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Not necessarily. Introverts can be very interesting people with varied and deep interests and lots of knowledge about those areas, but we largely hate small talk. We prefer to get into a more meaningful conversation if conversation is going to happen. I find small talk excruciatingly boring and draining, but I made sure I learned how to do it when necessary. Being an introvert and hating small talk is no excuse for not taking responsibility to learn at least a little how to engage in it. The whole point of this thread was "NECESSARY small talk." Chatting with someone in line at a store is not necessary, but mingling with other professionals at a conference is sometimes necessary.
Totally agree, except that I think small talk is very often not truly 'necessary'. Beneficial in some ways if the person(s) you are with absolutely expects it, but necessary? No. I think there is a reason it's called small talk, as in unimportant, trivial, 'small'.
And for the record, yes, I am happy to be left standing alone by the potted palm if the other alternative is to be stuck making small talk with strangers all night. Some of us go because we must, job expectations, family obligations, etc. or we may enjoy people watching or listening to the conversations around us without joining in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk
I would like to know how people start conversations without small talk first? It's like a gateway to bigger and better things I think.
Do you just walk up to someone and say, "What are your views on euthanasia?" or the Vonnegutian, "Tell me how your parents died?"
Most people who don't enjoy small talk don't usually 'start' conversations with strangers. We may join conversations in progress that have piqued our interest, or start conversations with people we already know and can skip the small talk. Or very occasionally we can find an opportunity to start a conversation about something interesting because the other person offers us a clue, maybe in the way of a book they are carrying or a slogan on a t-shirt, etc.
Yes, making small talk can be a pain and kind of boring. But many times we must make small talk as part of our job, when meeting new people we want to know or get on their good side or at events with family or friends.
I am introduced to many people at these events and they are like talking to a wall. Incredibly weak at small talk. Some seem like they are trying but many don't understand how important small talk can be.
Why are so many people just lousy at small talk?
If someone is "bad" at small talk or doesn't appreciate small talk the way you do then it's a fair bet that you can just skip it with them! They don't like it and you won't be able to "get on their good side" by continuing.
Maybe that's what I dislike about YOUR kind of small talk - I don't like being manipulated. Just because you have a labradoodle doesn't mean I'll go out on a limb for you - and just because you daughter is the same age as mine doesn't mean I'll go out of my way to do you a favor. THAT'S irrational to me - some shallow fake "connection" that really means nothing. So you can pass me over and go on to the next person, thanks.
Small talk can be a learned skill for many. I went to a business meeting recently, and one of the speakers gave us a tip to remember when engaging in small talk.
FORD
Family
Occupation
Recreation
Dreams
If you talk about things related to those subjects, you can have decent conversations and usually not run out of things to talk about.:-)
Awesome.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT
Totally agree, except that I think small talk is very often not truly 'necessary'. Beneficial in some ways if the person(s) you are with absolutely expects it, but necessary? No. I think there is a reason it's called small talk, as in unimportant, trivial, 'small'.
And for the record, yes, I am happy to be left standing alone by the potted palm if the other alternative is to be stuck making small talk with strangers all night. Some of us go because we must, job expectations, family obligations, etc. or we may enjoy people watching or listening to the conversations around us without joining in.
Most people who don't enjoy small talk don't usually 'start' conversations with strangers. We may join conversations in progress that have piqued our interest, or start conversations with people we already know and can skip the small talk. Or very occasionally we can find an opportunity to start a conversation about something interesting because the other person offers us a clue, maybe in the way of a book they are carrying or a slogan on a t-shirt, etc.
Exactly. When I read the thread title, I thought, "Is small talk really necessary?". It's not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim Randal Walker
Interesting point! Maybe many people aren't good at small talk because they haven't been trained in such a technique?
I'm so darned good at small talk people forget what they were doing, where they were going... One time I ran into a guy right before he went down the stairs. I small-talked the heck out of him. By the time I got to my office at the other end of the building, he was coming up the stairs on THAT end. He said after speaking to me, he forgot why he was going down stairs so he thought he might remember if he walked around the parking lot. He said he never did remember but he saw some squirrels out there doing some amazing things. LOL
I'm not good at "How was your weekend?"-type small talk because most of the time I nothing but stay home and veg out and just don't like to answer that question. I say "Nothing much" and that's that. And if I did do something fun that weekend, chances are the person who asked isn' that interested in the first place. But this primarily involves the work place, and I don't socialize or talk much with them.
I'm so darned good at small talk people forget what they were doing, where they were going... One time I ran into a guy right before he went down the stairs. I small-talked the heck out of him. By the time I got to my office at the other end of the building, he was coming up the stairs on THAT end. He said after speaking to me, he forgot why he was going down stairs so he thought he might remember if he walked around the parking lot. He said he never did remember but he saw some squirrels out there doing some amazing things. LOL
I ordered take out in a local restaurant, and was having a drink at the bar waiting for it to be prepared. A guy was sitting at the bar wearing scrubs. Jeopardy was on the TV and I said an answer out loud. He said good job. I said that I was a nerd about history. He said he was a history nerd too but wanted an actual job. I asked what he did for a living, and he said he "watches people bleed and tries to stop it." I said "Oh what a coincidence, I listen to people bleed and try to stop it."
OK... to me this is the perfect example of what I was saying. You started with small talk and it became a gateway to more interesting things. That is what small talk is.
Maybe I'm just not understanding what people consider small talk?
Maybe people just hate small talk delivered in a bland, uninteresting manner?
OK... to me this is the perfect example of what I was saying. You started with small talk and it became a gateway to more interesting things. That is what small talk is.
Maybe I'm just not understanding what people consider small talk?
Maybe people just hate small talk delivered in a bland, uninteresting manner?
No, I hate it, period.
When I go somewhere, I am focused on whatever I am doing. I am not trying to meet someone or make a friend. I want to complete my transaction or business and move onto whatever else I had to do that day.
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Maybe many people aren't good at small talk because they haven't been trained in such a technique?
