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My mother has a friend who had six kids. This woman just can't keep herself from always criticizing her children. Nothing they do is ever right.
Widowed years ago, then five years ago she had a stroke. Lives on the east coast, four of the six moved out west (Arizona/Utah) decades ago. She went through a series of home healthcare aides, none of them ever did anything right, either. Finally one daughter brought her out to Arizona. That lasted a year. They shipped her back to Jersey and now she's in a nursing home. Her western kids come see her once a year, if she's lucky. Now one of the ones remaining in the area is also moving out west. This woman's not likely to have her children anywhere near her when she is dying, and it's mostly because she never learned how to control her own sharp tongue.
SIX kids, and she's in pretty much the same boat as someone who never had children.
Sad... situation, sounds like she brought it on herself.
If five or six kids bail, the common denominator must be the mom......
Ithat it becomes much harder, vs. when a person was significantly younger. It may be easier to make friends when you are say 32, vs. 60.
I'm not sure about that. In your 30s it is hard because people are moving for jobs, getting married and fixated on their children. They aren't going out looking for parties and friends much. They often drop all their friends to focus on family.
All of my parents and their friends in their 60-70s are retired and do nothing but go out each day, socialize and party. Their lives are mostly devoted to social events and meeting new people, simply because of all the free time they have.
I have a question I was hoping that I could please inquire about, for all of the child-free folks out there: is getting older or being in your elder years while having no children (and/or no spouse, depending on if you want to be Double-Income, No Kids, vs. never marrying at all for instance) a concern at all for you?
The main reason I ask is because it goes to the issue of potentially having no meaningful social or support network, in the later years of one's life. It also limits your available of people to take care of you, for example if you become injured, sick, or need to be hospitalized, for example. Even if you have a CF spouse but s/he passes away before you, later in life (and also same thing with friends pasing away, as well), without any having children, a person could potentially be like 75-80 years old, but have no one meaningful left, in their lives who really cares about them?
Any thoughts please? How do you deal with and are able to successfully manage these kinds of concerns? Thank you in advance for your comments!
I'm late in this topic as I just saw it today but have a question for you since no one else brought it up---
What makes you think that this is a concern for everyone?
I have no concerns at all. I'm 58 and never had children because I never wanted them. Besides as many have outlined in this thread it is no guarantee you will be cared about by them.
I live until I am no longer able to take care of myself. When that happens I will likely end my own life. The end will be coming soon anyway but I'll cross that bridge what I come to it.
I'm not even thinking about that now and I think this thread topic is weird. Life is short enough as it is and I can't relate to think about what it will be like as we get closer to the end when there is still more living to do. Prepare, sure, obviously no harm in that and a no-brainer.
Have fun while you still can is my take on this and not be worried about something you have no control over.
I live until I am no longer able to take care of myself. When that happens I will likely end my own life. The end will be coming soon anyway but I'll cross that bridge what I come to it.
I'm not even thinking about that now and I think this thread topic is weird. Life is short enough as it is and I can't relate to think about what it will be like as we get closer to the end when there is still more living to do. Prepare, sure, obviously no harm in that and a no-brainer.
How you can prepare if you don't think about it. I don't really see how thinking about it prevents you from enjoying life in the present either.
My first step to preparing for "old age" started at age 23 when I decided to join the company pension plan. Sure that meant my take-home pay was somewhat lower but I don't think that fact affected my ability to enjoy life.
Longevity runs in my family. My current "old age" planning involves starting to develop hobbies and interests which I enjoy and which may not necessarily depend on socialization in person, being able to drive or even on much physical mobility.
I'm late in this topic as I just saw it today but have a question for you since no one else brought it up---
What makes you think that this is a concern for everyone?
I have no concerns at all. I'm 58 and never had children because I never wanted them. Besides as many have outlined in this thread it is no guarantee you will be cared about by them.
I live until I am no longer able to take care of myself. When that happens I will likely end my own life. The end will be coming soon anyway but I'll cross that bridge what I come to it.
I'm not even thinking about that now and I think this thread topic is weird. Life is short enough as it is and I can't relate to think about what it will be like as we get closer to the end when there is still more living to do. Prepare, sure, obviously no harm in that and a no-brainer.
Have fun while you still can is my take on this and not be worried about something you have no control over.
I don't want to hijack this thread too badly, but you make some good points. Personally I really think that at some point in the next several yrs something needs to be legislated in terms of doctor assisted suicide, the work that Kevorkian started.
I really resent how the government is going to tell me how to spend my golden yrs. I have a BIL that is practically a veggie, he has no life and his condition is only gonna get worse. He has to lay there day after day, he's even voiced that he wants to just end it, that's when he could talk, of course.
I don't think I have longevity in my family lineage. My mom died at 62 with cancer that she had battled a couple of times. My dad has heart problems, had cancer and has a pacemaker in right now, he's 71, but that isn't really that old these days.
I don't want to hijack this thread too badly, but you make some good points. Personally I really think that at some point in the next several yrs something needs to be legislated in terms of doctor assisted suicide, the work that Kevorkian started.
I really resent how the government is going to tell me how to spend my golden yrs. I have a BIL that is practically a veggie, he has no life and his condition is only gonna get worse. He has to lay there day after day, he's even voiced that he wants to just end it, that's when he could talk, of course.
I don't think I have longevity in my family lineage. My mom died at 62 with cancer that she had battled a couple of times. My dad has heart problems, had cancer and has a pacemaker in right now, he's 71, but that isn't really that old these days.
Thank you and I agree with the first paragraph.
The part I bolded in your post made me very sad.
Sincere best wishes to your BIL, you, and your family as you deal with this terrible tragedy.
How you can prepare if you don't think about it. I don't really see how thinking about it prevents you from enjoying life in the present either.
My first step to preparing for "old age" started at age 23 when I decided to join the company pension plan. Sure that meant my take-home pay was somewhat lower but I don't think that fact affected my ability to enjoy life.
Longevity runs in my family. My current "old age" planning involves starting to develop hobbies and interests which I enjoy and which may not necessarily depend on socialization in person, being able to drive or even on much physical mobility.
I think it's a bit extreme for me to develop hobbies that I do not necessarily want to do. Nor will I plan on the day when I won't be able to drive. Speaking for myself only I think that's silly.
Stashing a few bucks into a savings or retirement account never hurt anyone.
I think it's a bit extreme for me to develop hobbies that I do not necessarily want to do.
Of course not. I never suggested that.
I've always loved gardening. About five years ago I developed back issues which forced me to give it up. When I was casting about for a "replacement" hobby I considered hobbies such as photography, bird watching and genealogy which I could enjoy for a long time to come. That didn't preclude me from considering other hobbies as well.
We've given that subject some thought. It does concern me to a degree. We are both highly Introverted types and if one of us goes before the other, it would be more difficult. I have hermit like tendencies and they are becoming more and more as I get older.
I come from work and just want to be left alone. Granted I don't wanted to come off like a social loser with no friends and incapable of social interaction, far from it. I just find that sometimes people tend to wear me down after a while and need to to be by myself.
The idea of being found on my kitchen floor wearing a robe while being half eaten by dogs has crossed my mind....
The flip side is that that is a shabby reason to have kids, kids aren't here to be caretakers, at least that's not how I would view my children, I would want them to be as free as posiible of the burdens of taking care of me, and to be honest, sometimes people need more help than family members can provide anyways. Assisted care / nursing homes have some value, although due to some current family member issues, my faith in nursing homes as of late has taken a major dip.. but I digress.
I've heared horror stories of kids not doing much to help out elderly parents. Nothing in life is a guarantee.
I agree with everything you wrote and I'm in a similar situation - except I have cats
You should never expect someone to take care of you unless you are paying that person.
I have no children and live 6,000 miles away from family. I am in my 50's and plan on taking care of myself while I can. When I can no longer take care of myself, I have a plan.
I was just talking about this yesterday with a friend of mine who is older than I am and has no children. We believe more and more people have a plan other than going to the old age home.
I have known a lot of old folks with no children who lived long happy lives.
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