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That is alot of work, and you are right, only the cooks get to talk to each other, while everyone else gets to sit back and horse around.
why not try picking up the main meats, turkey/pork already cooked and sliced, in a baking tray ready to warm up. Everyone else can bring their own baking tray with their "best of creations", and Have grandma be the judge . the hardest part of clean up is throwing away the garbage.
or you can learn to master the Paella skills, and just bring one big pan, and toss simple ingredients inside. very easy to cook, really. only one big pan to clean!
the finger foods party you mentioned is not a bad idea, and great for socializing. Even a tapas bar type of event would be interesting. very casual. but some people are expecting an actual dinner for the one big night of the year. I am personally not fond of the Turkey, and all the starchy sides.
why not do a winter BBQ, or a Brazilian BBQ, a Mexican Thanksgiving with an open grill full of carnitas going? you make it your way, holidays with family should be fun.
I have been a member of the 25 lb club for many years. The bigger the Butterball the better. I have full-time training as a professional chef.
This is my last year. Too much work. While everyone enjoys my meals the prep/cleanup has done me in.
There are ways to simplify things. In your case you could ask mom to short the menu. Turkey beasts, bagged stuffing, mashed sweat potatoes and fresh string beans, canned cranberries. Purchase pies. Really an excellent meal..
Mom was in a flurry, e-mailing recipes and directions for the correct way to make gravy, how many potatoes to mash (per person), how many rolls to make...even though we are all accomplished cooks...How do we convince mom to let us simplify these dinners?
I feel your pain! Except that my 81yo mother-in-law was still doing a lot of the cooking, up until she died a year ago. We have been trying to keep up the tradition, but I have a feeling we won't be serving such big meals next year, now that my father-in-law passed a few weeks ago.
Bottom line, if she isn't doing the cooking, it's not really up to her. Someone is going to have to say no, and tell her to either cater her events (pay someone else), or accept that the younger generation want to visit with family instead of cooking & cleaning all day.
Thank you everyone for your help. Yes, all but 3 people were family....4 generations of family. We try to do most of the preparation in advance, and husbands do sometimes help. It's the cousins from out of town that enjoy the dinner, but don't help out with the clean-up. Mom makes the stuffing and a turkey, so she is doing a lot too. These big dinners are a family tradition and we love the conversation, but now we are getting older and would like to not take on the responsibility. Mom doesn't want to go to a restaurant, she thinks no one can cook like she can. When Harpaint mentioned we could get together as a group and tell her we are not doing it again, I almost started to hyperventilate. I don't think there is going to be a resolution to this problem....we'll just continue on until mom goes to a retirement facility.
How about everyone has to clean up a little before dessert? It's kind of rude to come and eat and not offer to clean up. It's up to the hostess to say yes or no but still you should at least offer.
Head over to the Caregivers forum where you will discover how very fortunate you are to have these problems. Maybe in 3-5 years you can have the same troubles some of the folks over there cope with everyday.
My practical suggestion is to get more participation from the guys who don't do things now. "Love ya, Mom"
Why lay a guilt trip on the OP? She might miss the dinners when her mothers' gone but that doesn't negate the fact that they are a lot of work now.
By and large, as many have said here, the solution is to speak up and insist others help. Doing it the way you have been year after year with no help would drive me insane and I would very soon opt out if nobody helped.
My inlaws are getting to the age when hosting a large gathering is almost impossible without help, and they still want to do their traditional Christmas Eve open house. I married into this family about 20 years ago and I've seen the slow decline of my FIL/MIL and also to lack of help from ANYBODY except my wife (well and me too). We come in from out of town and end up doing 90% of the shopping, setting up, and cleaning.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms. Tarabotti
Why lay a guilt trip on the OP? She might miss the dinners when her mothers' gone but that doesn't negate the fact that they are a lot of work now.
That's the problem on threads like these. People use the fact that parents (especially mothers) are mortal to guilt trip the son or daughter into not making any sort of reasonable boundary or request of that parent.
To the OP, I'd say dinner is good but I'm done with the labor, so something else needs to be done and be ready to mean it
Our relatives arrive, eat, talk to each other, and then leave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lamppy
We try to do most of the preparation in advance, and husbands do sometimes help. It's the cousins from out of town that enjoy the dinner, but don't help out with the clean-up. .
Why in the HELL are these rude cousins and husbands not helping with the cleanup?
That is all on you guys for allowing everyone else to leave and not pitch in.
If you try and force your mom to give all this up, you will one day regret it.
That's the problem on threads like these. People use the fact that parents (especially mothers) are mortal to guilt trip the son or daughter into not making any sort of reasonable boundary or request of that parent.
I totally agree with this.
Something I like to add when these discussions come up is about generations...
Sounds like the OP is married and I think has kids (let's assume she does, or that I'm speaking generically).
So that makes the OP a mom as well. And with a spouse with his own family I'm assuming too. All the cousins that come to these dinners presumably have parents and other family as well. IMHO this means a few things:
* Mom needs to let go of the reins and let the event evolve
* others need to step up and help maintain this tradition for EVERYONE to enjoy
* opting-out is a reasonable option for those that are 'over it'
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