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Probably because not all people have a the same idea of what constitutes a topic that is "small talk" that everyone can take part in.
I've been at social and work-relate events where people tried to make small talk with me by talking about sports. Unfortunately, I know or care zero about sports. Sports are not a "universal" topic that everyone can discuss or wants to discuss. In some social circles, sports might seem universal, buy they aren't. I actually once told a guy who was trying to chat me up about sports that I'm not really into sports, and he was so stumped as to what to talk about he actually said, "Well you're from the Philly area, so if you did like sports, do you think you'd be an Eagles fan?" Now that's limited.
I had a job selling telecommunications, and everyone in my office was a golfer (I have no interest in golf) and was a conservative (I am liberal). Wonder why I kept my mouth shut?
In addition to what Tracy Sam said above, introverts make up what, almost half of the population? Add to that the ubiquity of smart phones and other gadgets and it's not hard to see why small talk doesn't necessarily come naturally for a lot of people.
Actually, introverts are consistently found to be a minority of the population. Though as someone else noted, the percentage of introverts here on this site might approach 50%, higher than in the general population.
Small talk can be a learned skill for many. I went to a business meeting recently, and one of the speakers gave us a tip to remember when engaging in small talk.
FORD
Family
Occupation
Recreation
Dreams
If you talk about things related to those subjects, you can have decent conversations and usually not run out of things to talk about.:-)
Interesting point! Maybe many people aren't good at small talk because they haven't been trained in such a technique?
Yes, making small talk can be a pain and kind of boring. But many times we must make small talk as part of our job, when meeting new people we want to know or get on their good side or at events with family or friends..
Why are so many people just lousy at small talk?
It is the job of many here in our resort area to greet guests/customers. It is obvious that some people are truly stuck for an answer when a stranger says hello or how are you doing today. Then of course there are those who feel they are above the level of these employees.
I really struggle with small talk, as my day-to-day activities don't require much of it (I work in technology). That said, as most of us here probably work in communal office environments, it helps to have a repertoire of polite questions which you can use to initiate a conversation with coworkers at social functions, etc. If you are at a work event and you and your colleagues are relatively well-acquainted, you can ask about upcoming vacation plans, recent vacations, how their family, kids, etc are doing, weekend plans, upcoming company events, discussion panels, etc. I find that people generally respond positively when you ask them polite (read: non-intrusive) questions about themselves. Small talk is certainly not one-size-fits all though, so you may have to approach the conversation differently in a networking events versus, say, a family reunion. In my experience, once you're past the initial 'ice breaker' phase, it becomes a lot easier to have casual conversations with coworkers if you've met at least once before. Sometimes just a 'Hi, how are you?' is enough.
I would like to know how people start conversations without small talk first? It's like a gateway to bigger and better things I think.
Do you just walk up to someone and say, "What are your views on euthanasia?" or the Vonnegutian, "Tell me how your parents died?"
I can only speak for myself. Leaving out the situations where I think there has to be mandatory small talk (professional functions), if I am going to have conversations with strangers, I'd rather they be meaningful conversations.
Of course, there is the ice-breaker, but then I can tell really quickly if the person can and wants to talk about important stuff instead of small talk.
Examples:
I ordered take out in a local restaurant, and was having a drink at the bar waiting for it to be prepared. A guy was sitting at the bar wearing scrubs. Jeopardy was on the TV and I said an answer out loud. He said good job. I said that I was a nerd about history. He said he was a history nerd too but wanted an actual job. I asked what he did for a living, and he said he "watches people bleed and tries to stop it." I said "Oh what a coincidence, I listen to people bleed and try to stop it." He was a trauma center nurse, I was a therapist. We then got into a great discussion about people with severe mental illness and the life-and-death things we've encountered and how it impacts people in our fields. We weren't hitting on each other, but we talked for almost an hour (I decided to eat my food there when it was ready). Never saw each other again, but both of us walked away knowing we'd had a great talk and learned form each other.
I was in a doctor's waiting room and reading a book by Charles Bukowski. A guy who was also waiting said he couldn't believe someone else was reading Bukowski. We had a great conversation about Bukowski's various works, his opinions, his alcoholism, etc, and the time flew by.
Neither of these conversations were draining to me, as small talk would have been.
I would like to know how people start conversations without small talk first? It's like a gateway to bigger and better things I think.
Do you just walk up to someone and say, "What are your views on euthanasia?" or the Vonnegutian, "Tell me how your parents died?"
Maybe that's exactly what they're doing, and then they wonder why their attempts at small talk fail.
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