African American thinks there are not enough of his people in Western Fairfax (Alexandria: cul-de-sac, 2013)

[FindingZen]

BTW, let's return to discussing the original topic as it relates to western Fairfax County - or perhaps in comparison to other suburban DC counties in VA and MD - in order to maximize thread life and minimize infractions.

[justtitans]

Let me help get this thread back on course with an illustration of what any group of people in this country would be afraid of when they move to a certain area. My wife, our two girls and I were in the Walmart last week in Woodbridge getting some baby food for our youngest daughter. While we were in the aisle there was a lady who working there putting things away. I don't know what her ethnicity was but if I had to guess it was some Middle Eastern decent.

Anyways, we usually shop for two weeks at a time and given that she keeps our kids at home, there was a lot of food to get. The lady was observing us and presumably because we were black she immediately start making assumptions and began questioning my wife. She asked my wife, does she know how to cook at all? Does she know how to make baby food herself? Then she began to explain to her how much money could be saved. It was obvious that this woman assumed we were some poor ghetto family and my wife never cooked. Anybody who is a SAHM knows how much work it is to watch children especially multiple children and having food available when the baby is hungry is convenient, even though there are many times that she does indeed cook food for both our children.

What was on display that night was something that was somewhat shocking for a diverse place like Woodbridge, but it is one of the main issues why I am against moving to an area where people are ignorant of certain people with different backgrounds as them. We are middle class family, we are both educated, we are married and have two kids. We literally defy the stereotypes that people attribute to being black in this country, yet we are still subjected to those stereotypes because an individual has seemingly not been around black people who are not poor, uneducated or have illegitimate kids. Who would want to live in a place that they are going to be subjected with assumption after assumption about them? That is unfortunately more likely the case in a place like parts of Western Fairfax than some other places, simply because there aren't enough individuals around to debunk such stereotypes.

Again, that is not to say that it is like that in Western Fairfax, but when you start looking at the statistics of how small the black population, you start to wonder, hmmm why aren't more moving there? Is there something I should be concerned about? Do I have to worry about my children having assumptions made about them? To me it would be no different than any group of people moving where they are not typically at. But what makes it worse, is black people in this country have the most negative stereotypes made about them than any other group, and for people like my family that do not meet those stereotypes, we do not want to spend time battling unnecessary assumptions about us.

[Middlin]

Funny, when I read this, my immediate reaction was "Wow, the Mommy police found you as well". Perhaps it was an assumption on her part, but I am here to tell you that as a white person that had a baby in Fairfax County it was remarked on a number of occasions a) what I fed my child and b) where it came from. Total strangers approached me when feeding my baby from a bottle or in a restaurant with baby food. Rudeness is often color blind

[justtitans]

Originally Posted by Middlin

Funny, when I read this, my immediate reaction was "Wow, the Mommy police found you as well". Perhaps it was an assumption on her part, but I am here to tell you that as a white person that had a baby in Fairfax County it was remarked on a number of occasions a) what I fed my child and b) where it came from. Total strangers approached me when feeding my baby from a bottle or in a restaurant with baby food. Rudeness is often color blind

Were you ever asked do you cook?

[Middlin]

No, not directly but the inference was that I was too lazy, uninfomed and self centered to not be breast feeding in public or not feeding them from a jar. Same same

[IndiaLimaDelta]

Originally Posted by pgtvatitans

Let me help get this thread back on course with an illustration of what any group of people in this country would be afraid of when they move to a certain area.

Really, this is what frightens people, nosy clerks offering unsolicited advice about baby-feeding and cooking? We've come a long way since the days of hooded men and burning crosses indeed!

"I'm not moving to Centreville! Some random Middle Eastern or Asian woman might offer me unsolicited baby-feeding advice!" This could be straight out of some comedy sketch.

The lady was observing us and presumably because we were black she immediately start making assumptions and began questioning my wife.

I presume there is a reason why you put "presumably" before "because we were black"? Do you always presume that anyone behaving in an unfriendly or an annoying (even annoyingly well-meaning) manner toward you did so because you are black? Seems to me if there is a party making assumptions, it's you ("this lady is offering me unsolicited advice -- it must be because I am black and because she is a racist with unwarranted assumptions about black people not knowing how to take care of their kids").

By that standard, yes, don't move to western Fairfax or Loudoun or, indeed, much of the country, as it is full of annoyingly well-meaning people who offer unsolicited advice about all sorts of things. I mean, I once had a dinner in Chantilly with another family that had a child with visible birth defects whose father was a white physician. After seeing the child, some random woman got up from her table next to us and began to offer all sorts of unsolicited advice (she looked Hispanic to me, but I am not sure). My friend had to reassure her about a dozen times, "Um, yes, thank you. Thank you very much. I think I got it. I am a doctor. Yes, I am a physician. Yes, thank you. Yes, my wife and I have had to deal with her condition since her birth. Yes, thank you. Thank you very much. Yes, I am up to date on all the latest research. Yes, I know about the support group. Thank you, ma'am." Must be because he was black and poor-looking, huh?

What was on display that night was something that was somewhat shocking for a diverse place like Woodbridge

Yes, since this obviously "shocking" racist incident occurred in Woodbridge, you must not move to western Fairfax. Great logic.

That is unfortunately more likely the case in a place like parts of Western Fairfax than some other places, simply because there aren't enough individuals around to debunk such stereotypes.

More likely because of how? Where is the evidence this is more likely in WFX?

Again, that is not to say that it is like that in Western Fairfax, but when you start looking at the statistics of how small the black population, you start to wonder, hmmm why aren't more moving there?

Could be any number of reasons. Could be that it's too expensive for the vast majority of blacks who are of modest income and wealth. Could be that many moneyed black professionals tend to be government worker types who'd rather be closer to DC? It could even be that some black people are illogically uncomfortable wherever there are few blacks because they themselves might hold either racist ideas or highly racialized view of the world ("Whoa! Look at all these white people, must be mostly racists who make assumptions about blacks not being able to feed their kids!")? Could be all sorts of reasons other than the existence of extra special racism against blacks in western Fairfax.

black people in this country have the most negative stereotypes made about them than any other group

Ever hear Polish jokes? Irish jokes? Ever hear stereotypes about drunk, illiterate "good for nothing" Indians on reservations? Ever hear jokes about Jeremy Lin? See: Linsanity OK, black jokes not so much.

[CAVA1990]

Based on what I observe at the grocery stores around here, I'd conclude most of the white folks around here have pretty limited cooking skills. Perhaps the store clerk was assuming you were like everyone else and she included you in her mission to enlighten all the cooking challenged NoVAns she comes in contact with.

[BarqCider]

if i carried your friends mentality, i wouldn't relocate to pittsburgh for school. Not enough latinos. i never understood that kind of mentality, maybe it is my ignorance and belief in seeing the good over the bad. Or maybe its the fact i dont care enough if enouhg of my people are near me lol.

[justtitans]

Originally Posted by Middlin

No, not directly but the inference was that I was too lazy, uninfomed and self centered to not be breast feeding in public or not feeding them from a jar. Same same

Not exactly. She was trying to infer that my wife doesn't know how to cook. There is a difference between giving parenting advice and just assuming someone doesn't know how to cook. What would give her that inkling? Because my wife is picking up jars of baby food? How does one draw the conclusion strictly off of someone picking up baby jars that they can't cook, period?

[CAVA1990]

Originally Posted by pgtvatitans

Not exactly. She was trying to infer that my wife doesn't know how to cook. There is a difference between giving parenting advice and just assuming someone doesn't know how to cook. What would give her that inkling? Because my wife is picking up jars of baby food? How does one draw the conclusion strictly off of someone picking up baby jars that they can't cook, period?

Perhaps in her culture that's a good indicator one indeed doesn't know how to cook. Maybe baby fooks is a basic that's one step up from boiling water. Sort of how an Italian might conclude that someone buying a jar of Prego has limited cooking skills.

Now if the clerk had said something like "your food stamps will go farther if you...." I might have interpreted that as racist. On the other hand, a clerk in a store may very well be using them themselves.