Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's strange to associate the word "necessary" with the phrase "small talk" in the first place. 98% of all small talk is unnecessary. There are only a few exceptions...for one, business parties where all attendees have an unwritten role to play.
Yet...the overwhelming majority of people engage in small talk all the time.
Anyone who engages in small talk because they feel obligated to, or think they're supposed to...is very likely going to come across as forced, awkward and/or unnatural during the conversation. Most people who chit-chat do so just for the sake of it, or to relax the mood (i.e. icebreaker). Some people just enjoy talking (which can be a good or bad thing), and often the other person is the only interesting thing in the room. Even if the conversation is boring, it's still likely to be less boring than being silent.
You still have to have common courtesy and respect boundaries, though. Failing to do that is rude, and obviously will make it hard for you to have successful attempts at small talk. And depending on the situation, you may even find yourself in hot water. Anyone who has had a decent upbringing should understand this before the age of 18.
I agree with the point some posters made about small talk often being a lead-in to bigger or deeper conversation. That's why many business meetings have a few minutes of small talk before the actual meeting gets underway. It's a way to put everyone at ease. Basic human psychology.
Culture also can play a part. An earlier poster mentioned how southerners seem to be more talkative. That's because folks in the South tend to be more neighborly, less pretentious, more laid-back and more tight-knit in the family. Chatting at the dinner table, having a BBQ with the neighbors, etc. Kids grew up in that environment from the get-go and it likely rubbed off on them. A lot of places in Mexico and some European countries are the same way.
I also find it weird that some people are worrying over whether they're good at small talk. Sure, it's an important skill, but chances are very few people will care about whether you're good at it or not. Nobody I know cares about whether they're any good at it. They just start talking and let the conversation run its course. That course may last 30 seconds, or it may last 30 minutes with all sorts of interesting twists and turns.
As a recovering introvert myself, I actually get this. However, the operative phrase "I learned how to do it when necessary" says a great deal, for it implies conversation being a laborious chore.
It's really a matter of mastering the techniques behind it. I learned to make a game out of it. So I would ask open-ended questions of the other person. Look attentive enough, and you'll be amazed at what a great conversationalist you'll be considered. Unless, of course, one likes standing ignored by the potted palm all night.
I think like many people, you confuse being introverted with being shy. Not the same thing at all.
People who hide behind the potted palm are shy. They might be introverts or extroverts. But the reason that they are hiding is because they are SHY. The difference is that the extrovert really, really wants to talk to people, because interacting with people is what juices them up. The introvert might be open to talking to someone, if they can scope out someone who knows something about something and has the good sense to skip over the very tiring small talk, because introverts have their energy drained by interaction. They aren't afraid of it, but they know that they can only take so much before they are cooked, so they can't be wasting their energy on talking about NOTHING.
I force engaging in small talk constantly because I am an introvert who often really has no desire to conversate yet feels compelled to engage in the expected small-talk social ritual that permeates many social situations. So, in order to act appropriately and not be seen as being aloof or rude, I do the socially appropriate thing: make small talk.
For me, doing so involves engaging in a harmless or pro-social form of deception; meaning, I pretend to be social and interested in topics or conversation when, many times, I am not.
But I think all people do that from time to time, so I am in good company.
I cant be bothered at all with small talk.it bores me ... I dont mnd talking about a specific subject that myself and the other person find interesting.. but not talking just for the sake of it... Ive always been quiet and a bit introvert, and used to over compensate with laughing nervously in company. now I dont give a hoot who I please. Small talk usually gets on to gossip which I hate.. its only a way for others to feel good about themselves by finding faults in others..
I have become more inhibited now in conversations because of the rise in political correctness that seems so prevalent in these present times.
Here in So. Calif., there is an ever present awareness of class consciousness that shows up in the beginning of every conversation in the form, "So, where do you live ? What kind of a car do you drive ? What do you do for a living ? What company do you work for ?"
That doesn't sound PC to me, it sounds crass.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
