how often should adult children see their parents

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by CatTX

Wow, lots of demanding parents out there. Are these people who don't work and/or have no other hobbies/interests besides guilt-tripping their kids? Husband and I try to not put pressure on anyone because life is stressful enough without that and we want them to visit because they enjoy our company, not because we've guilted them into it. We see our oldest (who lives 2.5 hours away) probably around 10 times a year. We try to alternate, we were just there for Memorial Day and he is driving down for the 4th.

Our youngest lives about 8 mins away and has a weird work schedule. He lets us know when he is available for lunch during the work week, so we often take an hour and have lunch together. He also comes by on his days off quite often. We are happy to go to his house as well, but DIL goes into a panic whenever we are scheduled to visit because she works a lot and feels she has to go on a cleaning frenzy first. There have been stretches of 2, 3 months where we haven't seen him because he has had to work overtime, or because we've been too busy with work and other stuff to get together. Those times, we stay in touch via email or texting.

Anyway, my long-winded point is, just communicate and let her know it upsets you when she talks like that and that once a week is the most you are able to tackle at this point. And, if she does email, try to stay in touch that way.

yeah, I think that's why my kids moved away, his father and step-mother were and are and always will be way to overbearing. My daughter in law, isn't one that wants to be smothered, and neither is my son. His father and wife, have this habit of thinking its ok to stop by anytime, to interfer, and to also tell them how they should live their lives. I couldn't stand it either....

I hear mothers complain b/c they feel they don't see their kids enough...and I wonder, how they'd deal with their kids living far away, where you only see them once or twice a year.

I'm very very fortunate....my son calls me every single week...religiously....so, I won't ever complain...he is a good son, and I'm extremely proud of the tremendous parenting job they have done with their daughter.

[bell235]

Originally Posted by cremebrulee

yeah, I think that's why my kids moved away, his father and step-mother were and are and always will be way to overbearing. My daughter in law, isn't one that wants to be smothered, and neither is my son. His father and wife, have this habit of thinking its ok to stop by anytime, to interfer, and to also tell them how they should live their lives. I couldn't stand it either....

I hear mothers complain b/c they feel they don't see their kids enough...and I wonder, how they'd deal with their kids living far away, where you only see them once or twice a year.

I'm very very fortunate....my son calls me every single week...religiously....so, I won't ever complain...he is a good son, and I'm extremely proud of the tremendous parenting job they have done with their daughter.

honestly there are times where i think i'd maybe like to move out of state but i don't think i'd be able to simply because of my parents. i dont think they would "let" me in a way.. like mentally, if that makes sense. the guilt tripping when i only live 10 mins away is bad so i can only imagine their reaction to me moving out of state.

[charolastra00]

I see my parents approximately once a year for about an afternoon, typically shared with other relatives. They live far away but make yearly 2 week trips to the area where my brother and I live, but treat it as a vacation rather than invest in spending time with either of us. We are not invited, not kept apprised of their plans, and they act put out when they decide they want to do something but we can't just call off of work for the pleasure.

Right now, my parents are in the area staying near my brother 2 hours away for 2 weeks. I took Monday off to spend with them, but they called me Sunday afternoon to say they changed their plans and could I drive up right then? That wasn't a possibility (not that I would have driven more than 4 hours round trip for an hour or two with people who can't bother prioritizing me), so now it looks like I won't see them at all. Meanwhile, I wasted a vacation day during one of the busiest times of the year at work.

These are the people who told me they couldn't afford to visit or help me financially when I was fighting stage IV cancer all by myself right after my 23rd birthday, but then up and went to Scotland for 2 weeks during my 6th round of chemo. They have no idea why my brother and I want very little to do with them.

[brocco]

I'm 28 and live about 30 minutes from my parents

In my ideal world I would see them once every other month. They usually manipulate me into seeing them once a month.

[randomlikeme]

My parents just moved back from TX so it has been nice seeing them more than twice a year.


My dad was never into beer, but his children are. So now that he is retired, he built this whole bar out of wood and rotates what is in his kegerator. All so he can be our barkeep. He says you tell all of your problems to your barkeep.


I guess my situation is different than a lot on here. They're both awesome folks.

[49ersfan27]

I see my mom and step dad twice a week, and my sisters the same. We all are busy.