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Old 06-19-2007, 08:25 AM
 
1 posts, read 4,841 times
Reputation: 11

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Help please

My daughter is 19 and will not hold a job all she wants to do is sleep party and complain how it is all everybody's fault sh looses her jobs. She has been through 5 jobs in the last 2 months. This last one she had for 3 days and quit to go on a boat with her buddies for her birthday.
My husband who is her step dad is about at his end with the whole thing and I just do not know what to do. I love my daughter AND my husband he wants to kick her out but i have stopped that because she has no place to go and for a girl on the street it just is not safe any suggestions or advice would be wonderful
Kelly
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Old 06-19-2007, 08:42 AM
 
Location: ARK-KIN-SAW
3,434 posts, read 8,796,274 times
Reputation: 1574
how did she get money to go on the boat, or get to the parties, my suggestion..make her pay rent, pay for meals, electricity, dont give her any money, sounds harsh, wait..I was 19 once and i didnt want to do anything either, until my parents told me it was time to pay my own way.
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Old 06-19-2007, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Tejas
7,504 posts, read 15,969,677 times
Reputation: 5025
Three words, "Kick her out", see how she does with the threat of not having mammy and daddy to live off of.
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Old 06-19-2007, 09:32 AM
 
1,703 posts, read 4,624,082 times
Reputation: 1093
I agree with arguy, sounds like she needs some responsibility. If a child is allowed to go out and party, go on a boat with friends, sleep in; they most likely will take advantage of it. She lives under your roof; don't forget you are the parent! Don't allow her to do those things. If she lives under your roof she needs to abide by your rules or she's out!
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Old 06-19-2007, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Happiness is found inside your smile :)
3,178 posts, read 13,168,876 times
Reputation: 1256
Sounds like you are not on the same page with your husband on parenting - and you seem a bit wishy washy

He's right - she should be kicked out. If she wants to party - then do it on her own dime. YOu are no longer responsible for her actions - enjoy your life you are being quite co-dependant. We all love our children but it seems she's never been made to do much and gets her way.

Draw up a contract - that says get a job, go to college, do something productive with your life if you want to live in this house - or you have 60 days to move out. PERIOD. If she thinks she's an adult then she should be able to enter an adult contract, and follow through.

You are enabling her. Stop it.
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Old 06-19-2007, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
4,486 posts, read 14,922,691 times
Reputation: 3919
Quote:
My daughter is 19 and will not hold a job all she wants to do is sleep party and complain how it is all everybody's fault sh looses her jobs. She has been through 5 jobs in the last 2 months. This last one she had for 3 days and quit to go on a boat with her buddies for her birthday.
My husband who is her step dad is about at his end with the whole thing and I just do not know what to do. I love my daughter AND my husband he wants to kick her out but i have stopped that because she has no place to go and for a girl on the street it just is not safe any suggestions or advice would be wonderful
Kelly
Kick her out!! If she doesn't have a job, how does she get money to pay for all of this?

She's not a child anymore and she needs to learn how to be responsible. Let her make her own way and she'll NEED to find a job. Does she know how bad having 5 jobs in 2 months look on a resume? What about college, is she going?

She sounds like a spoiled brat that needs to learn her lessons the hard way.
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Old 06-19-2007, 11:14 AM
 
Location: The great state of New Hampshire
792 posts, read 2,861,224 times
Reputation: 424
If she wasn't 18 yet, I'd ship her in a box destined for bootcamp. Bite this in the butt now and make her pay bills and rent now if she does indeed continue to reside under your roof. This sort of thing doesn't go away. I'm seeing it first hand with my girl friend's co-workers, many 23-26 years of age living at home. I understand living at home w/ the lack of decent paying jobs and the high cost of living today. But these same folks have little/no rent obligations, and go out constantly for their drunk fests until late, and call out of work 20% of the time minimum. Living at home is one thing. Living like you have no repsonsibility is another and is enhanced when that person always feels he/she has that financial safety net.
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Old 06-19-2007, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, Canada
550 posts, read 2,541,393 times
Reputation: 524
She is living in your home. You make the rules. If she is going out partying all the time then tell her that at 1am the doors of your house are locked and she is not allowed to come home after that time. You will not put up with partying and no job. You will expect her to be up by 8am on weekdays to get ready to go out and find a job. You will have specific chores for her to do every day while living in your house. Once she finds a job she will keep it and pay you some rent and buy groceries for herself. If she is not willing to do that then show her the door. You have done your job raising her so now it is her job to take care of herself.
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Old 06-19-2007, 03:47 PM
 
6,585 posts, read 22,384,279 times
Reputation: 3170
Does she do drugs? Did she finish high school? How was she in high school? Grades? Why did she lose the other jobs? Does she have any interest in community college? Is she drinking?
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Old 06-19-2007, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,203 posts, read 15,015,619 times
Reputation: 7951
I wouldn't advocate throwing her out just yet. The world can be a scary place for a girl all on her own. A friend of mine had the same issue with his daughter and he gave her until she was 21. By then she was holding down a decent job and was able to get an apartment.

However, I agree that this situation can't continue indefinitely. She needs to have a time limit, and at the end of it, you have to follow through. Does she have any grandparents she could go stay with, or other relatives? Maybe a change of scenery would be a good idea, as it would get her away from her more unsavory friends.
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