Buried with MY family or HERS? (wife, spouse, father, husband)
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For those who are married, do you intend to be buried in your family's graveyard or your wife/husband's family's graveyard?
Well my MIL went out and bought my wife and I lots beside her. I guess she's of the age when she is thinking of such things.
Long story short. My wife goes to the same church as her parents and is very religious. The lots are in this church's cemetery in the next town over. About a twenty minute drive from here. This is also her home town.
Now unbeknownst to MIL, my parents bought a clan of lots two decades ago not only for me but for any wife and children I might have. My parents are real religious if that makes a difference. I however am the only one not in any way religious if THAT makes a difference. Well this cemetery has relatives back to the mid 1800s. That and it is on a hill with a bunch of old trees as opposed to MIL's flat soccer field setup.
At first I felt like I didn't give two tiddlies where I was buried but now I really feel the intense urge to be buried at home.
I thought it was tradition the woman be buried with the man's family? I dunno but I would think that the case.
My wife is a lot closer to my family than I am to hers. We also reside in my home town. That being said, she is a lot closer to her family than I am to mine Don't get me wrong, we're close but not lovie dovie huggy kissy close like her's is.
She wants to be buried with her family but said first and foremost she wants to be beside me and would honor any decision I made. Yeah, thanks
Go to whichever one is closest to the kids who will visit you, if you have any.
Cemeteries are places for surviving relatives to grieve the death, celebrate their loved one's life, and remember. Once you close your eyes that final time, you won't care anymore where your body is.
I personally don't care enough that if it was important to my spouse, I would make a thing over it. If it's important to both of you, maybe it would be fairest to simply flip a coin? In reading your description of each of your perspectives, I don't see that either side seems more compelling than the other. Sometimes there's no way to compromise and a coin flip seems fairer than one person having to be put under the pressure to choose.
Hopefully, you both will survive both sets of your parents. Are both sets aware of the double burial plots? If so, I would tell them you need a few years to think about it and you will get back to them.
Who will be visiting your grave after you pass? I would tend to think of convenience for the mourners in that case. You will be deceased and it will no longer matter to you.
I never visit graves of lived ones, unless I am in the cemetery for a different funeral. I prefer to remember the good times with loved ones instead of their deaths.
Last edited by Meyerland; 01-02-2014 at 09:39 PM..
Option # 1 - cremated and sprinkled over your favorite places
Option # 2- buy a plot for just yourself and your wife in a cemetery other than ones used by either of your families . Don't tell them- just do it. They don't need to know until you're gone. Then the funeral director will make sure you're in the right spot.
Do not give in to the drama, do not seek out drama- Just avoid both sets of controlling parents who are attempting to take charge of your lives from even unto the grave. No good will ever come from trying to choose one set of parents over the other. It's a trap- run away.
In the situation described above, I'd opt to buy my own husband and wife plots at another cemetery.
Or you could embrace SouthernBellinUtah's suggestion. My husband and I have agreed that the funeral decisions are left for the survivor to decide. We've buried enough family members to know that funerals and cemeteries are for the living, not the dead.
Hopefully, you both will survive both sets of your parents. Are both sets aware of the double burial plots? If so, I would tell them you need a few years to think about it and you will get back to them.
Who will be visiting your grave after you pass? I would tend to think of convenience for the mourners in that case. You will be deceased and it will no longer matter to you.
I never visit graves of lived ones, unless I am in the cemetery for a different funeral. I prefer to remember the good times with lived ones instead of their deaths.
I tend to agree with the bolded, however, when my brother and SIL's 20 year old son died last year they had to make a quick decision on what to do. The families lived up north and they lived in Florida. They buried him here and my brother had a real hard time with it - they have since moved back up north. I go to the gravesite on the day before his birthday, mother's day and father's day and leave pennies. I started finding them in odd places after he died. I leave them there so the lawn mowers will blow them around and others will find them and it sort of signifies sharing his love. I also leave notes, or letters, to my brother and SIL during these times reassuring them they were good parents and how much love they gave him. It means a lot to them.
Does it really matter??? It's nothing but a shell of flesh and some bones that will rot away and be eaten by bug and worms. A few years from your burial, no one will be coming to visit anyway, so what difference does it make??
best bet is to get cremated and have the ashes scattered in the places you loved to visit in life.
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Don't get me wrong, we're close but not lovie dovie huggy kissy close like her's is. 
