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Well, there was also the 6 hour drive, the preparation for the musical performance (we always have a talent show), and the long conversations with SIL....so, yeah.....still tired.
Are you saying that you drive 6 hours to and from the dinner in addition to doing all the cooking?
... the preparation for the musical performance (we always have a talent show)
OMG
Well, Lamppy, I think this :
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lamppy
But, mom is reluctant to give up the traditions...(she inherited this dinner from her MIL)...
... is a huge hurdle to overcome. This event means a whole lot to your mom because of a family dynamic that existed probably before you were even born.
Nevertheless, I agree with the others who had great suggestions about how to transition this into something more manageable. Let mom keep the turkey etc, but delegate someone else to do a Sign-Up Genius list for everything else.
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Lamppy
I agree its about time everybody else started pitching in. I wouldn't be shy about telling them. I will give the cousins the benefit of the doubt and say nobody asked them to chip in. Polite people would have volunteered but that's beside the point. Now they know. So theres no excuse.
How about setting up a web site or a FB page that everybody can log into. Lamppy Family Holiday Shindigs. You could list a tentative menu now to be finalized by say September. People could sign up for food ,clean up, prep, etc.
I'm sure you and your SIL know just how much and what kind of food it takes to feed this crowd. I wouldn't assign the whole amount of anything to one person. If it takes say four pans of stuffing then assign four people to make one pan each. That way if somebody doesn't show up you still have three pans. Likewise if one pan is inedible.
Mom could still do the turkey and gravy. Since Mom wants her recipes she could list them and other people could volunteer to make them. There could be a contest and Mom could give out ribbons and trophies to the best ones. Tell Mom that this is a way to preserve these "family" recipes so they always stay in the family. Mom inherited these traditions from her MIL. Its time to pass them on.
... is a huge hurdle to overcome. This event means a whole lot to your mom because of a family dynamic that existed probably before you were even born.
Nevertheless, I agree with the others who had great suggestions about how to transition this into something more manageable. Let mom keep the turkey etc, but delegate someone else to do a Sign-Up Genius list for everything else.
Good luck! And start resting up for next year!!
What in the world do y'all do for Christmas?
Thanks Birdie Belle! At this point, I'm not thinking about Christmas.
Under normal circumstances I would put my foot down, but your mom only has so many Thanksgivings left.
You CAN put your foot down with your men, and tell them you need help so you can enjoy the holidays too.
DH could never figure out why I was adamant on shopping early, being super organized and starting 2 days in advance. It is so I can enjoy the dinner with everyone else.
If I've done it correctly, when they arrive, all I am doing is making sure everything goes in and out of the oven at the right times and temps.
Take a look at what your making and see what you can do days in advance.
I think 2 days out I had the stuffing done (ready to be cooked), the white sauce for string bean casserole was done, potatoes were cooked and ready to be mashed... stuff like that.
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I'm the OP. I called mom today and told her that my sister-in-law (main chef) just can't do it anymore. We rely on SIL because of her catering background, but she has lost her enjoyment of large events. I told mom that I am STILL exhausted from the Thursday dinner, and mom admits she is also still tired and had 2 naps today before 9:00 am. I asked her what we can do differently and she said "maybe we can make the potatoes a day early." What SIL and I want to do is a completely different menu, one where everyone brings a dish. Sure...it would be a smorgasbord and no turkey with stuffing, but what's wrong with that? It's about the conversation, isn't it? Especially at our age. But, mom is reluctant to give up the traditions...(she inherited this dinner from her MIL), and she scoffs at her friends who go to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. I'm afraid my SIL is going to have a melt-down, especially since my sister and other SIL are of little help. I'm beginning to realize how stubborn and controlling my mother is....but in the nicest "little old lady" way.
I don't see why you can't still do turkey yourselves and have everyone else bring a side dish. Less work for you, mom still gets turkey.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lamppy
Well, there was also the 6 hour drive, the preparation for the musical performance (we always have a talent show), and the long conversations with SIL....so, yeah.....still tired.
I would be really, really ticked if, at a once-a-year dinner with my cousins whom I dearly love and almost never get to see, I had to do 90% of the cooking and cleaning up and didn't even get to talk to my cousins and catch up.
Really.
But really why would you even want to talk with people are such ungrateful takers?
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