Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 11 days ago)
35,637 posts, read 17,989,189 times
Reputation: 50679
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lamppy
Well, there was also the 6 hour drive, the preparation for the musical performance (we always have a talent show), and the long conversations with SIL....so, yeah.....still tired.
Ok. So that's the first place you can cut. Next year, I'm not performing music.
What if you made things kind of pot luck? Maybe 'assign' responsibilities. Like...the Jones are responsible for pies, the Smiths will be responsible for salad, the Thomas's are responsible for the mashed potatos and gravy, the Sterlings responsible for the Sweet Potatoes, etc. ?
And how about using disposable cutlery, plates and cups? (If you're not already doing so.)
I'm a little torn between "mom is old, let her have her way" and "she's not doing any of the work, so why does she get to dictate how it is done." What is pushing me toward the later is that all of this is apparently done more for show than to actually visit with relatives, and she show isn't even hers anymore. If you all are doing all the work, you should get to say how it's done. With that many people, I don't see why everyone can't chip in. You set up, clean up, or bring a side dish. This is assuming you continue with this number of people. I think it's too big. People can't possibly all talk to everyone there.
Mom makes the turkey and the stuffing so she is doing quite a bit of work.
I agree its about time everybody else started pitching in. I wouldn't be shy about telling them. I will give the cousins the benefit of the doubt and say nobody asked them to chip in. Polite people would have volunteered but that's beside the point. Now they know. So theres no excuse.
How about setting up a web site or a FB page that everybody can log into. Lamppy Family Holiday Shindigs. You could list a tentative menu now to be finalized by say September. People could sign up for food ,clean up, prep, etc.
I'm sure you and your SIL know just how much and what kind of food it takes to feed this crowd. I wouldn't assign the whole amount of anything to one person. If it takes say four pans of stuffing then assign four people to make one pan each. That way if somebody doesn't show up you still have three pans. Likewise if one pan is inedible.
Mom could still do the turkey and gravy. Since Mom wants her recipes she could list them and other people could volunteer to make them. There could be a contest and Mom could give out ribbons and trophies to the best ones. Tell Mom that this is a way to preserve these "family" recipes so they always stay in the family. Mom inherited these traditions from her MIL. Its time to pass them on.
But really why would you even want to talk with people are such ungrateful takers?
Well...we don't know all the circumstances here. Are some of the cousins flying in for this? Are they staying in hotels? Why assume they're ungrateful? Has anyone ever ASKED them to help clear a table, put dishes in the sink, etc.?
I used to try and help my ex MIL with big meals. I'd help clear the table, she'd tell me to go sit down. Once, I washed all the dishes and silverware. I wasn't sure where she wanted it all put away, so when her and my Father in law came home, the dishes were drying on clean dish towels.
She went to the sink, filled it up, and washed all the dishes and silverware over again.
I loved my ex MIL...but I can take a hint. She wanted to be in charge. I quit knocking myself out after that. I'd offer, she'd turn me down, and that's just how it was.
Anyway...sometimes, people just need to be asked, or pointed in the right direction. No point in getting mad at guests, if they've never been asked to help.
Well...we don't know all the circumstances here. Are some of the cousins flying in for this? Are they staying in hotels? Why assume they're ungrateful? Has anyone ever ASKED them to help clear a table, put dishes in the sink, etc.?
I used to try and help my ex MIL with big meals. I'd help clear the table, she'd tell me to go sit down. Once, I washed all the dishes and silverware. I wasn't sure where she wanted it all put away, so when her and my Father in law came home, the dishes were drying on clean dish towels.
She went to the sink, filled it up, and washed all the dishes and silverware over again.
I loved my ex MIL...but I can take a hint. She wanted to be in charge. I quit knocking myself out after that. I'd offer, she'd turn me down, and that's just how it was.
Anyway...sometimes, people just need to be asked, or pointed in the right direction. No point in getting mad at guests, if they've never been asked to help.
These are regular attendees at a family holiday not guests at a dinner party; they should not need to be asked. They may not know what needs to be done but there is no real excuse not to take the initiative and ask/offer. The dinner was in a banquet hall not someone's home.
I'm glad to know that somewhere out there are some "new-age" men. LOL
My husband is far from "New Age", but he has always been very considerate about offering to help clean up at holiday dinners, family get-togethers, etc. He can't do any cooking, but many's the time he's been the one washing the dishes.
These are regular attendees at a family holiday not guests at a dinner party; they should not need to be asked. They may not know what needs to be done but there is no real excuse not to take the initiative and ask/offer. The dinner was in a banquet hall not someone's home.
They're once-a-year attendees. I think that would count as guests. Again...why get mad if no one has asked them to help? Is it just more fun to carry a grudge against someone who's oblivious? I mean, hey, carry on if it's just more enjoyable to be peeved. Family traditions and all that. LOL
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So it's apples to oranges, I guess.
