Any reason as to why older women specifically middle aged women seem to dislike younger women? (gossip, attractive)
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Lol. Maayyybbee. But highly unlikely. I don't know a single woman in my age group who would willingly go back to their 20s. In our 50s we have the family, the home,and the financial security to thumb our noses, but the wisdom to know that if everybody is saying the same thing about us, we need to do some self reflection. We had lots of fun in our 20s, but that fun came with long work hours, dating drama, and worrying much more about silly stuff that we now realize doesn't mean anything in the overall scheme of life.
Yes we have more wisdom, money and family That I do agree but I sure would like my 20 year old body back.
OP, Looks like you're learning that age does not necessarily equal wisdom. Most of us are taught to respect our elders, and "they know best," etc. Then we find out that a 40-year old can be stuck emotionally in high school, even ones who are educated and professional. "How can this be?" I used to think at your age. It can be a hard thing to accept--I still have trouble accepting it sometimes. Why does it happen? I wish I knew; but the best you can do is control your reaction to it and/or not fan the flames. Maybe people will start to notice you're more mature than the older ones--I like when I'm noticed for that.
Typing of noticing, many middle-aged women have a lot on their plate (divorce, menopause, teenaged children, infirm elderly parents, etc.) and some can't handle it well. They might handle their issues little better than a 21-year old would. They might know or care how they're coming off to the rest of us. And depending on the environment drugs and drinking might be factors (not just young people's problems).
One thing that surprised me though in your OP is treatment from your teachers. Why would they single you out? They are around young people day-in day-out for years.
Wake up and smell the coffee.
The OP is talking about all middle aged women she comes in contact with, teachers, father's girlfriends, volunteers at a NH, and now coworkers.
Not one nice, pleasant middle aged woman, not one.
Are there miserable middle aged women who resent younger women for no reason other than jealousy that their day in the sun has passed? Of course there are, but not most of them.
When everyone is "against" you, it's you.
I'm glad to at least see you question the teacher comments. You honestly think all these teachers risk their jobs and talk like this? Maybe in the south in the 1950s you could talk like that to a student and get away with it, not in the last several years, it didn't happen like this.
To me you sound like a judgemental narcissist whose tatted up and dresses like a tramp. All the middle aged women who might have tried to set you on a better path were either liars or gossips.
Your dad can't date any more because he chooses poorly? First you point out one girlfriend who tried to talk to him about your inappropriate behavior, then you say he makes poor choices when dating. I think you are trying to run his life so you can do what you want.
Things are not going to change for you. Good luck.
I'm a male and I get the same treatment from other males. I'm bad to the bone. I make....
I forgot the rest. Any George Thurgood fans who can finish it for me?
I can't be the only who has noticed this animosity that a lot of middle aged women have towards younger women( specifically those in their teens and twenties.) To give you a little background on myself, my mother died of breast cancer when I was thirteen, and never saw much of her growing up since she was in out of mental health institutions all her life. I have grown up with my father who is a wonderful men, but I have always tried to seek out women around his age for friendship since I never saw much of my own mother. My father, like I said is wonderful but there were certain things I never talked to him about growing up that made me uncomfortable, I always felt if I had more female guidance growing up then I would have had easier time making it through middle school and high school.
However every middle aged women that I have tried to befriend or gotten to know on a personal level have all without exception hated me, or greatly disliked me. My middle aged coworkers hated me, my father's girlfriends have all hated me, my female teachers hated me, my ex bf's mother hated me, etc. It is stranger because elderly women specifically those over 75 seem to love me and are very maternal. Every time I tried to seek out maternal guidance for a middle aged women it has always ended badly. For instances I volunteered at a retirement home over the summer, and my coworkers were mostly middle aged women and they were awful! They spread lies about me, trashed me behind my back and always made rude /curt comments about my appearance. I literally bended over backwards to please these women so they would stop trashing me behind my back but it seemed no matter what I did I was always an example of what is wrong with my "generation." All my middle aged female teachers I had growing up use to make disparaging comments about how awful younger women are and how we are all bunch of spoiled rotten entitled brats and were generally emotionally abusive. I remember one time one of my teachers called me a **** in front of the whole class because I wore a top on hot day with spaghetti straps. Nearly all my dad's gfs have emotionally abused me and made me feel like an awful person about myself. All my boyfriends' mothers have hated me, honestly it seems as though women with sons are the worse, they all seem to have this delusional belief that no women especially younger women is good enough for their special snowflake son . I have had more women in this age group spread malicious lies about me, make disparaging comments about my appearance, and just in general treat me like garbage then women my own age!
So all I am asking is, why? I know I am not the only one who has experienced this because my female friends report the same thing. Do women become more socially conservative when they get older therefor look down on younger women because they think they are too liberal? When I worked at the retirement home I made many friends with women in their 70s and 80s who were absolute angels to me and very kind/maternal like my grandmothers. Why do women in their 40s-50s have such a false sense of moral superiority that they think they can trash younger women for not living up to their moral standards, since they were all such virginal innocent angels when they were younger . I am not exaggerating my situation, I get along great with women/men of all ages, race, and religions, its just middle aged women that I have never got along with and I can't seem to figure out why.
I haven't read all the posts, so excuse me if I'm repeating something.
OP, all I can tell you is that I'm a middle aged woman, and without knowing a thing about what you look like, or how you act professionally, or ANYTHING about you other than what you've shared in this post, I already am irritated with you and feel put on the defensive. I do not "hate" you - that's way too strong a word - but I don't feel at ease with you.
This is not because of something insecure in me - it's because of the way you've expressed yourself.
Look, I'm in my mid fifties and have worked in professional environments and positions for thirty years of my life. Now I do a lot of volunteer work with an organization that reaches out specifically to underprivileged women of ALL ages (many whom are in their twenties) to help teach them job and life skills so they can better their lives. In all this time, I have had friends of many different ages - in fact, in my last job I befriended a beautiful young woman who was in her twenties at the time and we are still friends to this day even though we no longer work together. I say all this to let you know that I find it easy to build good relationships with women of all ages and walks of life.
But back to you and your problems relating to middle aged women: Look, I'll be honest with you - you come across as too dramatic for starters. You seem very quick to assume that this is the fault of other people. Let me give you an example of a mature way you could have put this whole scenario:
After going into your story about your mom (sorry about all that, by the way - that's a tough break for everyone involved), you could have said something like this:
"I'm in my mid twenties and I have a problem building healthy working relationships and friendships with middle aged women for some reason. I get along great with women my own age, and with elderly women, but when it comes to women in their 40s and 50s, I am having a hard time connecting with them and I don't understand why."
Instead you start out with over the top verbiage about how EVERY SINGLE MIDDLE AGED WOMAN YOU'VE EVER MET OR WORKED WITH HATES YOU.
Quote:
However every middle aged women that I have tried to befriend or gotten to know on a personal level have all without exception hated me, or greatly disliked me. My middle aged coworkers hated me, my father's girlfriends have all hated me, my female teachers hated me, my ex bf's mother hated me, etc.
You then go on to give various examples and you say this:
Quote:
Every time I tried to seek out maternal guidance for a middle aged women it has always ended badly. For instances I volunteered at a retirement home over the summer, and my coworkers were mostly middle aged women and they were awful! They spread lies about me, trashed me behind my back and always made rude /curt comments about my appearance.
You tried to seek out maternal guidance from the middle aged women who worked at a retirement home when you were volunteering there? Can you give some examples of how you sought out this maternal guidance from these women? Because honestly, the behavior you describe sounds bizarre - especially if all you were doing was being a young woman genuinely trying to get along with your coworkers. (Hint - don't seek out maternal guidance from women you don't know very well, especially in the workplace - save that emotional energy for personal relationships outside the work place.)
Finally, you go on to say:
Quote:
Nearly all my dad's gfs have emotionally abused me and made me feel like an awful person about myself. All my boyfriends' mothers have hated me, honestly it seems as though women with sons are the worse, they all seem to have this delusional belief that no women especially younger women is good enough for their special snowflake son . I have had more women in this age group spread malicious lies about me, make disparaging comments about my appearance, and just in general treat me like garbage then women my own age!
I think you will find that many middle aged women simply cannot relate to what you're saying here. I have sons - three to be exact. They range in age from 22 to 29. They've dated many young women over the years and I've genuinely liked most of them. But there are two girls who immediately spring to my mind when it comes to having serious reservations about them (out of probably 30). Both of these girls were CLEARLY not healthy emotionally and were not a good fit for my sons. They were both drama queens and did not have my sons' best interests at heart and that was very clear. My sons weren't happy people as these relationships progressed. Even so, I didn't lie, or make disparaging comments about their appearance, or treat either of these girls like garbage, though I was very glad to see both relationships eventually bite the dust and my sons move on. I just remained friendly toward them. In fact, even these two girls
But I'm telling you this to point out that among my middle aged friends, I can't think of a single one who would lie about or disrespect, or mistreat a young lady who was dating their son. So my take on this is either that you're involving yourself with too many people who aspire to be on the Jerry Springer Show, or you're hypersensitive and paranoid, or you're truly such an awful person that every single middle aged woman you meet reacts strongly and negatively toward you. I really don't think it's the third option, so think about the first two options.
I can only speak for myself, but I don't know any middle aged women who react negatively to younger women out of jealousy over their looks or whatever. What I do occasionally see (and feel) is frustration at younger women if they dress inappropriately for the work place, focus on personal drama when they should be working, that sort of thing. I've had to counsel younger women and even write them up on occasion for dressing inappropriately (I've also had to write up a younger man for the same thing) but that had nothing to do with "hating" them - it was simply my job and believe me, I didn't enjoy having to do this - and oh my gosh, the drama all THAT created was ridiculous. And unnecessary.
But most younger women I've worked with and gotten to know are pleasant inside and out. So your story honestly does seem extreme - and makes me think that something about your demeanor or attitude is a big part of the problem.
Lol. Maayyybbee. But highly unlikely. I don't know a single woman in my age group who would willingly go back to their 20s. In our 50s we have the family, the home,and the financial security to thumb our noses, but the wisdom to know that if everybody is saying the same thing about us, we need to do some self reflection. We had lots of fun in our 20s, but that fun came with long work hours, dating drama, and worrying much more about silly stuff that we now realize doesn't mean anything in the overall scheme of life.
Well, amen to this.
A joke that is common among my friends is that the ONLY way we'd ever go back to our twenties would be if we could go back with the wisdom we've earned now that we're in our fifties. Otherwise - NO WAY. We're much happier overall now than when we were that young.
My father didn't have the money to spoil my siblings and I growing up, he is a great father because he made the best of his situation and is very loving. I just want to emphasize that I have never went out of my way to be rude or mean to ANY of women I am talking about above. They have always been the ones who made the first move to bash me. The reason I am asking this question is because it is not all older women have treated me like this, most elderly women like I mentioned have been very kind and loving towards me. I have many female friends in their 70s and 80s. Look, it has never been my intention to look for a second mom, I was never clingy or anything like that. My intentions were to either make acquaintance or friends with the women in question but it has never ended well. I am just frustrated with my situation because I work with a lot of middle aged women and I am just tired of being the center focus of gossip.
What exactly does that mean? Are they saying terrible things to you, or just not fawning over you?
The only female students they liked were those who were practically nuns, basically almost none. They hated the boys too, I went to strict Catholic high school if that makes any difference. None of the teachers their were particularly nurturing. A large part of our student body came from lower income neighborhoods which meant we had to eternally grateful to them for letting us city rats into their school.
Since everyone said I had to look at myself I looked over some situations that have caused tension at home and at work, you guys be the judge.
-My father's ex gf didn't like the way I dressed, so she kept on berating me about it. I stood my ground because I thought that at 21 I should be able to make my own clothing choices. She didn't like that I rebelled against her and in return she started telling my father these lies about how promiscuous I was and sending him pictures of me partying to show how out of control I was. She talked badly to me about me to her friends, until I finally caved in and started dressing more "modestly" in her eyes. My father later broke with her because she a pathological liar but she blamed me for the breakup.
-My car broke down one morning and tried to call one my coworkers to inform them I was going to be late. None of them picked up their phone so I texted them instead. When I showed up for work they were angry that I didn't inform them I was going to be late. I pointed out that I couldn't reach them via phone so I texted them. They berated me again saying I was showed a lack of communication skills and that I was being lazy. My boss who received my text said it was fine, it was just my coworkers that berated me.
-I showed one of the elderly ladies I took care of at the retirement home my tattoo, when my coworker got wind of it she told me that the tattoo looked awful, that I looked like a tramp, and that I needed to behave more professionally. All that even though the elderly lady herself asked to see it.
-One of my coworker's son showed interest in me one time at a Holiday event we were hosting. We hit it off and made plans to meet up later. He later canceled at the last minute saying he didn't think it would be a good idea. When I pressed him, he told me his mother said lets just say unflattering things about me and my sexual history(which I have never shared with her). I later over hear her saying that I tried to seduce her son even though HE was one who made the first mood. This lady also cheats on her husband but thinks I am the sl*t!
-We hosted a fundraising event one time and we all had to wear the same t shirt. My coworkers gave me the tightest shirt, and didn't look flattering on my body at the time. I heard one of them giggling and mocking me because of how flabby my body was and going on about how she was sooo fit when she was my age.
-Another coworker started spreading rumors that I was sleeping with the boss because "why else would he keep my useless a** around?"(her exact words). Even though I have always finished my task on time and showed up to work on time most days. This rumor caused a lot of tension because the bosses wife actually believed her and I had to clear up all that mess.
Hey maybe I am just unlucky that my coworkers(three middle aged women) are just miserable harpies, and my father had bad taste in women but I have soo many similar stories like those above with same themes. Its getting tiresome, I don't hate middle aged women I am just trying understand why I can't seem to get along with any on a personal level versus other people. They are always bashing my generation and its gets annoying.
Hm.....tattoos. Dresses like a skank. Probably a few piercings. Promiscuous. Likes to party hard. They don't hate you, they just don't want to associate with you. And you probably don't get the hint, because you think they should like you. As a middle aged woman, I would have to agree with them. I don't have time for the drama, for one.
For one thing, post menopausal women are very jealous of pregnant women. I've seen it all my life. It's like a cow thing. Watch the other cows (so jealous) when one of the other cows drop a calf.
Then there's the bod thing. Nothing beats a 20 yr old nulliparous girl. You can daydream all you want. It's just a daydream.
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Maybe in the south in the 1950s you could talk like that to a student and get away with it, not in the last several years, it didn't happen like this.
. I have had more women in this age group spread malicious lies about me, make disparaging comments about my appearance, and just in general treat me like garbage then women my own age!