no one loves them enough to take care of them. Most people in nursing homes need 24 hour a day care, in many cases highly skilled care, that most families cannot afford or are not equipped to deal with. Of course there are stories like your great Aunt, but there are also many, many family members in the facilities I've worked in who are attentive and loving children to their Mom or Dad.
Well said. My MIL needs a very high level of care. We've tried the home thing where someone comes by but sometimes things get to a point where you need highly skilled care.
I have a question I was hoping that I could please inquire about, for all of the child-free folks out there: is getting older or being in your elder years while having no children (and/or no spouse, depending on if you want to be Double-Income, No Kids, vs. never marrying at all for instance) a concern at all for you?
The main reason I ask is because it goes to the issue of potentially having no meaningful social or support network, in the later years of one's life. It also limits your available of people to take care of you, for example if you become injured, sick, or need to be hospitalized, for example. Even if you have a CF spouse but s/he passes away before you, later in life (and also same thing with friends pasing away, as well), without any having children, a person could potentially be like 75-80 years old, but have no one meaningful left, in their lives who really cares about them?
Any thoughts please? How do you deal with and are able to successfully manage these kinds of concerns? Thank you in advance for your comments!
I think that people with kids and people without kids all end up aging in the same way anyway - alone. There definitely need to be communities for elderly that aren't just nursing homes.
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